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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Hi. New and nervous.

Topic: Hi. New and nervous.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. MAlert
    MAlert avatar
    1 posts
    11 January 2021


    I’ve never acted in an environment like this so I hope I come across okay. I’ve been struggling with depressing thoughts and feelings for 3+ years now. I’m in my early 30’s and a father/husband, but I’m scared to let anyone know what’s really going on.

    I’ve thought about talking to a doctor but I always talk my self out of it with something like “no, I’ll be okay. I can make it go away” sort of attitude. But it never goes. Sometimes I’ll have a week of “peace” but that will often stop with nights like tonight. Where all my thoughts are screaming at me about how useless I am, or I’ll cry while I’m alone and the house sleeps.... And I’ll have really bad thoughts like “is it a big deal if I’m gone?”
    So far the thought of my wife and kids finding that has always made those thoughts go a little quiet, but I’m scared one day it won’t be enough. But I’m terrified to tell anyone.

    I don’t know what to do anymore.


    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6824 posts
    11 January 2021 in reply to MAlert
    Welcome MAlert,

    We are so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with these thoughts alone for so long, we are so glad that you have reached out this evening to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort, and perhaps some direction if you're feeling unsure of what to do.

    Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope with these dark thoughts, especially if you struggle to open up to family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website:  They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

    It's common to feel scared about opening up about these feelings for the first time. You might be interested in our page for some tips on how to have this conversation with loved ones - “Talk about it".

    Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. Thanks again for reaching out here, hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    6279 posts
    11 January 2021 in reply to MAlert

    hi and welcome,

    I am about 20 years senior to you. Things had been tracking badly for more than 5 years for me. However something happened about 3 years ago that made me see my GP about depression etc. I was sent to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion and then sent back for a mental health plan. Then, 6 months after that, I was staring at something on a bench with thoughts of ending my life. Stress leave, add a psychiatrist and things are slightly better.

    When all this happened I thought this only happened to me. Like you, there were days I felt OK. But mostly I was not. And when I was OK I thought it passed. Until that downward spiral started again.

    On coming here, I found that I was not the only one with these types of thoughts - there were many people here that cared about me. And the same for you.

    If you are anything like me and think of yourself as useless or whatever, please know you are loved, respected, have talents that other look for. Perhaps a new journey starts here. If you don't already, talking with others and/or a professional can help to find ways to cope.

    Peace and comforting thoughts, Tim

  4. Not_Batman
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Not_Batman avatar
    481 posts
    11 January 2021 in reply to smallwolf

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