I have fought the urge to write another thread here today, but am feeling extremely isolated due to the latest snap lockdown in Victoria.
I’ve had a bad couple of weeks and came close for the first time ever, to ending it all. I ended up being talked into going to hospital emergency where I was admitted for 3 days of care. I then transferred to a residential recovery centre, supposedly for a couple of weeks, but due to a number of circumstances, including covid restrictions, ended up home on my own again, but with a small positive hope of some face to face support in my community…. then the lockdown happened!
I live in a regional community where no case have ever been, but I have to endure the isolated lifestyle because it’s the law, and my struggle has been worsening independent of covid. When admitted to hospital, I had the most severe anxiety and depression I have ever experienced and spent most of the time crying for no reason. I fear now the same cycle is beginning, with the anxiety pangs building, and feel the never ending restrictions leave no hope of every recovering. I wish I could live in another state, where on the whole most people have lived with some degree of freedom. I live on my own, and I am now not allowed to visit anyone, nor anyone come to my house. Surely if I’m in such a state, there could be an exemption for that, as I may end up gone anyway, regardless of the risk of covid infection. I have been given a local crises hotline, but I’m too timid to ring it. And no one is allowed to physically visit me anyway.
I'm condemned to talk to people on virtual for the rest of my life! I started on antidepressants a couple of weeks ago, but they have caused me more problems and I won't take them anymore.
I'm tired and the world has become too complicated, and is not for me :-(