We are so sorry to hear that you don't feel real, that you feel numb, lonely, and as though you have lost everything that has ever meant something to you. It sounds like you really want support and to see some reasons to live, but that you don't know what to do in that regard right now. Correct us if we're wrong, but it sounds like you've had options offered to you, like medication and speaking (to a counsellor we assume?), but neither of these options feel right to you right now. Sometimes, mental health problems resolve on their own for people, but other times, a person needs to do something (i.e., challenge their way of thinking, do something different) in order to feel better. We're really glad you came here to share how you feel with us, especially because it sounds like nobody really knows how you truly feel right now, which would be tough. We hope that posting here, and receiving support, helps you to feel a little less lonely, and helps you to get some of these feelings off your chest.
It sounds like you may be having some suicidal thoughts. If things become more/too overwhelming for you, we encourage you to get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Please know that you are welcome to call our Support Service to talk through these feelings. Our counsellors can offer support, advice and referrals. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
Also please know that you are always able to post here and we are always around to listen and offer a helping hand where we can.