Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / I want to ask for help

Topic: I want to ask for help

  1. ____
    ____ avatar
    68 posts
    23 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hey Neerja,

    I don't really think I have a trigger. I think about death and funerals in the same way that other people think about what they're having for lunch or what they're doing on the weekend.

    The school does give extensions if you have a valid reason which does include mental health, but I'd need my parents to sign a note and I don't want them to know I'm having issues.

    I will admit, commerce can be very boring but it's quite useful later on i n life. I thankfully got a good teacher who manages to make it interesting sometimes, but i don't think anyone can make budgeting and choosing loans and insurance interesting.

    My school has a weird system with electives. In year 7 you have no electives, you have one in year 8 and two in year 9. The electives from year 9 continue into the ones for year ten so I don't have to choose what I'm doing next year. We have to do this because performing arts are compulsory and they take up six lessons a fortnight meaning we can't have as many electives.

    Thank you for being so kind. You are most definitely a good friend. Maybe the people you were friends with just weren't the right people. It's not necessarily something you did. There are some people I like, but they're not the kind of people I like to hang out with just because we're into different things.

    It's okay that you haven't done anything. All I've done is bake, work on assessments and binge watch greys anatomy.

    Thank you for everything

    Your friend

    April

  2. iitzMickle
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    iitzMickle avatar
    9 posts
    23 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Hey mate, I know from my own personal experience I started listening to a podcast called the mindset mentor, reading self help books and starting to work on myself from the inside. One of the things I found that helped me also was practicing gratitude. I started writing down 3 things each day and really focusing on why I was grateful for them. It takes a bit of work but believe me it’s worth it I managed to pull myself out of a depression that had been in my mind for 15 years it’s hard but investing time into making yourself the best version of you that you can and trying to be the best version of yourself each day is definitely one of the most rewarding things you could possibly do. I hope this helps. Stay strong <3

    1 person found this helpful
  3. iitzMickle
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    iitzMickle avatar
    9 posts
    23 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Also another thing I found really helped me was when I was stuck with bad thoughts I would recognise that I was overthinking and I would take 3 really deep breaths can be more but 3 helped me then I would focus on everything I could see for 15+ seconds then everything I could hear for 15+ seconds and then everything I could feel for 15+ seconds and then all of them at once. The hardest part is just catching yourself overthinking to execute this stratergy

  4. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    23 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Hi April,

    I understand what you mean about having those thoughts often. For me it's every day, especially in the mornings; I wonder why I have woken up and stuff, I know that doesn't make sense, sorry.

    I am really sorry you are going through this. I wanted to say that I am really glad that you are reaching out and talking to people.

    How is your school work and story going? Did you finish?

    Does the girl still follow you, did you talk to her and try to solve things?

    I am really glad you have a good teacher for Commerce. You are right about how interesting budgeting and choosing loans and insurances, lol. I do Business Management in my school, it is pretty boring. But the teacher plans things that are pretty interesting and helpful. Recently we made me designs for cars and our own business. Commerce sounds really hard, I am nervous to do it next year.

    Performing arts sounds fun! In my school, we start electives in year 9, and then we move schools for year 10. Because it is prep to 9, so some go to the connected senior college which is 10 to 12. We have this weird thing called futures program which is 5 hours every week. There we do a M.A.T (self-defence, this was awful and embarrassing) program, school-changing (we choose something we want to change or improve, as it is our last year) program, Media, Healthy Lifestyles and some other stuff which I don't remember, lol. I like your school's elective system, it sounds really good.

    I think you are right. In my entire life, I haven't had strong and kind friendships, usually, people use me, talk to me when they can't find anyone else, then leave and find better friends, leaving me alone again. Its always been the case. I understand what you mean about liking some people, but not hanging out with them, that's the case with my nicer friends in my class, but I just don't want to be a barrier and ruin my friendship with them in class.

    But I am really really glad that I have a friend like you. Thank you :)

    Thank you for being such a good friend and being here.

    How has your day been?

    I hope you are doing well. May your day be vibrant, hopeful and beautiful.

    Your friend,

    Neerja

  5. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    23 June 2020 in reply to iitzMickle

    Hi iitzMickle,

    I am really glad you managed to pull myself out of depression. :)

    You gave many helpful strategies, I think April will say the same too.

    My school counsellor made me do a gratitude journal, but it made me realise how much I don't deserve to be here.

    I hope you are doing well.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    24 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Hi April,

    It is really hard struggling with body image as a young girl. I'm sorry your struggling with sucicidal thoughts but grateful you have this forum at least, and can write here safely. I hope you find comfort watching Grey's (my sister also used to binge watch it and she loved it...) I think it's good to have a show to immerse yourself in and get to know all the chracters. I do that quite a bit, lately with Netflix shows (You and Dead to Me!) i get what you mean, i'm also overweight and don't fit neatly into the eating disorder category, which can make it hard to know where to get help from. I did call the Butterfly Foundation and can tell you a little about them if you ever want to call - they aren't too bad.

    Are you finishing term soon? Always love to read your posts.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    24 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hi Neerja,

    I feel sad to read how you feel, that you didn't really have anyone to turn to. I feel for you and know that a lot of teenagers feel the same. I always felt used like you said. I'm not sure if it was the same, but do you mean that you feel that people want to be your friend only for a certain purpose, then move on? I used to feel that, sometimes they'd be an exciting new friend or group of friends to enter our social group, and everyone wanted their attention/time, I never felt very important or significant, just like a person people passed through while looking for more exciting friends.
    Did you get the maths test back?? Hope in the end it was better than you thought.

    I've been doing a little better, it was a pretty exhausting few days for me but I appreciated the support from this thread, thank you for your kindness

    1 person found this helpful
  8. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hi April and Neerja

    Wow, both year 9.

    Neerja is is really comforting to see you posting in April’s thread after your many posts in your own thread. You have grown so much on this forum and to support another person in need like April is so commendable.

    Hi April. I’ve picked up on something you’ve posted about fictional writing. What a great ability and I also do that in the form of poetry. Have you got any poems? Have you tried writing poems?

    eg

    CHOOKA CHOOK


    Chooka chook had an angry look as she washed the dishes dry
    Her friend Pecky the hen, was taken away to be fried

    Then Rooty Rooster came to pass and saw Chooka sad

    He sad "dont be sad, be glad
    You havent been plucked nor baked, or cooked till you're black..unlike Daffy duck...who got cooked till he couldnt quack"

    Chooka chook no longer sooked, she did her dishes fast

    She never cried while she had her hide. ..she lived each day as her last....

    All my poems have hidden messages. I’m wondering how important you find writing to be?

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  9. iitzMickle
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    iitzMickle avatar
    9 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀
    Hi Neerja, I’m sorry to hear that the gratitude journal made you feel that way. Is it because you feel you have nothing to be grateful for? If that’s the case maybe your thinking too big. Maybe start with being grateful for the wind on your skin when you go outside or the sun on your face. Just really focus on how amazing it is that something so far away can produce so much warmth etc or how the grass and the trees and the ocean all work in ways that if we didn’t have scientific reasons behind it we would never know what forces make them do the things they do and just the simple fact that they exist. If it’s that you feel like you aren’t grateful for the things you already have it’s never too late to start. It’s amazing what practicing gratitude can do for you. I try to enjoy every bite of a meal thinking of all the work that went into it. Anything small and then focus on bigger things as time goes on. Hopefully this might help :)
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hello April and Neerja,

    You both are amazing. I wish I had the courage to get help back when I was your age (that's about 15-ish years ago). Like the two of you, I had suicidal thoughts and was depressed as a teenager, largely because my parents were overprotective and controlling. Cultural and generational differences played a big role in it. I spent my entire schooling years not having friends. Things that were normal among people my age (like hanging out with friends after school, talking on the telephone - yes we used landlines in those days!) were considered unnecessary for them. I was expected to go to school, study and come straight back home and do my homework. Repeat. Day after day. I felt so caged. I even ended up pretending to be anti-social and unfriendly just so that I did not have to explain to people that my parents didn't allow me to have friends. I was terrified my parents would find out about my mental health struggles so I never dared to see the school counsellor.

    Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me. I just wanted to let you guys know that I really admire the two of you speaking up here and hope the best for you. I don't know if this will help you, but the only thing that got me through those years was to set a goal for a future I could work towards, and then to actually work towards it. I guess I was living for the future than the present. In my case, my goal was financial independence, which I managed with a full time job after uni. The thought of achieving that one day helped me hang in there. As for my parents, the most important thing I learnt in my 20s was to empathise with them. To understand where they were coming from, why they behaved the way they did in terms of their own upbringing and cultural views. I learnt to forgive them because I now know they acted out of love, because they wanted to protect me in the only way they knew how. I cannot fault them for that, they had good intentions. And it was that upbringing that has made me the person I am today. Lastly, find something that helps you express yourself in a healthy way. For me, writing helped a lot. I wrote fiction and it allowed me to escape into different worlds. As I grew older, I wrote less but I got more involved with the performing and visual arts, all of which set me free in some way. I see you two aren't big fans of writing, but see what works for you and let that be your escape whenever you feel like things are too overwhelming.

    Take care :)

    - M

    3 people found this helpful
  11. ____
    ____ avatar
    68 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hey Neerja,

    I will admit I have done very little work since my last post. I have all the assignments due tomorrow and I'm having a lot of fun procrastinating.

    I have not solved things yet but I have found somewhere else to sit and I don't see her very much now.

    I'm surprised you like the elective system at my school. Most of the schools in my are get one elective in year 7, two in 8, 3 in 9 and 10 and then pick them all for 11 and 12. Reading your post, I am now extremely thankful that M.A.T. isn't a thing here. I can't imagine being able to practice self defense in front of others.

    Commerce is pretty easy as long as you try. A lot of the kids in my class just talk and never listen to the teacher. Needless to say, none of them are doing very well.

    People often talk to me and then they see their friends and run off as if I'm not there. Later on they'll act like it didn't happen until their friend shows up again and they're gone. I don't really have class friends. I often sit with one girl but she mostly talks to another girl who I don't particularly like as she often takes my stuff and just uses it without asking (I sound like a five year old who's annoyed because someone used her rubber, but it really frustrates me for some reason)

    My day was quite boring. I went home after second period because I felt quite sick so I've spent most of the day lying in bed trying (failing) to be productive. I just need to make it through tomorrow and next week and it will be the holidays.How are you?

    Sending good vibes

    Your friend

    April

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11065 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Dear April and Neerja~

    I'm writing to you together becuse you are both friends and have a fair bit in common - or so it seems to me. I'd like to help make your lives good enough you did not have such frequent suicidal thoughts and so the idea of your parent knowing becomes less important.

    I'm not sure what's the best way to start, so I'll try and limit what I say to one thing in this post. If you have suggestions sing out.

    Wearing a jacket to hide your body, or simply thinking you are not attractive due to weight is no way to be. I'm overweight (yes I tend to look a bit like my avatar -except for the teeth), but think little about it as the people around see the me inside.

    You two are not as fortunate, mainly becuse you are dealing mostly with people that have not grown up.

    I mentioned this before, but will explain it a bit further, you might have not realized everything they know about.

    It is not your BMI that is so important to start off with

    The Butterfly Foundation deals in those underweight true, but also anyone who feels their body size is a cause of self-dislike or distress. They are pretty flexible and experienced,

    You can read about things there , but I'd suggest when you get a little time free you ring them or web-chat and talk things over, it seems to work better than just reading.. It's not an instant fix - what is? - but can in time make you a whole lot happier and more confident. (They are good, other people know this, so expect to have to wait)

    I know very well this is just one thing that you think is wrong, but if you try one at a time it will be a start, maybe even something to hope for, whats the Chinese saying " The longest journey begins with a single step"

    Would you like to give it a go?

    They are at:

    General info on getting help::
    https://butterfly.org.au/get-support/helpline/

    Web-chat
    https://butterfly.org.au/get-support/chat-online/

    Email:
    support@butterfly.org.au

    Phone counseling:
    1800 33 4673

    They only exist to be of service to people like you, no other reason, and being in contact is no big thing.

    And no April you do not sound like a 5 year old, you sound like somebody who has an acquaintance who is consistently rude to you and is upset as a result. Frankly I would be to, even though I am older.

    I'm pleased Emmen dropped in, some of her troubles sound a bit familiar, plus she has got though them to better times, there is hope.

    Sumo Cat is awake and just blinked, I guess he is sending his regards

    Croix

    3 people found this helpful
  13. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to Guest_1643

    Hi Sleepy21,

    I am really sorry you felt the same way.

    I feel the same way, with people being my friend only for a certain purpose, then move on. It makes me feel so worthless and an idiot.

    I got my test results back, I am really disappointed with it. I got 68% for y10 measurement post-test. It makes me hate myself even more.

    I am really glad you have been doing a little better than before.

    How has today been?

    Sorry for the late reply.

    I really hope you feel better. Sending you strength and hugs.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

  14. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi TonyWK,

    Thank you for your kind words and support during this time. I really appreciate it.

    :)

    I love your Chooka Chook poem!

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

    1 person found this helpful
  15. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to iitzMickle

    Hi iitzMickle,

    I appreciate and grateful for the things I have, but I feel like I don't deserve them because I am such a trash idiot.

    But I will try.

    I hope you are doing well.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

  16. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to Emmen

    Hi Emmen,

    I am really really sorry you went through so much.

    My parents are so similar, they find hanging out with friends, having friends, going on holidays, going outside and other things so unnecessary. I feel caged too. My parents know about the thoughts and stuff from my school counsellor, but they think I am faking it for sympathy because 'I don't look like someone who will be 'sad' as they buy me things.' They think I am pretending and I don't have those thoughts. For my and my parents' relationship, cultural and generational differences play a big role in it too. They see things so differently than they are seen here and don't want to understand. Mental health is seen differently in my culture.

    I am really glad you gained financial independence when you were in university.

    Like your parents, I think my parents have good intentions too. But, sometimes they can be rude, unsupportive and not understanding.

    Wow, writing performing and visual arts! I bet you are extremely creative! That is amazing!

    I will try to find something that works for me. But, everything feels like an effort, there is no motivation.

    Thank you for your support. I hope you and your family are doing well.

    Take care :)

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

  17. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to ____

    Hi April,

    I am really sorry for the late reply.

    How did your assignments go? Does everything feel like an effort, like there is no point?

    I am really really glad that you have found somewhere else to sit, which is really good. :)

    The M.A.T. program was a struggle lol, but the teachers were pretty inspiring in terms of the way they explained life situations and ways to manage them.

    That is such a relief about commerce, business management is pretty similar.

    My "friends" are the same too. You do not sound like a five-year-old, it is really annoying. In year 7, I had trouble saying 'no' to people due to this everyone took advantage of me. They ruined my things, they took my stuff without asking and it kept on happening until I stopped trying to be 'liked' by people and spent time alone most of the time. I understand you, it is frustrating. Have you tried telling her, that she should ask? (sorry I know that is not helpful and not really something you would want to do)

    I am really sorry you felt sick and finding it hard to be productive.

    Today was the last day of school today, which I am glad. I found out that I got 68% for the dumb y10 measurement math test which was the one I was scared about, I am so disappointed with it. For remote learning, I got an award during the online assembly, guess what happened, during the in-school assembly today, everyone else who got the award during the online assembly, received awards and everything but someone else got my award. They changed it, to someone else. See, I don't deserve anything and I am this trash idiot. I guess I will always be that way.

    Luckily, today is the last day of school so I can take a break.

    How are you feeling today?

    Sending you strength, hope and hugs.

    Your friend, I am really glad you are my friend and thank you :)

    Neerja

  18. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    I don't know if things will ever get better and have less frequent thoughts.

    People see me as an idiot, from the inside and the outside.

    I have used the Webchat from the Butterfly Foundation before. I didn't find it really helpful. They told me to use KHL, that they were mainly for eating disorders and gave me information sheets. It felt like a rush too. I didn't feel like they understood me.

    I was glad to, hearing about Emmen and how much she learnt and she saw better times.

    How is Sumo Cat doing?

    I hope you and Sumo Cat are doing well.

    Warm wishes,
    Neerja

  19. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11065 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Dear Neerja - and April if listening~

    I'm glad Emmen struck a chord, she has had a hard time in her youth and has a different life now -plus I like her dove and olive branch avatar.

    With the butterfly foundation I've got sort of mixed feelings, I'm sorry you got that response, but on the other hand I'm glad you have the perseverance to try things, and according to what they write on their website it was a very reasonable thing to have a go with.

    I can speak from my own experience with the next thing I wanted to mention, and that is a safety plan using the BeyondNow app. I've found if careful thought has gone into filling it out then when my mind has been too full to even think or plan it is easy to reach for, literally a no-brainer, and helps bring me down to think of other things.

    It's free, goes on a smartphone and can be found here:

    hhttps://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

    Look, if I'm telling you what you already know then my apologies, however I'm going to talk about it for a minute anyway as it can be a bit subtle.

    It has all the various sections including emergency numbers which is much as you would expect. There is one area though you get to fill in in advance with things you have enjoyed, distracted you, given you some peace of mind or a sense of proportion.

    I've the addresses of YouTube clips of comedians, music of all sorts including Lois Armstrong (yes, I know, ancient), books, activities and more.

    That tends to work BUT trying to fill out that bit by myself was a disaster, I could not think of any of those sorts of things, but with the aid of someone that knew me very well got it to where it is today - effective.

    That's why I'm going on about it as I doubt you would realise how much difference that one section can make when you are really overwhelmed . If you find one particular thing not that effective, then change it for another as soon as you can.

    Sumo Cat, as usual expected doorman service first thing of a mooring to go out the front door, no doubt motivated by a call of nature. However normally he then sits on the top front step and surveys the world in a patch of early morning sun.

    Today cold -and no sun, it was not "the door into summer" he expects, so Sumo retired back to bed until meal time.

    He is now sitting beside me having a wash on his blanket.

    April. Do your two cats sit and binge-watch with you too? Sumo likes looking at the iPad Mrs C is using and sits on her lap to do so.

    Croix.

     

  20. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    27 June 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hi Neerja -

    Sorry you didn't get what you wanted for your test, it can be very upsetting. I hope you can find friends or activities that make you feel amazing, which you are. I know in high school it is very important to have good friends and, on the other side of that, it can hurt so so bad to have friends who don't seem to value what you can offer. Sometimes unfortunately people are only interested in social climbing and attention and don't value good friendships. Do you have any friends out of school?
    Have you got any online friends etc? I hope you feel better and I'm sorry it hurts to have your test results, it seems like it just added to feeling down. We all get bad results, I failed a uni assignment last year which I took really badly.

    Thanks for asking, I'm feeling a fair bit better. I have tried the butterfly foundation and had one good experience and one bad experience. Did you ever try?
    i hope you are feeling better and having some nice moments too x

  21. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    29 June 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    I tried using the Beyond Now app, but I didn't find it that helpful, there were many sections that I didn't know how to fill. The hardest one was "my reasons to live". I don't know, I know my reasons not to live but not the other way around.

    Lois Armstrong is a good choice and to be honest no one is ancient, lol.

    Sumo Cat sounds really cute, loyal and thinks about a lot of things! My neighbours' cat stands in front of our front door during the afternoons, she looks through our window, spends time in one spot; thinking and relaxing in the sun, fights with other cats but I have also seen her walk around with the other cats.

    Hope you and Sumo Cat are doing well,

    Neerja

  22. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    29 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hi April,

    How are you doing?

    Hope you are doing well

    Warm wishes,

    Your friend, Neerja

  23. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    29 June 2020 in reply to Guest_1643

    Hi Sleepy21,

    I don't have friends outside of school, because I stay home most of the time and my parents don't let me go to their parties and their home. I don't have social media too.

    I am feeling a bit better about the test results, kind of forgot about it lol.

    I am really sorry you took the results of your uni assignment badly.

    I am really glad that you are feeling a bit better and I think you are amazing and really supportive, you write sweet words to so many people here, which we all appreciate.

    I tried the Butterfly Foundation webchat, 3 times, I didn't find it that helpful.

    I hope you feel better; sending you hope, happiness and strength.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11065 posts
    29 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Dear Neerja~

    Sumo Cat and I are OK, and as usual in front of the wood fire, it is cold outside.

    Sorry about butterfly foundation, 3 times is enough. School break sounds better:)

    Look, the advantage of Beyondnow comes right when your brain has almost shut down to one course of action, killing yourself, and there is not much brain power left for anything else. You probably don't want to deal with a crisis line, any more than I might have at times.

    It is easy to reach for right there on your phone.

    I agree, there are a number of sections, come are no-brainers like who to contact, crisis lines etc, some are harder. Things I can do myself, and reasons to live are the two hardest. To be truthful I left reasons to live for a long time blank. Now I have several things including humor, they grew there over time

    Things to do myself is, as I mentioned hard. I could not think of anything that would give me a lift. Logic won't, only mood -at least for me. So it had to be things that made me in a better mood, even if only a little bit. That's why I had to have help, someone who could say "Do you remember when you ..."

    I think the first one my partner reminded me of was superb wrens hopping along the ground, and it went on to all sorts of things, digging an echidna out of the edge of the road so he would not get run over, with him resisting by scrabbling furiously to bury himself, on to comedies and lots more.

    PAOLO CONTE - It's wonnerful - Via con me is other ancient one:)

    It is not a complete fix and I'm not holding it up as such, it is just another thing I have that helps at times.

    Glad your test results are fading from view.

    Cat-fights are a worry, Sumo is not that good a fighter and came home one day with a scratch in the eye from the cat over the road. Fortunately thanks to the vet all healed perfectly.

    Croix

  25. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hi Neerja,

    That's the thing about mental health problems. We never "look" the way people expect us to. I remember being described as cheerful and bubbly in school - it was absolute rubbish because I was screaming for help on the inside all the time. That cheerful act was a mask that helped me get through society, I don't think anyone knew the real me during those days at all. Your parents may not believe you, but you are fortunate to have found this forum where everyone believes and wants to support you. And I really want to add that despite all you're going through, I am sincerely impressed at how mature you are and how you're reaching to April and supporting her as well. I am glad you and April have found each other here :)

    About parents, I honestly cannot say much except that it may not be easy for them to change their thinking if those ideas are so deeply and culturally ingrained. My parents were not from the country I grew up in and I guess their manner of parenting would have been normal in another country, but not in the place I grew up in. Mental health was pretty much a taboo subject in our culture (their culture? I don't even see myself as really being a part of that culture since I've never lived there!), so springing that upon them would have been hard for them to digest. I'm guessing it's similar for you? The good news is that I have had some success talking about mental health with them the past few years, but I also think part of my success here is because they see me as an adult now and actually listen to me.

    It's okay to feel like you have no motivation. Go easy on yourself. Sometimes all you need now is to watch TV. Now that the school holidays are here, what are your plans? I hope you have something relaxing planned for yourself.

    I want to respond to something you told Sleepy21: I feel the same way, with people being my friend only for a certain purpose, then move on. It makes me feel so worthless and an idiot. Not all friendships will be deep or lasting, and that these have nothing to do with you. It's just the way life is - you'll meet a whole bunch of transient people and then a rare few will pop up and they'll stick with you for many years. (All my real friendships were formed only in uni.) So don't get disheartened by this, your worth is not determined by the people who choose to or choose not to speak to you.

    - M

    2 people found this helpful
  26. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    I am really sorry you had to deal with crisis lines many times.

    I am really glad that your reasons to live increased overtime. I can tell you have a great sense of humour, especially with the three little pig jokes!

    The wren and echidna, sound like really beautiful experiences!

    I feel like for "things I can do myself" could be watching a comedy show or just watching tv. I think it is pretty relaxing and I don't really have to use much energy for that.

    I never heard of Paolo Conte and Via con me.

    That sounds really painful for your cat, but I am extremely glad he/she healed.

    My neighbour's cat loves to fight. She seems like a cat that likes to watch the day go by and quiet. But she is really energetic. Except when it is warm, as she sits on our backyard swing and swings there. When I was younger, she used to always hang out with this other cat, I think it was her sister. But one day, she wasn't around (her sister), it looked she was crying and sad. For weeks, during any weather, she stayed in one spot. So I used to sneak milk from my house and give it to her.

    How has today been for you?

    May your day be bright and joyful.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

  27. hello, hi, 😀
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    hello, hi, 😀 avatar
    537 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to Emmen

    Hi M,

    The forums have been really helpful for me. Its a place where I can safely take down the mask, and actually talk about how I feel and after 4 years I was able to do so. I am really grateful and appreciate that through this forum I have met people who are supportive and kind. Without this forum, I would have been bottling up more things.

    You are so right about how wearing a mask, helps with getting through society.

    Yeah, it's similar for me too. I haven't been to my parent's country many times but there, mental health is seen differently. Whenever my parents talk about me, it makes me feel so weak and stupid. I know I am, but they seem to add on.

    I am extremely glad that you had success in getting your voice heard and understood.

    During these holidays, I have been pretty much wasting time, watching tv and eating. I know, it sounds so lazy. But I am starting to read the next English novel for term 3. I am reading 12 Angry Men.

    I have been getting tired easily and been sleeping a lot, lol. I really have no motivation or energy to do much.

    It's hard because there is one point where you feel you have a friend and then they leave. Currently, my 'friend' hangs out with me and we are in the same class, but whenever someone from higher up the hierarchy lol, talks to her, she acts like she doesn't know me and starts following and copying them. There is other person, who talks to me and she is really kind however she has other friends and I don't want to be a barrier for her and her other friendships. In front of them, she acts like she hardly knows me too.

    How have you been going?

    May your day be bright and joyful.

    Warm wishes,

    Neerja

  28. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11065 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Dear Neerja~

    Please try to remember the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Anyone who does not consider your welfare properly is no real freind. Surprisingly there are real ones out there.

    Maybe you can get hold of the 1957 (not the earlier TV version) version of 12 Angry Men starring Henry Fonda (maybe your library may have the DVD). It will bring it to life for you even though old fashioned back and white, failing that the Jack Lemon version (1997) which is on colour.

    It is one of my favorite movies, the book can be subtle in places and sometimes the motivations of the characters not clear. The movies being them out. Then when you read the book you have the character and their strengths and weaknesses in your mind rather than just people arguing.

    Sadly I can only find clips on YouTube, not the full movie. Talking of YouTube:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUP_fex2RaA&list=RDlUP_fex2RaA&index=1

    Will give you Via con Me, (come away with me) though I think it is only special to me because my first wife liked it, I'd be most surprised if you thought it any good. You have your own special memories.

    Most of us wear masks, it smooths things for a while, no award questions, not being noticeable. I, like many, did this for a long time. Still do a bit. It was not all good. As time went on I felt more distant from people, becuse I knew they did not understand me, and if I had to wear a mask to hide me that implied what was inside was bad - which was untrue, though it became harder and harder to convince myself of that.

    So the fact you trust enough to take it off here is a great thing, good for you, good for us.

    OK, I'll give you another 3 little pig joke, last one but fair warning -it is in bad taste! (I'll not let Sumo read it)

    Croix

  29. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    2 July 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hello Neerja,

    I'm glad you feel so positively about the forums. It's always good to have a space where you can freely share your thoughts without judgement :)

    Neerja, you are most definitely not weak and stupid. Not at all. It's easy to internalise these negative things that we hear being said about ourselves, but reality is that for all our weaknesses, we have equal strengths. Having the will to want to recover, coming to this forum and sharing your story, lending support to other members going through difficult times...these are not things weak people do. You show great emotional maturity and you're clearly an intelligent person who knows what her options are. Sure, we may feel weak at times. But your situation, on anyone, will take an emotional toll. Unfortunately, our mental health is very much linked to our physical bodies. So feeling depressed will lead you to feel tired and unmotivated (i.e. weak).

    I love your lazy plan! After all that time in school, you certainly deserve these lazy days. I've been lazing a lot these days - I feel like sleeping all day, especially when it's cold, the only inviting thing seems to be my bed! Either that, or I'm watching Netflix all wrapped up in a nice, thick blanket!

    Wow, 12 Angry Men! I've not read that book and I've been wondering what book I should read next...seems like something I should look into! Croix's suggestion of watching the movie is interesting - you could do that too if you start getting bored with the book.

    About that friend, do you suppose it's linked to her own feelings of inadequacy? Perhaps she craves acceptance too. When someone higher in the hierarchy talks to her, she could feel important in a way she doesn't usually feel. I'm not saying it's right or that she's being fair to you, but all people have their problems. And sometimes, we just have to accept that this is the way people are. As for the other friend, it's possible she may think her different friends won't get along with each other for whatever reason (maybe she feels like she is herself being a different person in front of them than she is with you?). I don't think you're being a barrier against her other friendships. If she chooses to spend time with you, it's because she values your friendship.

    Cheers,
    M

  30. ____
    ____ avatar
    68 posts
    2 July 2020 in reply to hello, hi, 😀

    Hi Neerja

    I am so sorry for not having replied. My laptop's power button broke and I was unable to turn it on. A lot has happened since then. I've finally left my group and found a group to sit with. I'm friends with some of them, and the other ones don't seem to mind I'm there. Unfortunately, the teacher I had for sport has stopped doing it, and I won't have him as a teacher at all now.

    I finish school tomorrow which I am very much looking forward to. Do you know what you're going to do with your holidays? I have no idea what to do with all the time. I like to pretend I am going to be productive and do something like actually using my skateboard or painting but in reality I just mess around and watch tv which isn't all bad.

    The girl who takes my stuff is one of those people who will ask if they can borrow a pen, and when you say yes, they use your whole pencilcase. It's something I can put up with, but it just can be annoying sometimes.

    It is absolutely awful that they changed the award. I am shocked that they're even allowed to do that. You can have a virtual award of 'a very kind person who is very supportive and absolutely definitely not trash'

    I am very sorry for disappearing for over a week. I hope you have been well.

    Your friend

    April

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up