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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Fighting for me v. so very tired of everything

Topic: Fighting for me v. so very tired of everything

  1. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    19 November 2021
    It’s all a mess
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    smallwolf avatar
    6174 posts
    19 November 2021 in reply to Anne(withan-e)

    Hi. What time were you posting?

    Sorry I missed you. You seem quite determined in your post on stopping. And perhaps messed up, I have not been there. I hope it works out for you. What strategies do you have to cope?

  3. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    29 November 2021

    I posted when the forum was down.

    Dont have the energy to rehash it all.

    Im very sad. Drowning. Feel a bit hopeless really. Don’t want to die though. Just don’t want to feel so bad

  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6590 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to Anne(withan-e)
    Hi  Anne(withan-e),

    We are so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and sorry that you weren't able to post. Whenever you feel up to it the community will be here to listen. We are glad to hear that you are safe. If you feel that changes please reach out to 000 (triple zero) immediately. If you need any further support tonight please don't hesitate to reach out to Beyond blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.
     
  5. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    29 November 2021

    Yeah thanks. They’re lovely. But not helpful. I usually just feel worse.

    I don’t know what to do.

    it just feels like I’m never going to get better

  6. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6590 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to Anne(withan-e)
    Hi Anne(withan-e),

    Sorry to hear that. We encourage you to get some ongoing support from a psychologist if you don't already have some. You can do this through your GP, they will help you with a Mental Health Care Plan and a referral.
  7. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    30 November 2021 in reply to Sophie_M
    I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m hard work and painful. I wish it helped. I feel like such a failure
  8. Mk2692
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mk2692 avatar
    106 posts
    30 November 2021 in reply to Anne(withan-e)

    Hi Anne(withan-e),

    It sounds like you are going through a tough time. Don't be sorry and it's ok to feel down sometimes. We are here to help and support you every step of the way. Whenever you are ready to talk, we will be there for you and provide you with the support you need.

  9. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    2 March 2022 in reply to Mk2692

    I’m still ‘going through a tough time’.

    im so sad to read back on my posts and realise that I haven’t really made any progress, I’m not doing any better. I still don’t know how to keep treading water, it’s pretty exhausting…

  10. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6174 posts
    3 March 2022 in reply to Anne(withan-e)

    hello Anne,

    It been a little while since i last heard from you. Sorry things dont seem to have improved for you and don't feel as though you are making progress. I wonder if you might be able to think of this time as going down into a valley ... it has to the come to an end soon and you will be on the way up again - at least that works for me.

    do you want to chat about what happened?

  11. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    4 March 2022 in reply to smallwolf
    Thanks for checking in, I guess a lot has happened but not much.
    I feel like I’m not allowed to talk about how bad I really feel, that it’s unacceptable to be so broken, like I’m censoring myself or being censored all the time.
    I’m too scared to talk openly about what brings me here.
    I feel like no one wants to know what it’s really like, you’re just meant to project that your happy and together.
  12. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    4 March 2022 in reply to Anne(withan-e)

    Hello,

    Ur here and Ur writing

    In my lowest I couldn't do that

    I see progress in u, Ur voice is clear and honest.

  13. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    35 posts
    4 March 2022

    I relate to that feeling, Anne. Feeling like I shouldn't talk about it, closing myself off more every day. I think a lot of people must feel that way, you're definitely not alone in that feeling.

    And I just want to say that people will care. I just got here and I want to hear what you want to say. And others do too.

    Like sleepy says, you are here and you are trying. Even if all the words you want aren't coming, you are trying. And I think thats good. Will be thinking about you, Anna

  14. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    5 March 2022

    Some of it is the confusion over my constantly conflicting feelings and wants. Like my opening post in Thai thread… Feeling like I want to fight to be okay vs not wanting to face anything and giving up.

    it seems like everything is a double bind or a no-win situation.

    if I talk about things I feel I’m weak, or overdramatizing. If I don’t I’m not helping myself and staying in my own mess, and not helping others.

    I am so stuck. It’s easier to keep it all in and pretend it didn’t happen.

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6590 posts
    5 March 2022 in reply to Anne(withan-e)
    Hi Anne,

    We are grateful as always that you have remained engaged with us! It can be very hard to open up sometimes, especially when we have been made to feel 'too much' in the past. and feeling like we are communicating with clarity can be a real challenge when that is what we believe.

    Let me assure you, chipping away at these obstacles a word at a time is the best path to healing in a lot of situations, and remembering asking of viewpoints from others (which you are doing so well here!) gives us new opportunities to pull the knots undone!

    Please remember you can reach out to our team anytime, and we have webchat if that makes getting your thoughts out easier!

    Thank you for your bravery, as always!

    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  16. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    6174 posts
    6 March 2022 in reply to Sophie_M

    You said you feel weak for talking about what bothers you. I wonder how you would feel If a friend spoke to you about what bothered them?

    I will, like you, feel weak for lack of a better word. Yet after a conversation I generally feel better (relatively speaking). Brene Brown said that being vulnerable takes courage. It doesn't make it easier. At least this is what I think.

    At the samE time, you were being open which is being vulnerable.

    If I had a question... What things bother you? And what coping strategies do you have?

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    6 March 2022 in reply to smallwolf

    I feel like I’m not strong enough to handle it if I speak. That I’m looking for sympathy, or using it as an excuse.
    I’m also scared to lose control of it, or to have other people question me, my truth, my motives…

    my coping mechanisms aren’t good ones, denial, being busy, overcompensate/work harder/be better.

    id rather forget everything but my mind won’t let me ignore it…

  18. $teve68$
    $teve68$ avatar
    4 posts
    6 March 2022 in reply to Anne(withan-e)
    Hi, I have just started here and I hope you are OK. What you are saying is like you are in my head, except the surgery bit, I too am unwell but they just keep scanning me over and over again. I have several auto-immune diseases but besides that the start of your thread is my life too. Then I read your reply and again a mirror of my thoughts my first post was just venting with no back story, but I think that's ok. I'm going to just say what's in my head and I hope this helps me. It might help you too?
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Anne(withan-e)
    Anne(withan-e)  avatar
    92 posts
    29 March 2022 in reply to $teve68$
    Hope you’re doing okay Steve x
  20. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    6174 posts
    29 March 2022 in reply to Anne(withan-e)

    hey. long time, no hear from you.

    you said or you feel that your coping mechanisms are not very good.

    it can take time.

    but if you want to try and look at something else, have a look at virtual hope box and relax melodies. they each have different functions and both work looking at.

    if you want to talk about how you currently manage, i will listen...

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