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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Not sure how long I can keep this up

Topic: Not sure how long I can keep this up

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Norts
    Norts avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021
    I'm 45 years old with 2 kids middle income and contemplate suicide at least 50 to 100 times a day. Been worse in the last year, feeling hopeless, worthless, no joy and not looking forward to any future. Not sure if I'm on the right thread here but my missus reckons it's probably time to let someone know and I tend to agree. Feels like it's only a matter of time.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6623 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Norts
    Hi Norts,
     
    Welcome and thank you for joining the Beyond Blue community. We hope you can find the support you are looking for here.

    We’ve already reached out to you privately to see how we can support you further.

    If you would like to talk to someone separately, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).


    Who do you have in your life that supports you through this? Have you been able to speak to anyone close to you about your feelings or even someone like a GP?
     
    Please keep us updated as to how you are progressing through this.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2001 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Norts

    Hi Norts,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Sorry you are feeling this way.

    Have you thought about seeing your gp so you can discuss the way you have been feeling?

    You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist…

    Please know your not alone in this.

    We are all here as a community to support you….

    Here to chat

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Norts

    Hi Norts

    Welcome ..we have found you and we have heard you and we are here for you.

    I am so proud you have reached out today to get some support and I am also happy you have taken on some of the words of your missus and jumped on here to share and to let us sit with you. This is not an easy thing to do and so I wanted to say "well done" for not only sharing how you are feeling with her but also with us too.

    A GP appointment is a great place to start, there are also the support services that Sophie_M has given you as well. Maybe jot them on a piece of paper and have them handy as it is sometimes hard to remember what to do or how to find support when you are feeling so very bad.

    What I would really like to do is beg you to stay, for your partner and for your kids...but I will not do that as while they are a very important reason to stay, the most important reason is YOU. Life sounds hard for you at the moment with little to motivate you or to look forward to, with feelings of hopelessness and feeling so very worthless, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I don't know how you are feeling and all I can offer you is my virtual arm to sit and to listen and for you to know how much I care and that you can share things here if you would like to. To get them off your chest.

    You may not know the answer to this question and it is perfectly ok if not but do you recognize any of the triggers that happen in a day that perhaps make things worse? Are they thoughts? Are they people? Once again it is fine if you do not know but being able to find a few of these out might help and I would like to chat to you about that if you would like to.

    I would also like to tell you about the Beyond Now app and I will put a link here for you:

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

    If you wanted to get this app and maybe even sit with your partner and do it with her and get some things in place for you when you are feeling so dark. Not only can you address the things that might work for you in helping you get through that moment but it could help her to know too, and also to know what is NOT helpful.

    I am a family member of a person who took their life and I never thought that when someone said to me "it is hard now but it will get easier" that that would ever be true. I can say that while it hurts each day it does get easier to manage. There will be brighter days Norts and I would like to chat more to you, if you would like to.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Norts
    Norts avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie_M, Petal22, Sarah

    I'm currently admitted to hospital after reaching out to a work colleague and on to my superintendent. We contacted BCC, our employee assistance program and their advice was the same as yours and others in the thread regarding the GP. However with my GP uncontactable and the seriousness of my situation their subsequent advice was to get me to the emergency ward of the nearest hospital.

    Thanks all for the support.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Norts
    Norts avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Aaronosis, Sarah,

    I'm not much of a talker, but can I say thank you for your beautiful words and your support.

    It means a lot especially from a complete stranger.

    Not really sure how these forums work, but thanks heaps.

    I am very sorry for your loss.

    My clouds are very black at the moment but I wish you healing and peace.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Norts
    Norts avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22,

    Admitted to hospital emergency as you have probably already read.

    I'm not very good at posting.

    Thanks heaps for your support.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2001 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Norts

    Hi Norts,

    Well done for reaching out……

    Im happy to hear you are at the hospital emergency….. that’s great…I wish you all the best .

    I understand how it feels to have grey clouds but with the correct help they will lift….

    I’m happy to support you..

    Please reach out to us anytime 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to Norts

    hi Norts

    I am so proud of you for reaching out to a work colleague and that they were able to support you and to take action to get you into the right place to get some support. Well done as this is such a big step forward but a hard one to take none the less, it takes courage and you have shown that to yourself by choosing you.

    I hope that the hospital staff have been able to chat to you and that you have been able to share how you are really feeling and open up to the mental health team there, they are so wonderful and the more they know about you and how you are feeling or what you are thinking the more they can support.

    I know you said you are not much of a talker but perhaps you can write, and even show the medical team a note that you have put together of your thoughts and feelings if talking is too much, whatever way works for you to communicate how things are for you right now.

    I am sorry your clouds are black right now but maybe this time now is when the clouds have dumped the rain and they start to become clear again and the sun can shine though. I am so proud you have reached out and taken some help for yourself. Not only will this be a huge start to wellness for you but also give your partner some hope too in that you are on your way to getting some support and help. It is also so wonderful for your kids to see that this sort of situation can happen to anyone and also what the steps are to take when you are feeling so bad, that if their dad is strong enough in a really dark tough time to reach out, then should they ever need to they know they can too, what a wonderful role model you are providing your kids.

    Even though you are at the hospital please don't forget the Lifeline number on 13 11 14 as well as the Beyond Blue support number 1300 22 4636. At anytime you do need a chat or some support please keep reaching out Norts.

    I am so very proud of you and would like to chat some more to hear how you are going and to support you if you would like.

    Well done and huge hugs to you

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful

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