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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / in the middle of an argument with friends

Topic: in the middle of an argument with friends

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. izzy12345
    izzy12345 avatar
    1 posts
    28 November 2021

    i’ve never really posted on anything like this before so here goes nothing.

    basically all year i’ve been in this friendship group of four girls. within the group, i am best friends with this one girl, we’ll call her stacy. and im very close with the two other girls in the group as well, we’ll call them amy and emma.

    all year stacy has felt really excluded from our group, because she felt as though i was closer to amy and emma than she was. because of this, she’s felt really insecure with herself and therefore been really possessive of me and would always get angry with me if i would take photos with them/ message them which would always make me upset but i wouldn’t say anything because i’m too scared to upset stacy.

    i’ve managed to juggle all this all year just fine, but just recently amy and stacy had a massive argument that started over something very small and escalated into them calling eachother names and saying they have always hated eachother and now my friend group has fallen apart and it’s really upsetting for me because i like all of them and want to be friends with them all.

    and now stacy is not letting me talk to amy or emma because stacy feels attacked by them and feels that it i were friends with them it’s like an act of betrayal. but the thing is i really really love amy and emma they’re really good friends of mine and the idea that i could lose them forever is making me so anxious and sick. but if i stay friends with them, i’m going to lose stacy. this situation i have found myself in it’s just too much for me, i feel like it’s a lose lose situation.

    i’ve been feeling sick to my stomach all day thinking to the point where i can’t eat and i’m constantly on the verge of tears, i jsut don’t know what to do.

    i realise the obvious solution is to just tell stacy that i still like and want to be friends with amy and emma, but i have mentioned it that verify yesterday and she got really upset with me saying that i shouldn’t even want to be friends with them considering how they made stacy feel, and if i’m stacy’s best friend i should always stick up for her.

    the other thing is i’m really afraid to upset stacy because she’s told me before that she’s tried to commit suicide and i’m scared to do or say anything that’ll contribute to that feeling she has.

    i just am so lost in what to do and i feel so sick thinking about it, i just wish everyone could be friends with everyone and no one would ever fight.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6151 posts
    28 November 2021 in reply to izzy12345
    Dear izzy12345, 

    Welcome to our forums, and thank you for your post. We can hear that you're in a really difficult situation, and how much this is all weighing on you. 

    If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

    Given that you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, you might want to read our article on "Anxiety management strategies" -
    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies. This may help you to feel a bit better, as you've mentioned feeling scared, anxious and sick.

    The fact that your friend has tried to suicide in the past definitely adds a layer of complexity to the situation. Would it be appropriate to inform one of Stacy's parents if you're concerned about her wellbeing so that they can keep an eye on her? That might take some of the pressure off you. 

    Please continue to post on the forums as you see fit. We are always around to listen. 
  3. Positive_vibes89
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Positive_vibes89  avatar
    125 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to izzy12345

    Dear izzy12345,

    Im saddened to hear about all your friends fighting. Its hard to be caught in the middle. What if you hold a mediation session between amy and stacy. Mediation is a process where you can assist stacy and amy in resolving conflict through communication and negotiation techniques. Allow the girls to individually express both sides of their arguments one at a time without interruption and nastiness from the other. Get the best understanding of the situation as possible. Then try to have a healthy discussion about the issues between both of the girls . Then look at some ways together that can be resolutions to the issue. There is some good information about the process of mediation on google, it could be a good idea to have a read up. You might have to be the person to assist in helping the girls fix this situation so you all can be friends again. As for stacy's history of suicide attempt, I go agree that you have a talk to her parents and tell them what has happened. They can keep a watch on her. Tell stacy that you are her good friend and care about her. Suggest a mediation session because you want to support her and your other friend both at the same time in sorting out the issues they are having. You can all learn from this to become better friends and even better at supporting eachother.

    Hope this helps.

  4. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    278 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to izzy12345

    Hi izzy12345,

    I remember these sorts of situations all too well from school...My friendship groups fought sometimes and I was always in the middle because I tried to stay drama-free and support everyone, much like you are.

    It is difficult, especially with Stacy having suicidal tendencies. As Sophie_M suggested, could you talk to her parents about it? No matter what she says, suicide is serious and you might want to tell someone (a parent, teacher etc.) about it.

    I would go with your gut on this one...Or try and talk to your friends to find some sort of resolution in the hopes you can all get along again - has Stacy asked why she has been excluded? Is there a good reason? You are allowed to have different friends, Stacy cannot force you to be friends with only her, that is not okay. You are your own person and can choose who you want to hang out with, it is important she knows this too (tell her in a nice way).

    I am sorry this is happening but I hope you can all come to a resolution. Deep breaths.

    Jaz.

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