Hi Astro. Great that you have posted here and are seeking help.
Living with expectations is very hard indeed, but it is important to question whether such expectations are realistic, and also to see who is imposing these expectations on us. Sometimes we can expect much more from ourselves than others ever do. Sometimes people simply don't know the limots of our abilities, and so expect too much.
"Should" is a judgement word and damages more than helps. Of course it's much easier to think of what you could do differently in hindsight, but at the time you did what you did, you only had the situation and knowledge available at that time.
Does your wife know how you are feeling? You say you don't see each other often. Maybe you could try to suggest or organise a "date night" or something romantic with her in the time you are together. Something that will surprise her and show her that you still care.
We can't go back. We can only go forward and grow.
My head is already a jungle and full of noise, my fuse is so short these days. Where as in the past I was cool calm and could collect my thoughts, loved a new challenge thrown at me. Always seen myself as a leader not a follower... Always have the answers for anyone's question. Now I can't even seem to answer my own
but talking about my mental state and still feeling very uncomfortable about doing so I'm starting to feel my answers will come
thank you once again