I wanted to stop in and say how proud I am of you for talking here, for posting here and for sharing such raw emotions that you are feeling, for reaching out to us when you are feeling like there is no point, but mostly for choosing you and choosing to stay.
I have no idea, no idea how painful these feelings must be for you, how the feeling of not being able to escape and not having any hope must feel like, what I do know though is that there are people who care, very much and sometimes it is the kindness of strangers on a place like this that can make you feel even the smallest bit of hope, of light that there are better days ahead, even a better moment in one day, even just for a minute.
As Katy and Sophie_M have said, we are here to listen and to sit with you through this time and to share anything you might want to talk about more, if you feel comfortable to that is. This is a very safe space and you are not judged here, you are not alone here and you MATTER, so very much. I know this may only seem like words on a screen but they are not, you can share and to reach out to us when you feel so very bad, the distraction here in chatting might be enough to give you some peace, even for a moment.
I was also wondering if you could reach out to your GP and get some support today, to get some professional advice and guidance. It might be hard to have the conversation but you can write it down on paper and hand it to them if that is more comfortable for you.
Also there are the support lines too that are backed with some of the most wonderful and caring humans that also want to see you have a moment of hope, and to let you know you matter, that people do care so much about you.
I hope to chat to you some more and I hope that there is one small moment of hope in today for you.