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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Fear of becoming another Victorian lockdown statistic

Topic: Fear of becoming another Victorian lockdown statistic

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. DeltaJ
    DeltaJ avatar
    22 posts
    13 February 2021

    I have fought the urge to write another thread here today, but am feeling extremely isolated due to the latest snap lockdown in Victoria.

    I’ve had a bad couple of weeks and came close for the first time ever, to ending it all. I ended up being talked into going to hospital emergency where I was admitted for 3 days of care. I then transferred to a residential recovery centre, supposedly for a couple of weeks, but due to a number of circumstances, including covid restrictions, ended up home on my own again, but with a small positive hope of some face to face support in my community…. then the lockdown happened!
    I live in a regional community where no case have ever been, but I have to endure the isolated lifestyle because it’s the law, and my struggle has been worsening independent of covid. When admitted to hospital, I had the most severe anxiety and depression I have ever experienced and spent most of the time crying for no reason. I fear now the same cycle is beginning, with the anxiety pangs building, and feel the never ending restrictions leave no hope of every recovering. I wish I could live in another state, where on the whole most people have lived with some degree of freedom. I live on my own, and I am now not allowed to visit anyone, nor anyone come to my house. Surely if I’m in such a state, there could be an exemption for that, as I may end up gone anyway, regardless of the risk of covid infection. I have been given a local crises hotline, but I’m too timid to ring it. And no one is allowed to physically visit me anyway.

    I'm condemned to talk to people on virtual for the rest of my life! I started on antidepressants a couple of weeks ago, but they have caused me more problems and I won't take them anymore.

    I'm tired and the world has become too complicated, and is not for me :-(

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6620 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to DeltaJ

    Hey DeltaJ,

    Thank you so much for having the strength to reach out to our community. We are so glad that you've chosen to publish your thread and to give us the opportunity to support you through what sounds like a very challenging and exhausting time in your life. 

    We're so sorry to hear how the current Victorian lockdown has removed an opportunity to stay at a recovery center and to receive face-to-face support. We can understand how important this would be to reduce your feelings of isolation. We hope you can gain the strength to reach out to the local hotline provided to you. We understand how frightening this can be but please know the counsellor is there to listen and support you and that you deserve to be heard and receive support. Our Support service is also reaching out to you via email to check-in.

    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    Please check-in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

  3. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2485 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to DeltaJ
    Care is one of the reasons to leave your home. You are allowed to leave to receive care and others are allowed to give care during the lockdown. Obviously that is not an excuse to have lots of visitors but if you are unwell or disabled or frail aged you are allowed to have someone to care for you in person. During the last lockdown in Vic I was told by DHHS my son could visit to assist my husband to give me a break from caring for him and I was allowed to visit my daughter for a break due to MH issues and the stress I was under. I am close to someone who became suicidal in the last lockdown. A close relative arranged for them to visit on a weekly basis during the crisis and after to prevent another crisis. The relative arranged a telehealth appointment with the persons doctor to get a letter as proof of needing care
  4. DeltaJ
    DeltaJ avatar
    22 posts
    14 February 2021

    Thank you both for your replies.

    I'm not sure using this excuse to visit or be visited will leave me feeling safe from possible target from authorities as I've always suffered from a bit of paranoia brought on by media and the authorities about threats of doing the wrong thing. My whole life, I've always been intensely scared of breaking the law inadvertently, and it is one of the things which brings on panic attacks if I feel I will get into trouble.

    I did though, get a call from the suicide callback helpline, and this time the person was very helpful. She was obviously very experienced, and new what to say to me. She provided me with some pragmatic information I'd not heard before. I am very grateful to her for the patience and understanding she had. She was just a wonderful human being! I've not talked to suicide callback before and for once I did find some support. It didn't solve my problems, but it did have me feeling a little better for a short time.

  5. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2485 posts
    14 February 2021 in reply to DeltaJ
    This is why the relative organised written letter from doctor stating why the person required care. Trying to explain to a policeman what is happening when you are struggling is too hard.Far easier to just show the letter rather than try to talk. I carried a letter from my psych which emailed me so I could print it. It gave permission for me to do things Normally not allowed under stage 4 It was scary but I kept reminding myself I had the letter to show if questioned by police. That helped me cope.
  6. DeltaJ
    DeltaJ avatar
    22 posts
    14 February 2021 in reply to Elizabeth CP
    Yes I understand. Trouble is, I don't have a GP, and getting one who doesn't know me to write a letter may be a challenge for me, as I've had trouble in the past getting GP's to provide me documentation because they don't know me. So too any medical or psychological support other than the hospital, which is a long way away. I'm a bit stranded when it comes to all this physical support, as to why it's all got to this point. The best I can hope for is some phone help I'm afraid. If that's not enough, well I have no more fight in me.

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