Awe sweetheart, I’m really very sorry that when you saw some dads pushing prams..You nearly balled your eyes out, it’s okay to cry, if you need to, let the tears fall...There is no need to feel embarrassed if they do fall, your going through a very hard time, with the loss of your partner and now raising your 3 children on your own... your going through a really hard time and my heart goes out to you..I think your doing an amazing job, even if you don’t see it yet..
It’s really good that your mother in law watches them one day a week, that gives you a little break. Maybe on that day, you could give yourself some well deserved self care, and do something that you enjoy doing, to give your mind a little break...from well..everyday stresses...
When my thoughts are really chatty, I have a few instrumentals I listen to, I select one instrument in the music that’s playing and concerntrate only on that instrument, until the instrumental is finished, by doing that, my thoughts are only on the music and I feel a little less emotional for a while...I also do that before bed as well,it really sounds good through earphones....Donor have you tried meditation at all? I was very skepible at first, but decided to try it anyway and it is helping me with settling me when I’m over emotional..maybe you give it a try and see if it helps you even a little..
You’re not a bad Mum sweetheart, you clearly love your children so very much, and want the best forvthem, but your struggling through a hard time dealing with the loss of your partner and that’s hard to do..I think you are doing a very hard job, the best you can and that’s all anyone can do...Please try so very hard not to be to hard on yourself...
Im not sure if I’ve said anything useful at all, but please know that I care and will try to be here to support you as much as I’m able to do, if that’s okay...
This is your thread to talk as much or as little as you feel your able to...I’m sitting next to you and gently holding your hand..hoping you are going to be Okay..
Not sure now, but when my children were young the local school had a playgroup one day a week, im wondering if the schools still do this..your younger child could then play with other children and you could have some adult conversations with the other mums, and this could eventually lead to possibly friendships and play dates at each other’s houses..
Kind and caring thoughts.