I'd like to welcome you here, it was a
pretty good move to come. You'll get other perspectives on the same problem.
It looks from what you say that you love your work -but sadly it does not
love you. The list of things that are going wrong starts with tiredness, then
not being able to eat properly, the financial cost, isolation and losing
friends - you realise all this. But most
importantly you think there may be no way out other than to kill yourself.
Well no job is worth that. Worrying about the people that have supported you
is natural, but in the end they would I'm sure rather have you around, live and
Frankly you remind me of me. I was in a job that had been a lifelong
ambition, I was good at it, all was fine -BUT it took its toll, it was simply
too much and I ended up invalided out suicidal, with PTSD, depression and
anxiety. I left things for far too long and only after losing the job, and also
attempts did I open up and tell the right people how I was.
I had a long way to go, but medical support, not being in that job any more,
and a loving family all combined so that as time went on I was able to look
back and see how bad I’d become, how dangerous my situation had been.
Now I'm OK, have a responsible occupation, satisfaction in my
accomplishments and also able to have both friends and a fine relationship with
my partner and family.
Yes there was a huge investment in that job, between training, time away
from home, on duty 2/7 , moving house -and my family supported me every time,
changing locations and jobs and schools to be with me.
I would ask you please do not make the same mistake as me, please get
professional help now, it is amazing what can be done. You can start with an
extended consultation with you GP, tell about your suicidal thoughts, loss of
weight and all the rest. Don't hold back on anything, no matter how frightening
or embarrassing (that's the bit I found hardest to do)
At the time I was very frightened of what I might do, and other times simply
wanted to fix it all once and for all. I had no one to talk to in my family.
Can I recommend on those times you feel that way give the Suicide Call Back
Service (1300 659 467) a call or web-chat them on
They can make a huge difference. The comfort of a reasonable caring voice,
experienced and not prone to panic or overreact.
I'd like to say more, I hope we can