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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Not in a good space

Topic: Not in a good space

  1. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    I'll tell you what I do Katy - I watch the utube video of Dire Straits playing Walk of Life - the one with the sports photos in it - and it makes me feel good every time.. or a bit of Monty Python, especially the biggus dickus scene - I challenge anyone to watch either of these and not feel a bit better at least for a little while...

    I'm going to watch Insiders... you take care I'll pop back later... xoxoxo

  2. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    The video with Mark Knopfler wearing the orange headband.. the sports pics are hilarious - but you gotta like Dire Straits... it's so joyous..

    I hope you're OK there. xoxo

  3. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy, I hope you made it to Uni today and that you are OK. My laptop is playing up a bit so I'll keep this short but let us know how you are. Fluffiest of hugs from Mr Sam take care xoxoxoxo
  4. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    899 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Just sending you a big warm comforting hug lass xx

    Paws

  5. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Katy, I hope you are OK. I've popped in to check and you're still not there. Sending hugs from little Sam xoxo
  6. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    16 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy, we haven't heard anything from you, I hope you are OK. xoxoxoxo
  7. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    19 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    I don't know if you will reply, I hope all is OK, did you get to Uni last week... anyway sending warmest wishes, pats to Storm xoxo

  8. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    20 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy, I hope sometime you'll let us know how you are going. Fluffy hugs from little Sam xoxo
  9. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello

    Nice of you to pop in and check up on me. I've been a bit unwell. Got a UTI, then a migraine. My uni friend says it's probably due to being stressed and run down. I had my assessment meeting yesterday, where I got graded in different areas of my work. It was a real mish mash. I'm doing well in some areas, but not passing in many too. I guess I just stick with it and see what happens. The result wasn't unexpected. My anxiety is eating me alive most days.

    In better news, we've been given today off. I'm not sure what I'll do with it. The sun is shining and it's already looking like a gorgeous day, so at the very least Stormy and I will get out for a nice walk. We may even try the beach.

    I've been popping in on your thread. Even when I don't feel like talking, I like to pop in and see how you're going. It sounds like you have a few nice things going on, and I'm happy for you. A guitar sounds interesting! Have you played any instruments before? I've always been interested in having a go at playing the flute, but I've never done anything about it. Good on you.

    Take care. Lovely to see you here. Katy xo

  10. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    Good to hear from you!!! I can only pop by for a minute as I have to go to an appointment shortly but glad to hear you are going to have a nice day off today, enjoy. Uni - just keep plodding on, you're passing some and the others will they let you make them up next year maybe? Don't worry about it now anyway, you're passing some things fine so that's good considering the anxiety issues etc etc. Pats on the back for doing as much as you have!!!

    I used to play folk harp and also drums so I think or hope that will help with guitar! I did play guitar a bit as a young thing, then got too busy with other stuff...typical teenager!

    I hope you have a great day today - I've been sick yesterday so am going to have a rest now before going to appointment. You take care, you're doing well! xoxoxoxo

  11. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy, how was your day today? Did you go to the beach with Stormy? I hope you found something nice to do to take your mind off Uni stuff...

    It's turned very cold here with possible snow forecast later in the week, it's such wierd weather!

    I'm watching the DVD Withnail and I - have you ever seen it? It's a hoot - had a cult following long ago...

    Sending fluffy hugs to you and Storm from little Sam xoxoxo

  12. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    899 posts
    10 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    I hope you enjoyed the visit from your son.

    It's good to hear you have a friend at uni to talk to. Did you take a pot plant in for your desk?

    With all of the cold fronts the weather maps have shown crossing WA I've been imagining you moving your pot plants inside & back out. I suspect you are building up your muscles by now.

    Take care

    Hugs

    Paws

  13. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    12 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    Just wondering if you are coming back? I hope you are OK. Let us know if you are around.. fluffy hugs from Sam xoxo

  14. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    12 October 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello

    I'm still around. Just trying to get through to the finish line of prac. I'm tired, tired, tired and sick of the stress.

    It was lovely to see my son though, and the weather was nice enough for a walk on the beach while he was here. He bought me a book about Wim Hof. Have you heard of him? I hadn't. But he's big on mind over matter, and I guess my boy thought it might help.

    Fast approaching the one year anniversary I won't be celebrating. Can't believe it's been nearly a year. Doesn't feel like it. Time flies whether you're having fun or not... Any advice in advance of how to make that easier when it arrives will be appreciated.

    Much huggles to you both. Boy I could go a hug. Katy

  15. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    Nice to see you back. I haven't heard of that name at all but i'm glad you had a nice time with your son...

    I'm not sure about the anniversary, can you get flowers or light a candle... do something that is meaningful for you and that doesn't make you feel worse but that remembers your little one in a good, beautiful way...

    Be gentle with yourself, which is what I am trying hard to do today too... soft hugs from little Sam to you and Stormy oxoxo

  16. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Well it's the one year anniversary of my little one leaving me, and what a glorious day it is!! The sky is blue, the sunshine warm, and a nice gentle breeze. I imagine my little spirit girl is dancing amongst the blossoms of the tree in my back yard.

    <3 <3 <3

  17. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    899 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    The image of her dancing in the blossoms is so lovely.

    Gentlest of hugs lass.

    Paws

  18. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    That sounds a lovely way to think of your girl Katy... hugs
  19. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    I hope you got through that day OK, it sounds like at least it was a lovely day with the weather for you... Have you decided what to do about your Honours course?

    Paws is worried about her beloved Woofa and I am deluged with paperwork for Housing, but do come by and comment when you can manage it around your Uni, we don't hear much from you these days. Take care, oxox

  20. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello

    I got through yesterday ok, but apparently all I want to do today is cry. So I haven't gone to uni. MIght even go hop back into bed. I'll come check in when I'm feeling better xo

  21. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    899 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Oh lass I wish I could give you a shoulder to cry on in r/l. Let the tears flow lass & if bed feels the best place to be then snuggle down with your lovely Stormy & spend as long as you need there. Grief & loss don't have rules.

    Let the hurt out... then think about how she would like you to remember her... the love you have for her... that will never go away... let her dancing spirit see you smile when you think of her...

    Hugs from me & snuzzles from Woofa

    Paws

  22. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy, aw that's no good girl. Have a day in bed if you need. Sam sends warm fluffy soft hugs and cuddles oxoxox
  23. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    I got sad

    Then I got mad

    Oh dear. I think it might be time to pop a pill, or call for some help. I'm losing it

  24. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    3421 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy,

    We're so sorry to hear it's been such an exhausting and emotional time. It sounds like you've had a lot to cope with. Please don't hesitate to call for some help in whichever form you find most helpful. Remember our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) if you need them.

    We hope the warm messages from your friends in the community are of some comfort. We hope you can find some peace and some rest tonight.
     
  25. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy, I hope you phoned someone...

    I'm only here for a minute... I know you feel terrible, but you will get through this. you will. You have been in this place before, you know you do get out of it again, just get through and hang on until it eases. I know it's horrible. Sometimes all you can do is just hang on for dear life girl. So you hang on. One tiny bit at a time you will get through this again. OK? I will come by tomorrow. Meantime I hope you phone someone and talk to someone. Hang on to Stormy! The awful horrible stuff will ease..it will! Fluffiest hugs from us here oxoxox

  26. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    785 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    You're right. It all felt the same. I felt the sadness roll on in, and then all the gross thoughts. I drove to my ex's house and trashed his balcony. Just threw all his potted plants off - even the heavy pots, with my herculean anger, and then his furniture. He waited patiently (or shocked, perhaps) until I was done, and then started tidying up. I drove home, but I felt unsafe with myself, so I rang the BB helpline. My first time ringing them, and the lady was very nice.

    Today, I'm tired, sore, and sad. I have to go to uni as I'm struggling to make hours by the end date. All I want to do is curl up in bed with a blanket over my head and just hide. Yesterday was an absolute mess. But I got through I guess. I liked your message too, thankyou. Just hang on. I did and I'm still here...

  27. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    1781 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    Well, goodness, I hope you feel better now! Anger is better than depression anyway. I hope your ex is OK about the plants and furniture...

    Glad you got it off your chest and I hope you made Uni OK. Sounds like you had quite a wild ride yesterday, probably letting the anger out was a very healthy thing to do. Now keep going - the best way to remember your little girl is to live the best life you can - her memory lives on while you do, OK? Hugs.

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