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Topic: Help needed

  1. Ggrand
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    29 August 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Dear Farmer...

    Thank you so much for keeping us updated on what’s happening and how your feeling....

    It heart warming to hear that your feeling better today...I hope you can enjoy your day today and all the tomorrows..

    Talk anytime you feel up to it..

    Sitting with you ..with kind thoughts and care..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  2. demonblaster
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    29 August 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Dear Farmer and everyone ☺

    Thanks matey for letting us know. Good hearing from you. Have been thinking and hoping it all went well.

    Must be hard but also maybe a relief expecting it to be on that day and again put off till later.

    I hope you're managing better sleep and so good you're feeling a bit better.

    What also really made me happy was hearing you say along the lines of you're not going to give in. You have some serious strength you're accessing there. Keep that momentum up Farmer it's your survival mode kicking in.

    Wishing you good outcomes on Dec 1st. That'll give your lawyer some time to build your case.

    Lot of thoughts care and support Mr Farmer ☺

    🍃

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Farmer680
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    31 August 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Thank you very much everyone but these dark thoughts are hard to get rid of but I am erasing them every time they pop up,but they seem to come back the next day. I will stay strong.
    2 people found this helpful
  4. Ggrand
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    31 August 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hello Dear Farmer..

    I can relate to ridding ourselves of dark thoughts only to have them pop into our thoughts the next day...

    You’re doing a really good job Farmer of erasing them when they start chatting to you...I’m really very proud of you..

    When my dark thoughts invade my peace..I will listen to music, sing a long with it..Do some gardening or housework, anything to keep my mind and thoughts occupied on what I’m doing and away from the darkness...They are hard to quieten,,,

    Please Farmer remember that you done nothing wrong..those dark thoughts are not warranted at all..they are lying to you....believe in yourself dear Farmer..and try hard not to listen to your thoughts...Cover them over with things you like to do..

    My kindest and caring thoughts for you..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  5. demonblaster
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    2 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hi Farmer ☺

    I too can relate to dark thoughts.
    They're the pits and yes they are very persistent.

    There's so much to deal with when we're under such high stress as you certainly are.

    Not only do we lose a lot of sleep over days weeks and so on which apart from the cause of tremendous pain our emotions go into turmoil and even moreso with depression setting in.

    Our minds reaction is desparately wanting to be free of the pain and anguish. Hence dark thoughts.

    It doesn't feel like it but we are capable of holding up until they in time start to back off. Especially if you don't think more about them.

    She's deeply hurting & affecting all your lives in so many ways. If you acted on the thoughts possibly she'd feel more power like she's won. No dear Farmer don't give that to her!

    I urge you not to let her take anymore from you and your family.

    Hope to see you later if you're up to talking anytime and that you're finding more strength each day.

    Take care. All of you 🌿

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Farmer680
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    3 September 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Thank you very much the dark thoughts are like someone in your head saying do it your not scared to die, then I do everything in my power to try and get rid of them, this garbage has been going on now for 12 months since she started all her lies. we have had hardly any sleep it’s effected us everyday I know she would love nothing better than to destroy us, she had the good farm life for ten years but her phone was more important. Than her family, its just everyday I am nervous scared hardly sleep properly, and I haven’t done a single thing wrong, I need to stay strong my family could never run the farm without me, she is not going to destroy us, I will stay strong for my family and get through this, thank you everyone I will keep in touch.
    3 people found this helpful
  7. Ggrand
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    3 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hello Dear Farmer..

    Thank you for getting back to us with an update..

    Farmer...Please don’t give her the chance to destroy you and your family..Stay strong Farmer..and don’t let her win by destroying you...

    Your doing the right thing with distracting those dark thoughts...

    Do you think talking to your GP or a professional at all..even just for your lack of sleep and your anxiety?...They might be able to help you with meds or help you with talking your concerns out with a professional..Only if you want to...no pressure..

    Farmer..I don’t understand how kids today put so much of themselves into their phones..Idk..maybe it was her security blanket..she didn’t feel safe without it..it’s so hard to know what they think...

    I hope you can continue to fight those dark thoughts..you’re important and valuable to your family and friends..and to us here...Please take good care of you..

    Sending my kindest thoughts with care..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  8. demonblaster
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680
    Hi Farmer ☺

    Thanks. It's really good hearing from you.
    I was thinking same as our lovely Grandy that your GP might be able to help you at least take the edge off anxiety and what a huge relief when we start getting more sleep which is our main strength I believe.

    I certainly understand why you're thinking ahead about the farm.
    Seriously hoping you won't need to but I'm wondering is it possible to organise some help.
    You've helped a lot of people maybe they'd be happy to lend a hand if they can.

    A good way of releasing some stress Farmer is if you'd be up to some physical excercise.
    I imagine you're pretty busy with the hobby farm and know you're tired no doubt mentally and physically. Surprisingly exercise creates energy. Could be we need it to move.

    Walkings good and it doesn't have to be fast or a particularly long one until or if you want too. That's up to you.

    If you did perhaps it'd be good going somewhere different to stimulate the senses with new surroundings.
    It's stimulating looking around at trees houses grass hearing bird song etc which isn't only nice but clears the head for a while. It's more affective by focusing on the walk and what you see hear etc.

    You really are doing very well staying strong. Keep at it matey it's hard work I know but worth it.

    Everytime your thoughts say go...reply with NO!... then not only to avoid thinking further on it you can change the direction to why you want to live which stops the negatives even temporarily's a break.

    I hope you're all having at least some moments where you can smile and hold hope for a better future beyond this.
    My heart goes out to you all Farmer 💗

    🌿
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Farmer680
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    10 September 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Thank you it’s been so hard last few days, I work 4 hours a night in a hospital cleaning as well as run my farm during the day, this girl who has made up the lies about me, and other lies about my family has been hanging around my work with someone else she has a intervention order against us she shouldn’t even be near my work my wife emailed the police the direct email address they never reply back and never hear from them. It’s getting g me down you help people all your life and this happens.i might go and talk to someone as we have RU OK at work, the dark thoughts are coming more often I am trying my hardest to beat them.
    3 people found this helpful
  10. Ggrand
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    10 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hello Dear Farmer..

    Thank you for keeping us updated...

    I hope you managed to talk to someone at work today..

    Its a bit worrying the she is hanging around your work, especially with another person....Please be very careful and if possible don’t be on your own when she is around...I mean she lies, and has another “witness” with her..if she decides to “set you up”...I feel it’s extremely important that you’re not alone and no where near her/them...

    Farmer if your at work and you see her..please can you immediately call the police, instead of emailing them...If she is breaking the intervention order she is breaking the law....

    I can understand about helping people and they turn on you...It hurts so much..You have done no wrong Farmer...You gave her a home, family, care, clothes, schooling etc..

    When those thoughts come..keep trying to distract them as best as you can..We are here for you...with care...

    Talk anytime you feel up to it....Wishing you....all the best wishes I can..

    Kind thoughts with care..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  11. demonblaster
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    11 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hi Farmer Grandy and everyone ☺

    Good seeing you Farmer thanks for popping in and keeping us in touch with how it's going for you all.

    Dear man she's really making it hard for you. What a nightmare.

    I agree with our lovely Grandy best to ring the police directly you don't need more grief on top of what you have. I'm hopeful she'll trip herself up with these weak going ons. It might be a good idea to tell your lawyer too Farmer.

    You're under tremendous stress I know. It's incredibly hard all the time to stay on top of the extreme thoughts.

    Keep dismissing them Farmer. Alliw your next thought to say why you want to live. You have love in your life and reasons to keep going. She can't take anymore from you and your family, they need you and you them I've no doubt.

    It's terribly sad people like you doing such good for people and the community have to go through this.

    I hold high hope for a good outcome.

    Wishing you warmth care and support to you and your family.

    🍃

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Farmer680
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    29 September 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Hi everyone just popped back in I am doing ok but the anxiety is bad getting used to not much sleep now I am just existing from day to day, while she is going around laughing my lawyer said she now has 10 intervention orders against people why can’t the authorities see this is all a game what a massive waste of tax payers money , my lawyer said I should of got free legal aid because I am on low income as I only work 4.5 hours cleaning and don’t make much on the farm but DHS put a stop to it which he is going to pursue it further,he said I am the last dhs case he is going to do,he has seen the way they have wrecked family’s, it’s all a nightmare I keep asking myself why did we take up foster caring 10 years a go, if you knew this could happen we would never of done it. I told the police she was hanging around my work they said I had to prove it I told them we had known her for ten years part of our family I know exactly what she looks like and it was her, but never heard anymore back from them. I will just keep existing from day to day and stop the dark thoughts that are trying to take over, bye everyone
    2 people found this helpful
  13. smallwolf
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    29 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    hi. I have read your story and it is sad the position you are in from the latest post. And I guess your sleep issues would not be making anything easier for you.

    i guess that 10 years ago you had a dream, a vision, that you could do something for young people in trouble. To give them a start in life they might not have had otherwise. And now everything seems to feel it will come undone because of this situation. If you were anything like me, these thoughts would the spinning around in your in different forms that you cannot get rid of.

    I do not think that much I would say here would help you overcome the anxieties you feel.

    What I can tell you is this... your job as cleaner makes you a valuable person. your life on the farm makes you a valuable person. wanting to be foster parents make you a valuable person.

    I also hope that you would have some sort of plan for you when you need help - containing numbers like lifeline and 000 for when you need to reach out to someone.

    Tim

    3 people found this helpful
  14. demonblaster
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    29 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680
    Hi Farmer and everyone ☺

    Farmer it's good to see you. Thank you for returning to let us know how you're doing.

    Completely understandable the anxiety being high poor man and sleeps not coming easily. Both play a heavy role on how we think and our frame of mind.

    I remember yrs ago being incredibly tired and not able to sleep.
    I had a bath as hot as I could handle that was suggested which did the trick. With luck that might help if you have a bath.

    I too hope they'll take into consideration her having so many intervention orders.

    I understand you feeling like why did you do fostering.
    Sad, very sad how she's carrying on and messing with your lives so much.
    Farmer you've fostered out of the kindness of your hearts wanting to make a positive difference which I'm sure you and your wife have.
    She's one person. A very disturbed one by the sounds. None of this is fair Farmer. It's cruel and heartbreaking.

    Don't forget why you did this and what good you've done there and for the community.
    Believing in yourself is so important though I know extremely hard under such high stress.

    I really am so sorry for the pain and terrible treatment you're all going through.
    Wishing you and your family the very best.



    1 person found this helpful
  15. Farmer680
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    30 September 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Thank you very much everyone it’s much appreciated, I need to stop these dark thoughts it’s hard when you have lack of sleep working from daylight until dark and anxiety all day everyday, her twin sister who is still living with us she is now 17 said she never wants to see her sister again after all the pain she has put us through, she put her arms around us and said I love my family and I can’t thank use enough for everything you have done for me, she said you have taught me so much over the years I will never forget. she said her sister is lying and making up more lies to cover the first lies, we had tears in our eyes, when they first come to our farm they couldn’t read write or tell the time, now the one living with us she is in year 11 and getting top marks at school The other sister that took off with her mobile phone and made lies up about us is now struggling at school but when she was living with us she was doing great at school but her phone was more important than her family, my daughter who is a Div one nurse,and my other daughter is Dental nurse , can’t believe what’s happening she has intervention orders out against me and my family but the other week she sent my daughter a txt message saying she has a new mobile phone number we were dumbfounded we sent it straight to the police his direct email address. sorry if I talk to much. thank you for your support much appreciated.
    2 people found this helpful
  16. demonblaster
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    30 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hi Farmer ☺ and everyone 👋

    Please don't feel you're talking too much. No not at all. It's great you're letting some pain out.

    We care and can see you're in a really bad situation and are here because we want to stand by you.

    Good on you working so hard to support your family.

    I wonder do you think it could be worth seeing if your GP could give you something to help with sleep and anxiety.

    Beautiful what her twin said to you both. She spoke from her heart by the sounds. You need to hear some good things to remind you what good you do.

    Farmer always listening anytime you need to talk ☺

    🌿

    2 people found this helpful
  17. monkey_magic
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    30 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680
    Hi Farmer680,

    I've been talking here for over 3 1/2 years lol, others a lot longer so you're definitely not talking too much lol.

    Just to let u know I had those thoughts when I was in the thick of my situation but now that I'm out of it I'm ok.

    I didn't expect to win my case bcas odds were against me but I suprisingly did.

    Sometimes we don't know where the path will lead but with supporting evidence on your side you just don't know when the tables will turn.

    It can feel soul destroying but hang in there farmer.

    I echo what DB said I stand by you too!

    Much love and prayers for a good outcome.

    💗


    2 people found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
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    30 September 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Farmer

    i have read all your post and am glad there is support. I had someone close to me accused of serious allegations which were untrue. He was a farmer and avo affected his work. It is sad and unfair after you helped this girl but you know she is very troubled .

    Hopefully she gets the help she needs before more people are hurt.

    Take care

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Farmer680
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    1 October 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    Thank you, I have never done a thing wrong in my life all I have done is help people, helping people with grass hay who were struggling fixing there cars when they were struggling to pay there household bills but all we got was told of by the police for not letting them have a mobile phone until there 18, if you can’t set boundaries kids get out of control they then have no respect for people, 100% of the foster children we had never knew boundaries because when you have a 5 year standing there telling you every swear word you could imagine and sticking his fingers up at you that says it all, we had one kid no carer in Victoria wanted him he was so bad,we had him for 2 years in the end he was sitting up with us at a cafe his manners were perfect when he left and went back to his parents he turned to us and said love use and he cried. so in the end we were giving troubled children a life they never had, but we are very hurt by the foster care organisation in our town they just scrubbed us after hearing about the allegations, 10 years we went to every meeting every access with out fail even the children’s mothers were praising us for the way the children were dressed and how well mannered they were. then it became a night mare and it’s been hell on earth ever since, I told the police she was hanging around my work she will be trying to get me the sack, she needs mental help, thank you everyone.
    2 people found this helpful
  20. demonblaster
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    2 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hi Farmer ☺

    It sure is a roar deal. I'm so sorry that you're all going through such malicious treatment.

    I'm hopeful that your time and experience with your previous foster kids can be used in your case that you've both done well by these children.

    I'm glad you're talking here, it's an outlet for you.

    I'd forgotten you work at the hospital as well when I suggested a walk you probably don't have much time spare I imagine.

    Are there cameras at work that could prove she's hanging around. Alternatively could someone take some pics for proof.

    I really hope there are some times that you can smile amidst all this Farmer.

    Stay strong like you are Mr Farmer. You have a great deal to live for.

    Best to you all ☺

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Farmer680
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    4 October 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Thank you my Daughter who is a Div one nurse was told by someone high up there is going to be a massive investigation in to Dhs and foster care association by A Current Affair They said the suicide rate has gone up for carers who have had false allegations made against them, and I know exactly how carers feel when false allegations are made against them it’s hell on earth and straight away your brain tells you the only way out is suicide, it’s alright the children get protected by child protection but who protects the carer when they have high risk children or have false allegations made against. No one you get zero support from anyone and if you commit suicide your just another person who left the earth, they will find someone else to take your place. Sorry I am trying not to get to the stage where there is no way out but leave the earth.

    3 people found this helpful
  22. Sophie_M
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    4 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680
    Hi Farmer680,

    We are sorry to hear that you continue to struggle with thoughts to end your life. We can hear how overwhelming this situation is. We would again strongly urge you to seek professional help as it is really important that you take immediate steps to keep yourself safe and well.

    We hope that you can keep finding the strength to manage these difficult thoughts and also find the strength to reach out for professional support. You don't have to do this alone.

    In addition to the supports we have previously mentioned, you might be interested in reac hing out to MensLine. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

    We would again strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    Feel free to keep checking back in when you feel up to it - our community is here for you. 
    2 people found this helpful
  23. Ggrand
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    4 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Dear Farmer,

    Please don’t consider that the only way out is suicide...because it really isn’t, she will win if you do that, and your family will be absolutely devastated...and so will we all be.....

    You have such a beautiful soul, fostering these children, and also you work in a hospital as well as farming your land....

    If she is hanging around the hospital, the hospital security cameras will pick her image up..that’s proof for you that she is stalking you....The police are able to get hold of the cameras and act on it....

    My heart really does go out to you....Please don’t give up on you....You have done so much good and giving young children a chance in life...not many people can do that..I’m sure the courts will speak to ever foster child you have cared for and will get good reports from them...even her twin sister says she is lying...The courts should listen to these reports and work out she is lying....

    Keep strong in yourself farmer...keep your hope that the courts will see through her..I mean she is the only one that has made allegations against you, and only because of a phone...I’m praying so hard that you can remain strong and hold your faith that this will all turn out the way it should...You’re innocent farmer...I believe you, why shouldn’t the courts?..

    I am deeply sorry that I can’t offer you any more then a few words...I care about you dear farmer..your family loves you..Please stay strong...and talk here anytime...I have been listening here..with my care, concern and love..

    Gentle and caring hugs 🤗 Dear Farmer..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  24. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    4 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680
    It appears this is still a great struggle for you. I cannot imagine the thoughts you are having at the moment. I also hope you have some time to enjoy the moments. I am unfamiliar with the systems you mentioned except that I have read stories of carers in other countries who struggle when untrue allegations are made and have nowhere to turn for support. And so your story is also important and hope you will get to tell your story and changes implemented where required. Please also remember there are organisations you can call, people you can talk to, because you are worthy and valuable.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Farmer680
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    5 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Thank you the thing is she had a mobile phone hidden from us for nearly 12 months she was charging it my shed on a charger she had then would hide it all it’s only 12 months later my wife heard it make a noise in her school bag but she kept saying she never had one but her other sister said stop lying and give it up which she did, our lawyer said by that time she was addicted to the phone then she wanted revenge so took off and never come back living with someone else spreading lies all around her school as her sister was at the same school and she was hearing it Then all over town. It was hell on earth when we had police knocking on our door searching our place,her own blood parents want nothing to do with her ever again, sorry it’s just so hard at the moment living from day to day not knowing what will happen next. It makes us sad that the organisation we gave up over ten years of our life to help them and children have chucked us and want nothing to do with us as if to say we are guilt already , carers are never protected but it’s never told in training all they do is tell you how wonderful foster caring is never the bad side, I will keep going fighting the demons I will stay strong.
    3 people found this helpful
  26. smallwolf
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    5 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Its said that you feel let down and angry at the system that you wanted to help those years ago. I know your situation is unique (not everyone will go through it) but that not knowing and in you case of what is happening or when things will be resolved sounds the worst thing to go through.

    I don't know why your foster child did what she did but understand that you are not the first person to have allegations made against them - I did a google search for "foster parent accused" and "foster parent how to deal with accuse" to learn something about what you are going through.

    (It could also be true she did not have full awareness of the consequences and just wanted the phone back.)

    I hope you are able to find some time to look after yourself. In QLD and NT there is also Parentline you could contact, and NSW has APANSW. Similar organizations might be able to help you feel not so alone and isolated.

    Tim

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Farmer680
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    72 posts
    5 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Hi thank you my lawyer said it’s common it happens at least twice a week some where in Australia to carers it’s nothing new, when she took off after her phone was handed to the police after what was on it few months later she contacted me and my wife back begging to come home and said sorry for making everything up and ruining your family that was the first lot of allegations but she had no intentions at all to come back she played us like a puppet on a string but the lies were unbelievable not only to us but the dhs her case worker her teachers the welfare at her school ect when we caught her out the second lot of allegations come out both lots cleared but when we said enough no more we are warn out with all the lies she then got a intervention order against me my wife and daughter , then the third lot of allegations have come forward we just want her to stop her lies and go away we have had enough, we are worn out massive stress on my family and financial stress too. Sorry it’s hard on us.
    2 people found this helpful
  28. demonblaster
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    6 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    Hey Farmer and everyone ☺

    Wow staggering isn't it the amount of people going through this.

    It seems each time she doesn't get her way she retalliates hard.

    I'm hoping it'll be in your favor as well that so many knew she was lying.

    It's good you're talking here. I hope it gives you some outlet.

    Always wishing for good for you all.

    🍃

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Farmer680
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    72 posts
    7 October 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Thank you, I am so glad people want to actually talk about it instead of judging people who think suicide as madman, it has really opened my eyes up to the amount of suicide that’s happening in Australia it’s so sad, some days I am great then next day all I think about is. leaving this earth then I fight it and I am good again but I can see how people think there is no way out so they go a head with it. if the organisation had of told us in training about all of this we wouldn’t of done foster caring it should be made compulsory to tell people in training what can happen and does happen,the carer never gets protected all they do is get chucked like an oily rag when something goes wrong, through all this hell my family including the 17 year old child who stayed with us are closer than ever, the other sister took off she has lost out on a good life on our farm. Sorry if I rant to much.
    2 people found this helpful
  30. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6176 posts
    7 October 2020 in reply to Farmer680

    If you find posting here helpful to you, I would ask you to continue. There is nothing worse than keeping the feelings and thoughts you have inside. People here will respond and as I have said before, are all supportive and non-judgemental. Our stories are different and many of us have an understanding of each others ups and downs at some level. Remember each day that you start to feel low, that you have made it through before.

    One other thing... you are not a madman - the stresses this puts on you is not something I could comprehend.I would think you reactions would be natural for someone in your position under investigation.

    In telling your story here, and be open takes courage.

    A very quick story - I was getting tests done for cancer last year. It was a couple of weeks before I would find out result. The specialist told me to try to compartmentalize the thoughts and possibilities. Nothing eventuated luckily. But that waiting period for a result is difficult.

    I feel your situation would be worse than that.

    As I said, I hope writing in this space help you.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful

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