I am a professional and have kids. One is adult and one mid teens. I am on leave due to a suicide attempt about 5 weeks ago. It's not my first attempt. I think i subconsciously stopped because of my youngest daughter. A year ago i reached such a milestone..i was managing my depression well..and i met a nice man after over 3 years divorced. That ended a coulle months ago..because of me. I got sick..became insecure and witnessed not one but 2 deaths. One a police shooting..and then a horrific accident where a man died right infront of me. It lead to ptsd and my depression came back full force. My partner pulled away..he showed no affection or support..i guess he didn't know how to handle it. All this in under 9 months. Now I'm severely depressed and anxious and feel I'm not improving. Some days i do..but then i wake one day and just want to die. I am so lost. I feel everyone is sick of my problem. I isolate. And now my daughter has gone to see her dad for the weekend and i am feeling.extremely lonely and lost. I just wish it would stop. I am off work until august and i feel anxious about not being there..but anxious about returning. I'm so very lost.

Welcome to the forums Sadandlonelyalot.

We know how tough it can be to post here for the first time, so thank you for being so open and honest about what you've been going through. We're incredibly sorry to hear how low you've been feeling, and understand that having been a witness to two people losing their lives must be such a painful experience. It sounds like the ptsd and depression this has caused has left you in a really dark place, but please know that you don't have to cope with all of this on your own- you're not alone in this. Our community is here to help offer as much support, advice and convcersation as you need during this difficult time, and we are also reaching out to you privately via email to check in and offer some extra support. 

Can we ask if you are currently receiving any mental health support through this? You've shown a lot of strength in being proactive and taking some time away from work to focus on your recovery, and we want to ensure you that extra support is always available to you. If you'd like any help in discussing your options for other kinds of support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. The kind counsellors are available to you anytime, 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through  Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  

We would also really encourage you to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who are here for you anytime of the day or night during overwhelming moments. Please know that they are here to talk these thoughts and feelings through as often as you need whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

We hope that you can find some solace here in the kind and supportive words from our community, and feel a little less alone through this. Please also feel welcome to continue updating us here on your thread with whatever you are thinking and feeling, whenever you are ready- we're all here for you.