We can hear how hopeless, stressed, and drained you're feeling right now. It all sounds really hard right now.
We have just emailed you privately, so please read that email when you get a chance.
We're glad that you've posted here for support. It takes a lot of strength to do that, especially given how you're currently feeling. We hope that posting here and receiving community support helps you to feel even slightly better. Please do continue to post as you see fit.