Birthday anniversaries can be such a massive trigger. Personally I don't give too much thought to the crossover from Dec 31st into Jan 1st, it's more so the crossover into my own personal new year that triggers a lot of thought. You know those questions such as
- How on track am I or how far off track am I compared to this time last year?
- Why was I born? Why am I here?
- What am I doing with my life?
Of course, if all's going exceptionally well, the answers and feelings that can come with these questions can be amazing. If you're facing the worst time of your life, a birthday anniversary with all those typical questions can trigger the most incredibly depressing thoughts and answers. Either way, the first day of our own personal new year can be one of the biggest triggers in life. It's understandable as to why you're feeling so depressed today.
Wish I was there with you Chris. I really do. If I was there, we'd go off to hire a convertible for the day and zoom around through the countryside, with the top down, laughing. We'd be sticking to the speed limit of course :) Perhaps we'd hire a tux for you and and some fancy kind of dress for me and we'd stop in some country town for lunch, where people would be staring at us, wondering what we're all about, dressed up like this. I hope I get a smile out of you when I lead you to imagine those people talking if I was wearing the tux and you were wearing the dress :) While I can't be there with you Chris, I want to give you this gift today, the gift of imagining a day different from all the days over the past 2 years that have led up to it. I wish I could give you more than simply something different to imagine. I really do wish I was there with you Chris.
By the way, my 16yo son said something to me at about 5 past 12 in the morning on Jan 1st this year that created a new perspective for me, as he and I were not looking forward to more of the same this year. He said 'I'm glad that's over', referring to 2021. While the last couple of years have involved a lot of obvious disintegration in life, of what I'd once integrated into my life, the #1 question is 'How do I start again? Where do I start? What do I start integrating into my life now that those things are no longer in it?'. Can be such a confusing time with so much hard work. Do you think regular guidance/counseling sessions is something you could see yourself integrating into your life this year regarding the way forward?