Thank you so much for being so open and gutsy sharing your story. I agree with everything white knight and Sophie_M have said.
I also tend to move at a fast pace. I feel unfortable when I'm resting, or moving slowly. I tend to put myself under increasing amounts of pressure until I crack. I have gradually realised I was unwittingly connecting rest and respite with lazyness or irresponsibility. On some level I felt I was a "bad person" whenever I wasn't pushing myself to the limit.
Now I view rest and respite, and being kind to myself, as a duty, and I imagine this should be your focus over the coming weeks. Self-care is a responsibility as important as any other, perhaps more important. If you're like me, and feel uncomfortable resting, there are ways of resting that don't feel like resting. If you like pushing yourself, you could try to improve an art style you like. Also, I think physical exercise can be extremely beneficial in recovery, and exploring new physical skills (skating, dancing etc) can be very therapeutic.
While suicide is inherently a dark topic, there are definitely some positive aspects of going through what you have. For one, you will have perspective on something many people experience in one form or another, and other people will value this. As I started to recover from my worst, I began to think, "while I feel defective and ashamed, perhaps I can make all of this an asset somehow". I started volunteering running peer-support groups at an anxiety/depression org. I did this for many years, and the experience showed me just how widespread depression and suicide are across all sectors of the population, including very well-presented "normal" looking people. This made me realise I wasn't as defective as I thought. Also, I had direct experience to share that most of the other volunteers (who were psychology students) didn't, and many participants of the groups valued this. In addition to volunteering, there are even peer-support work jobs out there. These sorts of things may interest you down the line in your recovery.
Something a psychologist once said to me after a suicide attempt was something like "You haven't attempted suicide because you're defective. You attempted suicide because you're human." While I'm not entirely sure what he was getting at, the notion has stayed with me. All the best,