Hi Helen,

Been a little tough for me, lately, nothing like what you are going through.

I would think the people working in hospital, from cleaners to top surgeons all hav to understand how to behave in a professional way when anyone they know comes into where they work as patients. Whether the someone is a friend, relative, or co-worker, the staff must treat them with as much sensitivity & care as they would any other patient. They are in a privileged position of trust where your medical & health records are concerned. If you have any concerns about any people you have worked with, dealing with information inappropriately, you have to speak up & let senior staff know.

No matter how discreet they are with information written up in your notes, I'm sure it cannot be comfortable to know it is all being shared at hand-overs, even if some of these people weren't known to you. I know, hearing someone talking about me & my history, whether to students, or other staff at hand-overs feel uncomfortable, even embarrassing, (though I challenge that thought), & I don't know them. I hear them say something about one aspect, & think, those people don't kneed to know that. I'd like them to stick to what is strictly relevant - but would I want them to be ignorant of my psychiatric history, if, in the event I should need some extra support while I am in hospital for a broken ankle, for example.

When I was in hospital in January, I didn't think they knew enough, & therefore didn't recognise I needed some help while I was there. Fortunately, I wasn't there for weeks, as you have been. I could wait until I was home to call my Psychiatrist & have a chat with him. (He was kind enough to offer this to me, even though he was on his long annual break).

Weeks - months, I can imagine how hard that ould be. Is there any way for you to be able to call your 'shrink' (I haven't heard that word for a long time!😺) from hospital? It wasn't in the big hospital I was in, but I wonder if you can from the small hospital where you are? Social worker might help?

I think you still have the strong spirit others recall. Funny how we can see such all around, but not within ourselves? I think, I'm realising, I must have, too, or how did I survive? You, too, eh?💪😻Together!💪

That's what I feel here on BB. For ourselves, & for eachother. Together we are stronger than we are when we are isolated.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Write as often, much or as little as you like. No apologies necessary.

😺mmMekitty

Hi mmMeKitty a little bit of good news still in plaster and had to go and see the shrink yesterday and at least this time I didn't get locked up on ward, more medications added thats all.eveything seems all have levelled out and I suppose now an acceptable lifestyle? Still teary and I have noticed a Hugh increase in my zoning out but I've had no triggers from work which is good, but I know it's coming, hope you're doing ok and hear from you when you have time.

Hi Helen,

Very good you were not in the locked ward.

Are you able to talk to your shrink about what triggers you are expecting at work, & how to manage your reaction to them? Much of what I do comes down to how I think about triggers & what they mean. Having triggers does not upset me like they once did. Understanding why they happen has mae a huge difference. Learning ways to get my breathing under control, get my head in the here & now, & communicating that I need to pause & little time to do that.

It's not easy, or always convenient when people are rushing on as if they don't notice anything happening, like a little zoning out. I think people ought to notice, but mostly they don't. If they are people we know & trust we can try to talk to them about it, & let themknow what we need. The onus is on us to let them know when we need a little help, & what the best help might be.

Is there anyone at work who you think you can trust to support you, someone you can talk to about what you need?

For many years, I would never have said anything like I'm saying to you... just shows how much a person can change. 😸

I can't claim to be an authority on the subject, so see what shrink says. If you feel you can, talk to other people too.

What do you think & feel about having an 'acceptable lifestyle'?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Talk again, 😺

mmMekitty

Hi mmMeKitty thought I better touch base it's been a while. hope you're doing ok? I'm still roller coasting with emotions and finally found a psychologist, it was nothing short of it disaster I think the poor guy needed more help then me!! Looking back I can almost smile it couldn't have gone more wrong if I tried! , no wonder I got in so easily!! I found a new one and fingers crossed he seems nice, I have had two visits with the shrink and come out by skin of my teeth and with more medications, I really shouldn't be conscious! I think I are helping a bit but I still feel like I'm drowning. I compleated and returned my royal commission statement so that's another hurdle over and work's been quiet so that has to be a blessing in itself. My ankle is out of plaster after 2 months and now I have to learn to walk again, I thought I would be off in racing but there's too much damage, anyway I'm still keeping my head above water I think I might invest in a snorkel!! I have tried the Beyond Blue chat line when I'm down but always end up disconnecting as I'm worried I'll get a knock at the door. Anyway one day at a time, I hope you are doing ok? And keeping the shitty weather blues from your door, take care and hear from you when you have time.

Hi there Helen,

I must apologise, I've got a flu even though I had the vaccine (& had a bad reaction to it this year. I don't know if that had anything to do with me catching a flu or not. Like to find out, 😼then I know what to blame & be cranky at!

I'm glad to hear some good news from you.😺I think it's good that you have a part of your life that is quiet for you - gives you a place where you can be calmer more quiet yourself.

How did you feel submitting your statement to the Royal Commission? I'm betting it was very difficult,& brought up many memories & feelings. Did you have specific support to help you through the process? Do you think you said everything you needed to say?

Those meds seem pretty full on. Taking them, though, are you able to work with your psych better than when you didn't have them? That's the thing to keep in mind.

It' unfortunate about your ankle. Seems to me some people are so eager to give us hope they might overlook how complex an injury is, to tell us we'll be right as rain in no time, & while healing the time drags all the more. My own post surgery injury is taking so long, it seems to me. Parts of my body still feel tender / numb / swollen & not healing as well as I was given to believe was entirely likely - no promises.

That's life, isn't it? We are faced with challenges, & we can sink & drown, learn to tread water, swim, or 😺snorkel! (I hadn't thought of that one. It's a very good idea.

Mostly I've felt I was drowned & then treading water, the surface rippling up over my face, but now I think I hav been learning to swim for the past several years, without actually knowing I was. I do credit my Psychiatrist for what he has helped me with. Mostly jolly good questions!

I need to leave it here for now. It's this 'Dreaded Lurgy' - the old radio show, 'The Goon Show'. It's English, fast & I think, very funny.

Warmly, ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🏊‍♀️(Is that really a 'woman swimming'? That;s what my text-to-speech says...)

mmMekitty😺/🙀/😾...

...😺

Hi mmMeKitty hope you've got over your flu (vaccine), I've been lucky and have had no adverse reactions to the flu or covid boosters, getting ready for booster number 4 trying to work out where we can go and get it done with living in the country. I'm starting to walk ( cam boot and crutches) without the wheelchair although still need that for longer distances like if we go shopping, leg feels really weird as the ankle doesn't move anymore I'm meant to buy rocker shoes but don't have a spare $300 lying around so they will have to wait.have been all over the place, hubby has been diagnosed again with Spinal issues where the bones are compressing on the nerves( super serious) but hes on public so God knows how long that's going to take( hopefully before he is paralysed) just when you think things are picking up life throws another dungball at you!! I'm trying to be strong but it's not really working , I feel like I'm in a slippery well and cannot climb out! anyway been on a downer at the moment so not eating weights plummeting which is terrific who needs Jenny Craig! still waiting to see if my NDIS is going to be passed although I have a head attached to my shoulders so I doubt it, I don't know why everything has to be so hard and yet seems some people have got the system worked out I've got no idea what they do? anyway hear from you when you can keep well stay safe kind regards Helen

Hi Helen,

People getting a regular payment from Centrelink might be able to get a loan, which I think, is interest free, & is paid back over time, through the regular payment being reduced. I've not done this, but I think it might be worth your while asking Centrelink about it. I gather you need the rocker boot for mobility, which is a legitimate reason for asking about a loan.

It seems a time to be focusing on those tools you've been learning.

These physical difficulties can be a source of stress, so what do you do to relieve the tension in your body, the thoughts in your mind, & care for yourself?

Sounds like your hubby can do with some of this, too. If he doesn't already have some tools, you could show him what you've learned.

What can you do to lift your mood? I'm sorry, I'm forgetting what things you like to do. I think you said you enjoyed doing the drawing, which I thought was a great idea for expressing feelings.

Are there places you can go, outdoors, somewhere quiet & peaceful? I think that would be something you could enjoy. Maybe it’s not the camping, but a natural setting, no walls, not a crowded noisy place.

I can’t explain NDIS’s process. I don’t think being intelligent has a lot to do with any physical disability or even with mental health conditions - what seemed to matter is if what you want to claim NDIS support for must be diagnosed & verified by a relevantly qualified medical practitioner. & then, they have their own ideas about how much you are effected by your disability. That’s how it seemed to me.

Is it in your best interest to not eat? How does losing so much weight so quickly effect your health? From what I’ve ever heard, there is very little to recommend it.

Our bodies need a certain amount of food to give us the energy we need to function in our daily lives. Bodies need the proteins, vitamins & minerals, good nutrients like that.

If it seems too much effort, like it did while I was fluey, have soups - they go down real easy. I use frozen mixed veg, with water & some stock powder, & I boil it up until vegies are mushy, & sometimes I add a little ham or chicken, cook that through, add milk, because I like creaminess. & that’s it.

You like pre-packaged soups, just heat & eat. There’s lots to choose from.

Cereal, oats, with fruit, fruit on its own, yoghurt, (with or without fruit).

You might prefer to have 4-5 small meals rather than 2-3 large, in a day.

Warmly,

❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty

Hi Helen,

I'm so sorry this is happening, although I'm not sure why, or if your psychologist was right or wrong saying what they did - giving you an ultimatum like that. If your psychologist was very concerned, I'd say they have an obligation, as a duty of care to you & anyone near you, if you have in any way threatened harm to yourself or others.

If you are a threat to your hubby, don't you think he ought to know? Likely, it will distress him. Knowing a threat exists means he can be aware & do whatever he must to protect himself.

If you have made a threat to suicide, then you need help to keep yourself from such a tragedy.

In the work you have done, it is common for the workers, police who attend as well, & I don't know who else, to know of others around them to be in distress, or suffering depression, anxiety, PTSD, burn-out, & more, even themselves, so I would expect the local police are very aware of the effects of doing these difficult & dangerous jobs on the workers. Do you imagine they would treat you without compassion & understanding?

Again, I'm so sorry the circumstances are such that decisions about getting you to a safe place may be made for you. It would be far better for you, if you recognise when you may be at risk of harming yourself or someone else, then to act in your own best interest, & voluntarily go into hospital.

I know it's not where you want to be, but consider, how much worse, if something horrible & undoable was to happen? I do, & it scares me to tears, for you. Sincerely, I want you to be free of these terrible feelings, to be well, to enjoy life, to love & care for your hubby, to feel good in your work, everything. Whatever effort it takes, you deserve this.

My best ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, always,

mmMekitty

Hello Helen,

I am relieved to understand you are not threatening harm to your hubby.

& it seems he already knows how deep your struggle is, & is so very concerned that he checks on you when you are very low. What does that tell you about his feelings for you?

It's one thing to want to protect him, to keep him from seeing the worst, but to hide what is going on for you from your psych seems counterproductive to me.

I'll tell you, you remind me of someone I once knew. I won't go into detail, except because I was, (so he said, & I believed), the only person he talked to like he ought to have talked with his Psychiatrist, I became overwhelmed & over burdened with his secrets. I had to end the friendship.

Like him, I want to help you more than I can.

I keep asking myself, why does Helen keep fighting against receiving the help she has been offered?

Tonight I ask, why is she "been practising to be bright and happy happy", still pretending to people who know she has the moods & thoughts, enough to go on with, at any rate?

Like you, I've had many times when I wonder why keep going? & somehow I'm still here, when I haven't yet, really wanted to be. It's taken a long, long time for me to feel I could do some good. I had to reach out, offer, as I do here, whatever I think might help, or just to offer an emoji smile, but one I hope will lift someone's day for a few minutes. I think a little something everyday is very much better than unremitting sadness or pain or misery. It got me through the toughest days. Something like seeing the moon, or some silly joke makes e laugh, a song i like, or yummy food I buy or better yet, have made myself.

So after all these years, I am here for you.

I think, hiding, you are running away from yourself, those memories, too I suspect, too. Eventually, there may be nowhere to run or hide. Maybe you keep on as you are, until the natural end to your life, & have a lifetime of running & hiding to look back on?

I did that for something like 20 years before I could no longer run. I hope you face what you are running & hiding very much sooner than that.

Warmly, ❤️❤️❤️❤️,

mmMekitty

Hi Helen,

That movie sure has done a lot to dissuade people from ECT.

Please talk to your treating doctor, ask all the questions you have. Write a list for them.

It is important that you are well-informed before agreeing to the treatment.

I only know it is not like that movie.

❤️❤️❤️❤️, I'll be thinking of you.

mmMekitty