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Topic: Relapsing

19 posts, 0 answered
  1. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    9 May 2022
    Has anyone ever felt they were going ok, and felt they were ok, but then situations or ways of thinking or changes of thought, and suddenly relapsed? What I mean is I was getting better, then suddenly wanting to self harm again? I've been going ok, but the last few days has had strong urges. 
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6811 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Dear LJpd81,

    Thank you for your continued support and courage in our community! We hope you are getting as much of out the experience as you are putting in!Certainly, Relapse can feel distressing to any who have experienced it; yet it is crucial to remember that lapse and relapse is known to be a normal and important part of recovery cycles, regardless of whether you are discussing addiction, relationship breakdown, physical training, and yes - self-harm and ideation. 

    It is extremely important in those moments to hold onto the knowledge that you had a period of doing well - you can do well; you will do well again!
    From there - setting goals is a step that can make the future feel solid: perhaps this last positive period lasted 10 days - next time it will last 11. This time you made 3 positive choices a day - what do you need to make 5 positive choices?

    Never forget - smokers on average quite smoking between 9 to 11 attempts before they quit. You are not stuck in a circle - it's a spiral staircase. 

    Always remember to reach out to us anytime, 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 - but if you are really struggling to stay safe, then this is an emergency - please do not hesitate to contact 000 immediately!

    Stay in touch!
    Regards,

    ​​​​​​​Sophie M. 
     
    1 person found this helpful
  3. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hello LJpd81,

    I guess the really simple answer is yes. I had that experience a few times and it felt really frustrating and scary, as I really didn't want to relapse.

    I think the way I think of it now is that there will be times when I feel like things are getting worse, and thankfully I'm a lot better at catching it early now. So that's when I tend to do the things that I know really help me - catching up with a friend or two, taking it easier at work, taking the pressure off going to events (I'm pretty introverted). These moments tend to pass, and I think it gives me more confidence each time.

    So I think it's actually really great that you were able to reach out to us about this, because it's so important you're not dealing with it on your own. Let us know how you are going, and if you'd like, it'd be nice to hear what kind of supports you have.

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  4. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    10 May 2022

    Sometimes what if I have a mental illness and what I've I'm going to be like this for life? I've always been a happy and positive person. But my mind can't stop and constantly thinks bad and tortured thoughts. And lately I'm thinking of s/h again the minute I'm upset.

    I'm drinking more. I know it's bad, but alcohol I my trigger and I can't stop.

  5. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    11 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hello LJpd, when we are suffering from any type of mental illness, there may be times when we think we are travelling OK, but there could be trigger points that suddenly surprise us, that we have not expected, and being in this condition is different than when you don't have any mental problems, simply because you can still keep doing what you're able to, rather than with this illness, you aren't able to cope and may then relapse.

    We need our therapist to help us understand another strategy so we can try and move on when some unknown trigger point confronts us, and not to be consumed by the repercussions.

    I know that alcohol may temporarily advert this, but it could cause any inhabitations from doing what you would not do normally do if you are intoxicated.

    Please be careful.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    15 May 2022 in reply to geoff

    Thanks so much. Sorry for the late reply.

    2 nights ago. I was so low and very sad. Cried like baby and emailed my psychologist while drunk. I felt so awful.

    I did talk to a Beyond Blue counsellor which was a little helpful.

    Yesterday I felt awful and so tired,and today I was happier. Drinking now and alcohol is definitely my trigger. I'm not sad every time. Just most times lately.

  7. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    16 May 2022

    I'm really struggling today and I'm sure no one cares.

    I got my flu vaccination today and when I was at the shops, i felt teary about probably would have burst into tears if I didn't care I was in public.

    I've been in a depressed mood all day.

    I came home and been laying down all day.

    My heart has been pounding. Not sure if it's an anxious thing. As my doctor is worried about my blood pressure.

    I'm super anxious as I've sent my psychologist a few emails and no response as of yet. She's probably busy and will reply later. But my anxiety and depression levels are through the roof.

    She offered me a last minute session for today but unfortunately I had to decline due to money. A bit sad on that as could have used a session.

    Feeling worthless and sad

  8. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6811 posts
    16 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81
    Hey LJ,

    Thank you for sharing an update. We're really sorry to hear you're struggling today. We hope you know that we care, and you can reach out to our counsellors anytime you'd like to talk it through. It's good to hear we were able to help recently, thank you for sharing that. 

    We're sorry to hear you've had a heart-pounding feeling - that must be really unpleasant. It's definitely something other community members have mentioned (there's a great discussion on physical symptoms of anxiety here!) but it's always worth checking in with the GP if you're feeling worried about a physical symptom and unsure of the cause. 

    We can hear it's really frustrating not to have been able to take that session due to money. We're glad you could share what's going on here though. 

    Is there anything that's helped or distracted you today?

    Kind regards, 

    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  9. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    16 May 2022 in reply to Sophie_M

    Thanks so much.

    Wine has helped me this afternoon. I know terrible of me. I'm watching at show, so I guess that's distracing.

    I did end up hearing from my psychologist. My next session is next Monday so not far away.

    I just feel frustrated when I don't get responses as often as I'd like. I know she's busy so I understand that.

    I did actually confide in my husband and family today that I've been feeling mentally not myself lately. They are great. I feel have to be quiet and not worry them.

    I wanted to speak to my best friend last night. Then she rung me but then I didn't feel like talking. And that's not normally me. She's worried about me. I feel bad as she has her own issues, that are way more important.

    My heart is probably pounding due to both anxiety and high blood pressure, which is likely due to alcohol. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow after work. I'm wondering if I should confide more in her.

    I'm wondering if I need medication again. I was on it last year but stopped.

    I feel I have a chemical imbalance or something.

  10. Chris_Tas
    Chris_Tas avatar
    267 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Considering I thought "was fine" and still 4 stays in suicide it's fair to say you are far from alone.

    Relapsing, feeling good to feeling shocking, isn't a straight line and everyone is different and for me it can change wildly (and scarily)

    That's why if you ever feel unsafe go to hospital immediately.

    You are very normal.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hello LJpd, I'm sorry I missed your last comment.

    Sometimes when we email our psychologist, it's all in good faith, but need their opinion to help us, however, money rules the world and they will try and assist you initially, but eventually realise that they are being paid for this privilege and this could be the reason why you may not hear back from them.

    All psych's are different and this also depends on the seriousness of the matter, as I have rung my psych but told she was in a counselling session nd by the time she rang me back, my attitude had changed.

    Friends do have their own issues to cope with, and if they want help, then they'd talk with you, but if they ring you, they are worried about you, that's why they have rung, and at times people can put their own problems aside because they really want to help you.

    I understand exactly what you have said.

    My best.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  12. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to Chris_Tas

    I hope you are ok now.

    I have these terrible thoughts go through my head, some too shocking to share

  13. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to geoff

    Yes makes sense. My psychologist emailed this morning and said she's been busy. But in my mind , I feel like she doesn't care. She does, but I really need help.

    My next session isn't until this Monday.

    When I really need her , she isn't there. And she's the one person who knows everything.

    I went to my doctor yesterday and was more truthful with her. She now knows, I drink more than she knew before. And that I've attempted to and thought more of self harming lately.

    I have also today started back on medication, so feel foggy headed and tired.

  14. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6811 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81
    Hi LJ,

    Thank you for your bravery in being open about this here. It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in opening up with the GP, and starting a new medication. We're sorry you're feeling foggy headed, it's well worth keeping your prescribing doctor up-to-date on how it's going. 

    We are concerned about you and are reaching out to you privately to offer some more immediate support. If you wanted to connect with our counsellors directly, you can do so by calling the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of these feelings, or at any moment so that you can work out your next steps in getting more support together with them on the phone. You can also reach them via Online Chat here.

    If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

    We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Is there anything you've found that helps you through moments like this?

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  15. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    254 posts
    20 May 2022 in reply to Sophie_M

    Sorry for the late reply.

    I'm ok and doing better.

    I've been taking the medication and still feeling off in the head. Really tired, groggy, sick. But mentally a little better.

    Thanks for the call too.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    21 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hello LJpd, can I ask if you are taking the same medication or has your doctor changed it and if so, then it will take a week or so for your body to adjust.

    Please keep well.

    Geoff.

  17. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2815 posts
    21 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hi LJpd81

    You sound like you're a combination of wonderful (full of wonder) and a feeler (someone who feels just about everything). Being a gal who's a wonderful feeler myself, I can relate to how great this combo can be when life's going really well and also when life appears to be be mind altering and challenging in a dark and deeply confusing or disturbing kind of way. Two very different sides of the same coin you could say.

    Can also relate to the need to drink. I used to be quite a drinker. Wondering if you can relate to it as being an emotional regulator to some degree. If I was upset, I'd drink to feel a sense of peace. If I felt low, I'd drink to feel high. Socially anxious, I'd drink to feel confident. Thinking too much, I'd drink to be more thoughtless. Long list, so I won't go on. When I came out of depression some years back, my brain and body suddenly just didn't like alcohol. It was weird. Just the smell of it would make me feel ill. Managing life without alcohol was what I was led to do. Under the circumstances, I was led to wonder more than ever before and I was led to question my feelings more than ever before. If I wanted to stay out of depression, there was no choice.

    While alcohol is widely regarded as a depressant, I found it's also a bit of a suppressant too. Without it, every potentially depressing thing rises to the surface, to address. Whether we're facing the depressing feelings that are telling us we're in a destructive relationship we need to work through or get out of, whether we're facing a time of our life where we need to begin developing a solid circle of 'go to' people for help or general well being or whether we're facing a significant disruption to our body leading to low and debilitating levels of energy, we'll feel it all.

    Chances are, if you're a champion in the way of feeling, what you could be feeling is something you've touched on. Maybe what you're feeling is a chemical imbalance. You could be spot on. In this case, choose your GP wisely. While one GP may dismiss your suspicions by saying something like 'Life is typically tough and exhausting for a mum. You're just going through a stage' (before sending you on your way, grrr), another may be just as wonderful as you. The wonderful one will also wonder about a possible chemical imbalance. I've found wonderful GPs are the best ones to have on your side. They're like medical detectives, always looking for clues.

    'What are you feeling?' is the ultimate question :)

  18. Chris_Tas
    Chris_Tas avatar
    267 posts
    26 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    I respect you on recognising the call you have received.

    It's an amazing service we have and should never be underestimated.

  19. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    26 May 2022 in reply to LJpd81

    Hey LJpd81,

    Just wanted to pop by and ask how you are going? No need to reply if you don't feel up to it, but just wanted to let you know that you have support here whenever you need it

    James

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