Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

Topic: Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

  1. Tams20
    Tams20 avatar
    318 posts
    23 April 2018 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    What is keeping me here? My kids, husband and parents - they would all be devastated and I couldn’t do that to them. They don’t deserve to be made to feel like that due to my selfish behaviour. I earn the money for my family so they would be impacted financially.

    I don’t actually want to kill myself. I just want all of this to be over, and by ‘this’ I mean me feeling depressed, sad, confused and tired... I just need to try harder to find ways to manage things that don’t involve me taking that final irreversible step.

    Tams

    4 people found this helpful
  2. Amy23
    Amy23 avatar
    17 posts
    23 April 2018 in reply to Tams20
    Do things you love most, it might not help but at least find happiness somewhere in life
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Chloe_M
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Chloe_M avatar
    836 posts
    23 April 2018 in reply to Amy23
    I agree with you Amy. Also love your user picture that was my laptop background previously.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Amy23
    Amy23 avatar
    17 posts
    24 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M
    Thank you. I'm good at giving advice but I don't know how to follow it, I help people but not my self
    2 people found this helpful
  5. Emmy.
    Emmy. avatar
    1870 posts
    24 April 2018 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    My husband.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9873 posts
    24 April 2018 in reply to Emmy.

    Hello Everyone,

    Tomorrow keeps me here. I hope that one day tomorrow something good or amazing will happen in my life.. We never know what tomorrow will bring us, so atm I'm staying here to find out.

    Grandy..

    8 people found this helpful
  7. Miss T
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Miss T avatar
    30 posts
    25 April 2018
    Although it is an uncommon therapy, Transpersonal Therapy keeps me here. I am also a fan of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and wish we could get a rebate for this and life coaching from private health insurance.
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Cornerstone
    Cornerstone avatar
    7 posts
    4 May 2018

    At this point no idea. My husband just told me that I best to separate from them kids and him, as my depression and suicidal thoughts are causing behaviour issue in the house .

    Who won’t feel suicidal, when you ask the one you leave ve to protect you because you have thoes thoughts. Anyway i got the news last night, and my treating doctor is in London (no access to help). I haven’t had the need to call 131114 yet. But just very upset to have a loving husband to tell me to go at my lowest point. And off cause he has booked a council appointment for him self. I am breath just breathing but not sure what left to do. Hiding in my bed 1/2 the day. Too scare too sad. Tried to meditation continuesly to keep me calm.

    Life and relationships bites hard at the moment.

    Why the love one abandoned depression person, I have a mental disability and I still trying to improve. This situation of “lets seperate” has take me back 10 steps. Why is people so cruel

  9. Chloe_M
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Chloe_M avatar
    836 posts
    5 May 2018 in reply to Cornerstone

    Cornerstone, hi, do you have a thread?

    If you do please tell me what it's called I will pop over and see if I can help you x

    chloe

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Cornerstone
    Cornerstone avatar
    7 posts
    5 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Thx Chloe M,

    i am new to this space, and desperate:) - at least i know i need support and reframing from calling lifeline. I am worried it will effect my teen kids. They already experienced once with ambulance turning up my door.

    I will try to work out how to start a thread. My head’s neurons are on speedway. Spiraling down fast!

  11. Chloe_M
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Chloe_M avatar
    836 posts
    6 May 2018 in reply to Cornerstone

    Good on you with that thread :) the first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is a problem. I see you have done that so good job, you are on the slow and tiring but in the end rewarding road to recovery 😄

    x Chlo

    3 people found this helpful
  12. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10955 posts
    7 May 2018 in reply to Cornerstone

    Dear Cornerstone (with a wave to Romantic_thi3f)~

    I'd like to join Chole_M in welcoming you. I thought I'd mention that instructions on making a thread for yourself are found here:

    Forums / Welcome and orientation / The forum FAQ thread

    If you get stuck no hassles - sing out here.

    Reading what you have said so far my heart goes out to you. You husband sounds insensitive, selfish and cruel. Exactly what you do not need at the moment.

    I notice you are deliberately holding off calling a crisis line. They do have a bigger role than just putting people in hospital, which is the impression many have. They are there to be used, and can be very comforting. You might like to consider calling the the one I have personal confidence in: the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) as they can do more than just the one conversation.

    I would like to talk with you more and will look out for you posting, maybe in a new thread

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Alt_goku
    Alt_goku avatar
    1 posts
    11 May 2018

    What's kept me here? That's a hard thing. Currently I'm in my final year of highschool, so the thought of failure is keeping me here I guess.

    My beautiful friends and some family members.

    Other than that I just want everything to stop. And when I say stop I mean the emptiness, the tiredness, the sadness that deep void in my heart. I want it gone.

    2 people found this helpful
  14. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9873 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to Alt_goku

    What keep me her the.. beauty in our lives.

    The trees they stand so strong and tall,

    Little creatures and birds you can hear their call,

    look at the trees and hear the creatures,

    Then look around and see earths features,

    Theres hills and mountains , streams and rivers,

    Peace and calm these waters deliver,

    Green grass and flowers of every colour,

    Sit on the grass then pick up a flower,

    Smell the flowers, and saviour their fragrance,

    Your heart and soul is beginning to dance,

    Then look at the sky, the clouds you'll see,

    Gently floating, changing shape, you'll see,

    At night the sky lights up with stars,

    The moon you'll find between these stars,

    Shining brightly you can see there sparkle,

    Your eyes will see something quite remarkable,

    This is our earth, and our universe,

    Where you are needed to complete this verse,

    You are a part of this place we all call earth,

    If you live in this place, feeling broken and hurt,

    Then take the time each day, and study this place,

    For there's beauty all around us in every place,

    So why not stay and look around,

    And see the beauty that you just found.

    It time now for you to start,

    To gather it up and place it in your heart.

    Keep then safe and keep them sound,

    All this beauty that you just found.

    Grandy.

    9 people found this helpful
  15. TealRibbon
    TealRibbon avatar
    27 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    That’s beautiful Grandy.

    I’m here because I have promised to stay a while and I am hoping every evening when I go to sleep that I have a better day tomorrow.

    I have often cried myself to sleep with my safety plan in my hand. If nothing else speaks to me, i hang onto that and tell myself that i am ill and i wrote it when I was feeling better.

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9873 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to TealRibbon

    Hello Teal,

    Awe I'm so really sorry your struggling with so much..Do you have the Beyond Blue 24/7 help line..1300 22 4636.. also the suicide call back 1300659467 they are also very helpful and they only talk as well and will ring you back later to check on you.....

    Please if your struggling to much and need to talk these are fantastic people to talk to..I have rang them a few times and they were kind and caring..

    Please Teal. Give these number a ring if you need to speak to someone..

    Caring and warm hugs..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Cornerstone
    Cornerstone avatar
    7 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to Alt_goku

    Hi Alt_goku,

    The pain will PASSED. You have so much to live for. YOU are the precious being, and remind youself, You are special. You are special Alt_goku. We are here for you. We have negative feelings, BUT THEY WILL PASSED. WE are here for you, you support, share your pain, and share you recovery. You are special , special to all friends and family. I understand there are times that you feel empty, but you are not alone, it will passed.

    I am here typing away, Hoping love and peace goes you way.

    2 people found this helpful
  18. Cornerstone
    Cornerstone avatar
    7 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand
    So beautify Ggrand ... I will keep your wisdom to heart, when I am feeling down. Thank you for sharing! good wishes to all
    1 person found this helpful
  19. TealRibbon
    TealRibbon avatar
    27 posts
    12 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy

    thank you for your message and the phone numbers. I have been in touch before with SCB but when I am bad I am scared they will put me into hospital so I try not to ring. I contact them from time to time to update my safety plan because my ‘reasons to live’ are difficult to find when things change.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Tess2
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tess2 avatar
    464 posts
    13 May 2018
    Ok don’t know what is keeping me here. Hope and fear. I hope things will improve and I fear any attempt at suicide not working, the thought of waking up alive fills me with dread. I love my children, adults now, and they also keep me here I have seen the effects of suicide on the remaining family. But right now I have mounting pressure in my chest and fear of living in my head.
    4 people found this helpful
  21. Helli
    Helli avatar
    3 posts
    13 May 2018 in reply to Tess2
    Tess2 said:Ok don’t know what is keeping me here. Hope and fear. I hope things will improve and I fear any attempt at suicide not working, the thought of waking up alive fills me with dread.

    This is me too. Not so much on the hope anymore though. If there was a way that was 100% guaranteed and 100% painless, I doubt I still would be here.
    I am glad your children keep you here though. That's a pretty powerful reason to hang around.
    2 people found this helpful
  22. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9873 posts
    13 May 2018 in reply to Tess2

    Hello Tess,

    Im so really pleased that you have people that you love and that they love you as well..

    Tomorrow..We never know what's around the corner, I think it's worth the fight and wait to see what it is...Please I know it's hard, but Tess please believe in this...Don't ever give up on hope...

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Setsail001
    Setsail001 avatar
    11 posts
    23 May 2018
    Seeing the beautiful sun come through the clouds, hearing birds chirping, my family and friends... my cat meowing at me when he is hungry :)
    1 person found this helpful
  24. emstan77
    emstan77 avatar
    1 posts
    29 May 2018
    Eminems music
    1 person found this helpful
  25. KittyBowtie
    KittyBowtie avatar
    3 posts
    30 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand
    That was so relatable it made me want to cry :(
  26. Sarzy61
    Sarzy61 avatar
    32 posts
    1 June 2018 in reply to Tess2

    Hi Tess,

    Isn't anxiety just so unbearable. I've had it every 5 yrs since I was 35. Am now 56. It usually lasted for 6 months.

    You are much braver than I. Hope you are getting some help from these nice people.

    You deserve a better future. Hope the sale is over soon.

    Regards, Nick

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Tess2
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tess2 avatar
    464 posts
    1 June 2018 in reply to Sarzy61

    Thank you nick, i hope you feel a bit better today. Thank you for responding

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Stillme
    Stillme  avatar
    2 posts
    4 June 2018

    This a hard forum to read but I'm glad you started it, thanks.

    I stay for my kids, only them. I know my youngest is prone to BD like me, and I can't bear the thought of them not having a mum. This disorder is hard, it's stigmatising still and misunderstood. My energy levels are so variable, I lost (quit) an excellent lecturing position last year when I was severely manic (and then diagnosed). I was misdiagnosed at emergency presentation about a decade ago, I feel the disorder has established pretty chronic cycles during that time frame. My broader family don't seen to get it, they seem scared to really get into the crux of it, talk about it. I have friends but they have lives too. I have given up at the moment of working professionally again right now, I am just trying to survive and be a good mum, which I am. Medications don't agree with me as I found out I have another gene abnormality which makes medications harder for me to process. In saying that, I think I'm about to go back on a medication. I have cared for people all my life, within my family & friends & professionally, and gee I've never felt so alone, stigmatised, worthless. I've been really shocked at how poorly my loved ones deal with it. I feel so tired. I'm trying to do some more study atm, to commit to something but I'm frustrated by that too, my intelligence is something I've always valued dearly but my brain's energy & functional ability just fluctuate so much now, I just feel like I'm living as a shell of myself. Sorry, this is a negative post and not uplifting like some of the others.

    I stay for my kids. When I am well I love life, nature, music, all of it.

    2 people found this helpful
  29. Guest_5748
    Guest_5748 avatar
    5 posts
    5 June 2018

    i feel painfully visible but completely ignored.

    i want people to care

  30. Chloe_M
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Chloe_M avatar
    836 posts
    5 June 2018 in reply to Guest_5748

    hi sgammi

    just letting you know that youre not alone

    we here are here for you if you want to talk to someone x

    Chloe :)

    2 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up