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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Not in a good space

Topic: Not in a good space

  1. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    So.. If I have this right, the prac people are OK with how you're going but the university academic people are less pleased? Are they still considering what they will decide?

    If they say no, you would have significant credit towards another course with what you've already passed at a high level.

    Don't discount the value of what you've done. What about another degree or qualification?

    A huge amount of credit would be allocated to you.

    Maybe talk to an academic counsellor/adviser?

    All is not lost. I'd try to find another way if you have to. You know you have the ability and life experience to be a valuable person in the right job!

    Hang in there 👍💖

  2. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    You will find a role that is right for you. Maybe in one way this can become an important part of finding what that will be?

    It's a bummer and seeing someone else offered a job makes you feel rotten, I get that for sure!

    But who knows what the future holds? Maybe you can find a way to turn this into an opportunity even though it wasn't what you wanted.

    Meantime it's perfectly understandable to feel utterly lousy.

    I'd try an academic advisor.

    You go girl! 🙂

  3. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    What sort of roles do you think would suit you Katy, given the anxiety has to be taken into account? You also have considerable life experiences and academic skills to bring to whatever role you choose.

    Give yourself time to feel lousy and then let's see how you can turn this into a positive.

    You know we have faith in you. 🧚‍♂️🐳🦜

  4. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    15 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Thanks for your kind words Grandy. You’re right, it’s not good comparing. I can only be me so I just have to be content with that, and with doing my best. Hugs to you x

    Hanna, it was suggested I switch over to a bachelor of social science. It’s only 3 years (my degree is four), and has less of a prac requirement. I’ve already done more hours than they require, so would probably be transferable. I declined at the time but it’s still an option if they don’t pass me. I have my progress meeting on the 1st October so will see what they say.

    As for what type of role would be suitable- the biggest challenge is flexibility. How many roles are there were you can just go in on the days where anxiety isn’t eating you alive? Or go home when it is? I don’t know of any. If there were - I’d like a role that’s task oriented. Small talk trips me up. Well actually, most talking does, but I could probably get through it if it’s not the central focus.

    Funny - my supervisor last year advised me to go have a chat with the professor about what roles I could do in the field, given my anxiety. But because it involved having a conversation, I was too anxious to do it lol

    I do wish I could find somewhere I fit. I never feel like I fit anywhere.

  5. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    16 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    A Bachelor of social science sounds like a real option for you.

    There was a new post here the other day where the person was describing their absolutely debilitating anxiety and it made me realise just what you and my music friend go through.

    The tenancy advocate here who helped me found that work which was mostly done by phone/computer was what suited her best.

    I wonder how much the people you'd be working with will make a difference to you too. G could barely speak when I started with him and now I can hardly shut him up!

    So feeling secure and not criticized is another factor I guess.

    Any thoughts on what you think you can manage? Would part time work be more manageable?

    Are you better with men or women or young people or older people?

    People with mental health issues?

    Lots of things to think about!

    You'll get there. 🐕🧚‍♂️🐦

  6. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    16 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello

    Yes, there’s different levels of anxiety, and different triggering events for people, but mine is really debilitating. It sounds like your friend’s is too. But, likewise, once I’m comfortable with someone I’m fine (mostly!).

    If i read the same post on here as you, the poster was uncomfortable talking over the phone. Me too. Complicates matters further. And then there’s the fact that sometimes I can manage things, and other times I can’t!

    But you’ve hit the nail on the head - a safe, non- judgemental space makes a heck of a difference. My work (prac) team are very accommodating, so if I cry, don’t come in, leave, step out for five, or plain say “I can’t do that” - they just accept it. But also, they’re not paying me. So there’s a difference.

    Well, I have a new uni supervisor to meet tomorrow. I’m hopeful it will go ok. Do stay safe over there, won’t you x

  7. Sleepy21
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    16 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi lovely, I feel for u, and can see how hard it is to have to explain and find space for urself in the University. How are you feeling today? Sounds very stressful. I was wandering if any of the supervisors or heads have been okay? I had a lot of bullying when I was at uni. It hurt and made the whole thing terrifying. Hugs from me x
  8. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    17 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    I just wrote you a long reply and gremlins ate it.

    Good luck with the supervisor let us know how you go 💕👍

  9. Paw Prints
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    17 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    I hope your meeting went well lass...

    I've been trying to think of some ideas for (paying) roles you might be comfortable with... I wonder if you might consider doing research in your field... that could be something that you could work around your needs... another thought is working on designing/evaluating mh systems for companies/charities/homes etc...a lot of them outsource these things... another option is getting assistance to find work that is flexible enough for you to cope with... my niece has health + mh issues & she had help from a charity group to find paid work that suited her needs in the field she got her degree in... perhaps speaking to some of your local charities they may be able to help you find something... I'm sure there are other options out there lass... let worrying about work options for when you are ready to start looking (I know easier said than done)... you have more than enough on your plate as is...

    Big hugs

    Paws

  10. JackFrost
    JackFrost avatar
    18 posts
    17 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    THIS IS EXACTLY ME RIGHT NOW!

    Had a 'quick chat' with my supervisor (via zoom, urgh) who is upset about one aspect of my role not meeting expectations. Naturally, I completely broke down during the meeting and thereafter. My ADHD has a very strong RSD component (rejection sensitive dysphoria), which means even the slightest problem gets blown out of proportion. So this was basically the end of the world (in my head).

    Thankfully, I am aware of this element of my brain and am currently researching ways to move passed the intrusive thoughts.But, alas, I needed to come here first because it got very dark very quickly. There is a lot to live for, but the thoughts have their own agenda and it is really hard to dismiss them at time like this. So I'm here and finding this specific post, is rather serendipidous.

    I know it was a while ago, but just know that your little post has done me a world of wonders today. Thanks Katy.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    17 September 2021
    Today did not go well. I cried during supervision. I cried some more. I packed my stuff up and said I think I should just quit now. She told me to stay. I did. But I just feel like there’s too many hoops and I can’t keep jumping. Next week a nice big meeting to give me more hoops. The meeting itself is a massive hoop, in the sky, on fire. I come home and wish I was dead.
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Sophie_M
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    5926 posts
    17 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katyonthehamsterwheel,

    We are sorry to hear that today was so difficult and that you feel there are so many hoops at the moment. It really does sound like it was such an overwhelming and stressful supervision session. Please know that we are always here for you, and support is available. 

    If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
  13. Sleepy21
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    17 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy it sounds like u just wanted to get out of there and it was all just too much. I'm so sorry it was awful and sometimes wephen we get home it all hits us. Please take care fo your self, gentle girl, it sounds like a hard time, but that's not you...sending hugs
  14. blondguy
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    blondguy avatar
    11219 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hey Katy

    That would have been horrible for you...If you want to talk I am more than willing to help

    Your well being is paramount.....all other considerations are secondary

    Bearhug (if thats okay).............Paul

  15. Paw Prints
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    1648 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Oh lass... I'm so sorry the meeting left you feeling so bad... I'm here if you want to chat...

    Build yourself a pillow fort & retreat there with a cuppa & your furs for the rest of today & if it feels right spend the night there... whatever will help you settle your frayed nerves...

    Sending you a big comforting hug

    Paws

  16. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    Was this the meeting or at prac? Is the big meeting with something like an academic standards committee or your department head? Sorry I'm just not clear.

    Whatever, it's clearly overwhelming you at the moment.

    Take some time out for you. Pamper yourself, stay in bed or take Stormy to the beach, whatever. You need to recover a bit before you do or think about anything else.

    We're all here if/when you want to talk about it.

    You will get through this.

    Hugs from me and little Sam 🐥🐳🐚🐕🧚‍♂️🍧🍰🏖️🎠🌄🌉🛶

  17. JackFrost
    JackFrost avatar
    18 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    So i think we need to do some exercises together... I am sitting here staring at my work trying to get it done before another big meeting on monday. So katy, we're in the same boat, that's in the sky, that's on fire, and we're expected to learn how to row the boat, using teaspoons and a lamp. :)

    At the moment, we're both focusing on the supervision part of it. But i didnt get into the job (academia) with the intention of having great times in supervisory meetings... its the work i do. I want to do the work that i do. Both of us were hired ased on our skills, experience, and something that our supervisor saw in us that they liked. So for today, JUST TODAY (because I cant look too far into the future without freaking out), we focus on why we're doing these jobs. The people we help. And the way to help people is do our job. When we get stuck we ask for assistance. Then we learn. Then we do it a bit better the next day.

    So today, I am going to write my results section. I will stop to put some things together for the house because we just moved and the boxed up furniture is annoying me. Then I will enjoy some of the weather and think about what I would like to achieve in this role. Because i really do want to achieve lots, i just dont give myself any credit. like none. But like i said, someone saw potential and skill. So i need to learn to see it as well.

    I will keep this thread open all day. So feel free to reply and we'll make it through.

    J xo

  18. JackFrost
    JackFrost avatar
    18 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to JackFrost
    It was a decent day. But waking up this morning felt like o had to start again... However, I came back on here and re read everyone's notes, including my own, and I felt like I was able to get started with my day a lot faster. And I guess that's the point, practice little things and eventually those little things become part of bigger things. 😊
    2 people found this helpful
  19. Mk2692
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mk2692 avatar
    97 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to JackFrost

    Hey Jack,

    That's great that you were able to acknowledge how you were feeling and that you found a way to overcome it differently. I'm glad that you are finding posts quite useful and that they helped you to gain that motivation to start your day on a better note. I believe setting the tone at the start of the day can affect how productive you are during the day. I personally like to go for a walk or exercise in the morning which allows me to feel more positive throughout the day and helps me accomplish more tasks. I agree with you that maybe practicing some small beneficial habits everyday can eventually lead you to affecting bigger parts of your life.

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1565 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to JackFrost

    Hi everyone

    JackFrost lovely to see your posts here. Sorry to have not responded. I’m down with a migraine (not surprised after all the stress). But I’m glad to see you’re finding it helpful to be here.

    I’ll pop back when my head’s better x

    1 person found this helpful
  21. JackFrost
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    18 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    I know social media is full of crap, but sometimes there's helpful tidbits...

    I saw this one thing on Tiktok, that if you lie flat, on a hard surface (floor), and only bring your head up, then back down and repeat that a few times, it is highly beneficial to migraines. You're the clinician so you'd know if that would actually work or not haha, but thought i'd suggest it.

  22. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1565 posts
    23 September 2021

    One month to jump all the hoops or the show is over.

    I think I need to stick a big note up somewhere to remind me it will all be ok even if it’s not ok.

  23. Paw Prints
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    1648 posts
    23 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Lass remember when you were tossing up whether to do your honours... remember how we talked about how you could think of it as being you had already made & decorated a cake... doing honours was just like putting a cherry on top... the cake was still nice with or without the cherry...

    I believe you can do this... but it is ok if you can't... I know you will be doing the best you can... no one can ever be expected to do more than that...

    Sending you a big supportive hug

    Paws

  24. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    You still get your degree if you don't complete the Hons don't you? It's not the end of the world if you don't get Hons. I couldn't do Hons because I had to break to have major surgery plus I wanted to pull up a second qualification in another are (Bioethics, which is why I sometimes get impatient with comments about the virus!)

    I did a graduate diploma which academically carried as much or more weight than an Honours as mine too two years and gave me a full degree in a second subject.

    So there are always options!

    Cheers and good luck

  25. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    24 September 2021

    Hiya

    Its not the honours that’s the problem. Prac is the problem. If I don’t pass prac I don’t get my degree - so a possible cherry and no cake! Wonder if that ever happens. Surely I couldn’t be the first. It seems ridiculous. Will be one expensive cherry!

    And yes, I am doing my best. Thanks for the support, both of you xx

  26. Hanna3
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    3215 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy, if you can't make the prac then you credit towards social science maybe?

    You can only do your best which I'm sure you are doing!

    If you truly find you can't manage the prac there'll be another avenue you can try.

    Just chug on as best you can. It will all work out somehow.

    We have your back here!

    🙂👍💗🎶🐕

  27. JackFrost
    JackFrost avatar
    18 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    You peple are awesome. It's just good to see such positive feedback plus evolving ideas to help.

    Katy, I supervise honours students. I know you will have your own supervisors, but I found having one supervisor (or mentor) who is outside of your academic circle, helps to see the bigger picture. Mine ended up becoming a life long friend because we would just chat about coffee, science, history and anything that wasn't work related. It turned out, he needed that outlet just as much as I did. Even yesterday, we were sending pictures of our food to each other haha... it's because we both think we're good cooks.

    So I dont know the community guidelines for BeyondBLiue, but it sounds like Hanna would be a great external mentor or supervisory-type person to have a chat to. I happily offer my services as well, as I always feel much better if I can help out others. So it would be doing me a favour as well (totally selfish).

    :)

  28. Paw Prints
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    1648 posts
    29 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    How are you lass?... I hope you are being kind to yourself... lots of self care & finding time to do fun things like roller skating (if the weather allows) or snuggling in bed with a cuppa reading a book or teaching Stormy something new.

    Woofa sends you friendly snuffles..

    Hugs from me

    Paws

  29. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1565 posts
    30 September 2021

    Thanks, everyone

    I got a medical certificate and am taking a week off. I see my psychologist Tuesday, and will go back to prac if I can manage it, on Wednesday. Everything just got too overwhelming.

    JackFrost, you’re right, this is an amazing community. And although BB isn’t set up for one-on-one communication, I appreciate that a mentor would be a good support to have in place. Thankyou.

    Now, what to do, without that elephant on my shoulders? Maybe some housework and a peek at my thesis :)

    Hugs, Katy

    2 people found this helpful
  30. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3215 posts
    30 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi. Katy

    I'm only here for a moment I haven't been here all day - maybe good you're taking a break and seeing the psych next week. Hang in there 🥀🏝️🐦

    1 person found this helpful

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