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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / I forgot how to be happy

Topic: I forgot how to be happy

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Clover joe
    Clover joe  avatar
    1 posts
    13 May 2019
    I’m really young but I’m going through the worlds worst time. I was recently diagnosed with MS at just 17. It’s absolutely destroyed me. I have a maximum of three friends at the moment, everyone is gone. My dad isn’t on the scene and my family is a HUGE MESS. I have three brothers on the Autism spectrum and a single parent. Mum doesn’t work because she needs to be able to take the boys to their many many appointments. We have a crappy rental and struggle. Mum is consistently mad, the house is a mess. I haven’t been to school for the last 8 weeks because I’ve been so so sick, they’re looking to expel me. I don’t know how to fix it, I’m so sick. I’m a year 12 and used to thrive in school, I have so many academic awards but now here I am, failing, no friends and so sick. I forgot how to smile, my only person I really have left is my boyfriend and even then I’m not supposed to date so it’s stressful, I love him but it almost feels too much at the moment, he’s so good to me but I feel like I just can’t do it, I feel like a burden on him. I’m never happy. I was the happiest kid once upon a time. Now I’m depressed, I take 7 different medications a day, I come home to an angry mum, and I feel like absolute shit. I work and it’s so so much pressure. I’ve attempted suicide although was unsuccessful. Only few people know this though. I just want it all to end, I need a break from the universe. I don’t want to be sick anymore, I don’t want to take my medication, I don’t want to be expelled, I don’t want to disappoint my mum. I feel like I can’t fix this, I have no motivation because I’m so crushed. It doesn’t help that I’m loaded with trauma and PTSD. I watched my baby brother die, just to give you the idea. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to be happy, I want this to end. It’s so so hard, no one can fix it for me. I miss being able to smile, I was a happy kid. I feel like I have zero options and I feel like the universe is 110% against me.
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    2424 posts
    13 May 2019 in reply to Clover joe

    Hi Clover,

    welcome to beyond blue.

    I don't have any words that will help you or make you feel better. But I am listening to you. I have a sister-in-law on either side of the family with MS. Despite being on medication the weather also had a effect on one of them and had to move to a colder climate to avoid feeling run down, legarthic, etc.

    Have you, or are you able to speak with someone from school, such as the school counsellor about your situation? They might be able to give you options for help, and getting through this last year of school.

    I hope you don't mind of a give you a bunch of links...

    Headspace, ages 12-25, also have a free online 1:1 chat here

    Kids Helpline, anyone under the age of 25, have a free 1:1 chat here and a 24/7 number 1800 55 1800

    Lifeline. Most people are familiar with them on 13 11 14 but they also have a free 1:1 online chat open from 7pm til midnight

    Suicide Call Back Service. 24/7 online and phone counselling on 1300 659 467

    Lastly, there is hope. And your posting here is the start of a journey to finding that place. I hope you will stick around and tell some more of your story. While it would probably be helpful for you to get professional help, being able to talk to someone, even here, can help to get those thoughts out of your mind. At one time, I was posting nearly every day about things concerning me.

    Peace and comforting thoughts to you,


    1 person found this helpful
  3. Nahmate830
    Nahmate830 avatar
    20 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to Clover joe

    Hi Clover,

    have you a school counselor that you can talk to, someone professional that is on staff that can help you with the schools administration and give you some options for your education, special consideration is something that should be available, and from the sounds of it you would likely qualify.

    It would be rather odd for a school to consider expulsion of a student due to illness, are they aware of your situation or are they assuming that you are wagging?

    I'm really sorry that everything is so hard at the moment and i would urge you to contact one of the services that Tim has suggested above to get some help.

    Take Care


  4. I.Care
    I.Care avatar
    1 posts
    24 May 2019 in reply to Clover joe
    The universe is 110% on your side and we need you here, try to stay positive try waking up everyday with something that you would like to accomplish maybe a walk around the block, a puzzle, anything to keep your mind thinking of other things x

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