Hello.

I’ve never acted in an environment like this so I hope I come across okay. I’ve been struggling with depressing thoughts and feelings for 3+ years now. I’m in my early 30’s and a father/husband, but I’m scared to let anyone know what’s really going on.

I’ve thought about talking to a doctor but I always talk my self out of it with something like “no, I’ll be okay. I can make it go away” sort of attitude. But it never goes. Sometimes I’ll have a week of “peace” but that will often stop with nights like tonight. Where all my thoughts are screaming at me about how useless I am, or I’ll cry while I’m alone and the house sleeps.... And I’ll have really bad thoughts like “is it a big deal if I’m gone?”
So far the thought of my wife and kids finding that has always made those thoughts go a little quiet, but I’m scared one day it won’t be enough. But I’m terrified to tell anyone.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

MAlert

Welcome MAlert,

We are so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with these thoughts alone for so long, we are so glad that you have reached out this evening to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort, and perhaps some direction if you're feeling unsure of what to do.

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope with these dark thoughts, especially if you struggle to open up to family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

It's common to feel scared about opening up about these feelings for the first time. You might be interested in our page for some tips on how to have this conversation with loved ones - “Talk about it".

Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. Thanks again for reaching out here, hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.

hi and welcome,

I am about 20 years senior to you. Things had been tracking badly for more than 5 years for me. However something happened about 3 years ago that made me see my GP about depression etc. I was sent to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion and then sent back for a mental health plan. Then, 6 months after that, I was staring at something on a bench with thoughts of ending my life. Stress leave, add a psychiatrist and things are slightly better.

When all this happened I thought this only happened to me. Like you, there were days I felt OK. But mostly I was not. And when I was OK I thought it passed. Until that downward spiral started again.

On coming here, I found that I was not the only one with these types of thoughts - there were many people here that cared about me. And the same for you.

If you are anything like me and think of yourself as useless or whatever, please know you are loved, respected, have talents that other look for. Perhaps a new journey starts here. If you don't already, talking with others and/or a professional can help to find ways to cope.

Peace and comforting thoughts, Tim

TestFive