Hello Vanessa dee
Wow, welcome and what a powerful and emotional post, I am so very proud of you for reaching out here today and sharing this very raw and personal journey of yours. It is so very brave of you and must have taken so much strength to do.
We are here with you and we are here to sit with you, to listen and to share as much as you want to do so.
I want to mention something about thoughts, they are just that, they are not reality and they are mostly not true...we can ask them to leave. I am wondering if you can get some support in letting yourself see how truly wonderful you are and to start to love you. You are worth this life and life can and will get better, it really will, with support and with the right people on your team.
You are right, no one does truly understand, but what you will find once you do start reaching out and start sharing and getting support is that people can care for you, can let you be you and can support you as you heal and start your journey to wellness.
There are some emergency services like Life Line that you can call if you need to chat to someone, they are on 13 11 14, they are so wonderful and are there 24 hours a day, also though if you are not safe at the moment please call an ambulance and have them come to you.
We are here for you Vanessa dee, please reach out some more to us and let us comfort you and remind you of how good you really are.
Hugs to you