Hi

My standard answer to my friend is "It's all good", she doesn't believe it. Honestly it is far from all good :(

when i open up to her, i feel like a burden and the guilt is intolerable. I live rurally and mental health support is pretty much non existent.

The last couple weeks the suicidal thoughts never seem to leave - i go to bed thinking about it, wake up through the night with same thoughts - i am so tired, but i am too much of a coward to see it through - i am a single mum to a 17yo daughter and i fear what it would do to her BUT i can't see a light anymore..

i know my thinking is more not that i want to die BUT i dont want to live - i don't want to hurt anymore.

i have been struggling for 18months and have worn everyone down - they think because i am eating and medicated i should be fixed. And so i have this facade that is worn but its such hard work - this week it has cracked and i havent been able to go to work...

How will it get better.. my friend tells me nothing changes if nothing changes....

Thanks for listening

Hey Mishymorton,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

We're so sorry to hear you've been experiencing suicidal thoughts. We can hear how tired and overwhelmed you feel. If you feel that it would be beneficial to you to talk through your feelings and experiences with a counsellor, please, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

In particularly overwhelming moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

Hi Mishymorton,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you are feeling this way….

Im sorry that you feel mental health support in a rural place is difficult….

Sophie M has given you some great contacts maybe you could give one a call and have a chat….

I understand the dark thoughts, I had severe anxiety OCD I learned that these thoughts accompanied anxiety and depression……

Remember you are not your thoughts but the watcher of your thoughts….

I have now recovered from OCD after receiving professional help….. I was put on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety and I saw a psychologist, psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD and I did a 8 week group therapy for OCD…

I have now recovered 4 years going strong….. my dark thoughts have lifted….. and they can for you too…

Please believe me when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel.. there is always Hope….. I’m living proof of that…

Is there a gp in your area that you can see?

We are all here as a community to listen to you and support you….

Your not alone

Here to chat