Hi everyone,

I’m looking for someone who understands. Who gets the roller coaster. In the same day or moment I can be depressed and hypo, focused and overwhelmed, feel included and like an alien… all whilst being gripped by anxiety. I have ptsd, bipolar and gad and am on the autism and gender spectrum. It’s so intense and it changes extremely quickly or is happening at the same time. I keep saying it drives me nuts, that’s the word I’ve chosen, no offence meant to anyone. I don’t have another way to describe it. It drives me nuts and then I have these flashes of peaceful empty fields or sky or trees that I just want to be part of. It’s the best and the worst time of my life. Sky high and saddened completely.

Hello Guest, 'highs and lows' can quite easily happen when you are struggling with any mental illness, especially as you say you have BP and wonder if your doctor knows about this, because medication would help you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Hi Geoff,

thank you for answering. How are you?

I’ve talked to my psych before and was told my meds are ok. I’m not sure. I think there are meds I’m not supposed to take so I don’t know if they would help more. We’ve discussed it so often that I don’t even mention it anymore. It’s just a ‘no’. Do you take meds? I often find it hard to accept… and people just don’t get it. I rarely talk to people about my mental illness but shared the other day and was asked if I get really angry and horrible with that illness… I didn’t have much luck before either…

But I guess I’m doing ok. I don’t want to be not ok anymore. Im sick of being mentally ill.

Have a nice week.

Hi Gues_2350,

Sorry to hear about your struggles with the 'rollercoaster' as you described. It's awesome that you can come here and share and hopefully find others in your shoes.

I have experience with major depressive disorder so for the most part my mood and concentration stay the same. But during the troughs of my depressive episodes I am also struck with bad anxiety which can make each day feel like a rollercoaster as well. I've found help though from a mixture of treatments including self help, counselling, medication and others. However it always comes down to the individual and how they uniquely respond unfortunately. But my psychiatrist always assures me that there are always options and I hope you discover this too.

In terms of not wanting to be 'just ok', I totally understand. I just had a similar conversation where I mentioned that I don't want to be stuck at 80 or 90% and I feel like this is the reality for most people with mental health issues. And there is no reason to settle, we can strive and eventually reach 100% and the ups, downs and frustration along the way becomes part of our journey. Hope that makes sense. :)

Bob