My heart goes out to you as you struggle with such overwhelming feelings. I believe, unless a person's been there, in the depths of despair and overwhelming pain, they just don't know what it's like, how it feels. From my own experience, there's nothing like it. It can feel so incredibly lonely. I'm so glad you came here to make a connection, whether it's to vent or make better sense of everything.
I've found, waking up to the complete insanity of those around us to be deeply challenging. Typically, it can go in one of two ways. First, you can simply think 'Just about everyone around me is insane' or you can begin to question your own sanity and your own abilities or lack of them. That second option can become incredibly depressing, when you're focusing on what you imagine to be your own faults.
Personally, I think you're a legend. Being a 'Play it safe' sort of gal, I'd be going for a job I'm familiar with. Takes a lot to put yourself out there in the way of growth through a job. So, here you announce to your employers 'Okay, I'm game. I can do this job as long as you train me to do it'. Their response, 'Sure'. You get the job and then you find out your employer's insane: 'Let's give this person the job and never train them in how to manage it'. What the...?! Will take it up a notch, 'Not only will we not train them properly but we'll also let them sit in the stress which comes with not being trained. We'll leave them twisting in the wind'. Seriously?!!! So then you say, in so many words, 'Hey people, can you get back to me on this, I really need to know' and their response is radio silence. Is everyone there insane? There is no fault in being courageous enough to take on a job you're not familiar with.
There is also no fault in being openhearted. The fault lays with the breaker of hearts. While the most sensitive openhearted open minded people are responsible for incredible progressive changes in this world, throughout history, the insensitive closed hearted and closed minded remain irresponsible. Personally, I feel it's a bit of a rip off how sensitive people are the ones who are led to take responsibility for the insensitive.
If you met with the revelation 'I'm surrounded by insensitive insane people', how would you begin to manage them? The question 'How do I go on living (with insane people)?' becomes an understandable question, on a quest to manage your path and the folk on it.
I love openhearted people. Such people are a gift :)