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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Lost and overwhelmed with conflicting emotions

Topic: Lost and overwhelmed with conflicting emotions

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. moonandstars
    moonandstars  avatar
    8 posts
    6 September 2021

    Hi,

    I feel like I need some advice with a whole range of emotions I have been feeling for the better part of a year and a half. For some background, I have been diagnosed with GAD, SAD and major depression, however, these symptoms and emotions I’m feeling feel so strong and different to ones I’ve felt before. I am so lost with who I am.

    I don’t know who I am anymore. I have moulded myself into someone who is different with every person I’m with and I don’t know who I am when I’m alone. When I am alone, I’m a mess. I’m anxious, irritable, empty, bored and become angry and frustrated for no particular reason and as such, create problems that don’t exist and take my anger out on my loved ones. I lash our for no reason and say nasty things to people and within 1 hour I regret and have no idea why I’ve been so awful. I’m impulsive and buy things I don’t need, I cut my hair, I drink excessive amounts of alcohol and get ear piercings and tattoos. I can be suicidal and self harm and the next day don’t understand why. I feel ugly, worthless, empty and hate everything about myself.

    On the flip side, I’m ecstatic. I love myself, almost narcissistic. I think I’m amazing, beautiful and like I am better than everyone else. I’m on top of the world. Sometimes, I feel like there is no in between these emotions. They fluctuate so much and it’s exhausting. I still experience anxiety and panic attacks and they have evolved into hurting myself in order to try and manage them. I feel derealisation and detached from my body and the anger later ensues.

    I have lost complete control over regulating my emotions and it’s now impacting on my family and relationships. I’ve tried to get help but every psychologist I’ve contacted is not accepting new patients. I’m not a danger to anyone, I just cannot control how I feel or manage those intense emotions.

    Does anyone else experience these extreme mood swings while spending the “down time,” empty and angry? How do you deal with it when you don’t have professional help?

    I appreciate any advice.

    Thank you.

    P.S. I have seen doctors and psychologists in the past, as well as a psychiatric doctor in hospital but only for GAD and depression, not these symptoms.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6652 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to moonandstars
    Hi moonandstars,
     
    Thank you for reaching out tonight and sharing with us how things have evolved and changed for you over the past year and a half. It sounds like you are in a whirlwind of things now and don’t know where to turn to at the moment.
     
    You’ve mentioned speaking to doctors, psychologists and a psychiatric doctor in the past for previous symptoms. Are you still in contact with any of your previous treatment team at the moment? Have you been able to speak to them about these recent changes at all? Or is there a GP that you comfortable are speaking with in regards to these changes?
     
    Otherwise, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
     
    In addition, in overwhelming moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). Or if you feel like you may act on your thoughts of self-harm, you can present to your nearest emergency department or contact 000.
     
    We hope you find the support you are looking for here, and that you keep us update as to how things are going for you.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    277 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to moonandstars

    Hey,

    I am really sorry that you are dealing with all these emotions. it must be extremely annoying.

    The beyond blue forums are always here to support you so thank you for ranting. You are not ugly or worthless. You sound beautiful inside and out.

    I sometimes deal with extreme emotions that I regret after a while. It is okay and normal. Don't put yourself down. You are an amazing person.

    There is a beyond blue phone support service 1300 22 4636 or even an online chat www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  that you can use if you ever feel like speaking to someone in the moment.

    I hope you are doing well. Stay safe.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. moonandstars
    moonandstars  avatar
    8 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to Sophia16

    Thank you for your response.

    I will check out these resources.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2019 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to moonandstars

    Hi moonandstars,

    Sorry you have been feeling this way.

    Have you thought about going to your gp and discussing these symptoms with your gp? Let your gp know that you really need to see a psychologist to help you to manage these symptoms …… You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist….. maybe your gp could recommend one who is available or refer you to a psychologist who is available….

    Here to chat

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