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Topic: The let down

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Vanessa dee
    Vanessa dee avatar
    1 posts
    14 January 2021
    For as long as I can remember I have been bullied. Whether it be from family, friends or strangers

    I get picked apart constantly. Mostly it's about the way I look.

    I'm the scapegoat, I'm the emotional punching bag, I am not good enough.

    Unless I change I'm unlovable, unworthy and a burden.

    I slowly feel myself withdrawing. I dread going out because I don't think I can handle the World.

    I try to talk to people but I get told I'm too sensitive and need thick skin.

    So then I feel guilty for feeling the way I feel.

    For the first time 6 months ago I was truly happy. I was expecting my first child.

    I had purpose, I had so much love to give. Then I miscarried.

    Any purpose I had was gone.

    I feel like I'm sinking into a hole and everyone can see me there but does nothing.

    I feel so alone and isolated. No one truly understands
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Vanessa dee

    Hello Vanessa dee

    Wow, welcome and what a powerful and emotional post, I am so very proud of you for reaching out here today and sharing this very raw and personal journey of yours. It is so very brave of you and must have taken so much strength to do.

    We are here with you and we are here to sit with you, to listen and to share as much as you want to do so.

    I want to mention something about thoughts, they are just that, they are not reality and they are mostly not true...we can ask them to leave. I am wondering if you can get some support in letting yourself see how truly wonderful you are and to start to love you. You are worth this life and life can and will get better, it really will, with support and with the right people on your team.

    You are right, no one does truly understand, but what you will find once you do start reaching out and start sharing and getting support is that people can care for you, can let you be you and can support you as you heal and start your journey to wellness.

    There are some emergency services like Life Line that you can call if you need to chat to someone, they are on 13 11 14, they are so wonderful and are there 24 hours a day, also though if you are not safe at the moment please call an ambulance and have them come to you.

    We are here for you Vanessa dee, please reach out some more to us and let us comfort you and remind you of how good you really are.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  3. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Vanessa dee

    Hi Vanessa,

    Welcome to the forums. Thank you for such an honest and courageous first post. I am sorry that you are hurting so much right now and feeling so alone. I cannot imagine how painful and traumatic it would be to lose a child - please give yourself the time and space that you need to grieve this loss, and know that there are services available if you feel that you would like that support (Red Nose Grief and Loss have a 24/7 phoneline 1300 308 307 and resources available on their webpage https://rednosegriefandloss.org.au/). You are right - no one can truly understand your personal experience and pain, but I believe that you are worth so much more than you think. You are not unlovable and you are not a burden. I am sorry that people have made you feel that you are, and treated you in a way that makes you feel guilty for your emotions - this is horrible and I can understand how that would make you feel isolated and not good enough.

    Have you ever felt like this in the past? And if so, do you remember if there was anything that helped you? Is there anyone that you feel close to and able to talk to for support? Alternatively, would you be open to talking to your GP or other clinician about perhaps getting a referral and/or some extra support so you can have some space to work through what you are feeling?

    I know it is not the same as having someone physically there, but we see you Vanessa and we do care. Please do reach out on the forum as and when you feel up to it. Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    14 January 2021 in reply to Vanessa dee

    Hello Vanessa dee, welcome to the forums.

    I'm really sorry to hear about you being bullied and your miscarriage, I can't imagine how hard that must be on you. Well the bullying I understand because that's happened to me my whole life in person and online.

    I've also been told how sensitive I am and whatnot, it's quite hard and people don't understand, and every hurtful word and action is going to make it worse, people don't get it.

    But I wanted to tell you that you are good enough, you're loveable, you're not unworthy, you're not a burden.

    Good on you for reaching out and joining BB. I hope you find some comfort on these forums, it's a friendly, safe and non judgemental place. Lots of people would be able to relate to you I'm sure, as you've seen by some of the replies already.

    I feel the same with the withdrawing and not being able to handle the world. You're not alone. Sometimes it helps to hear that.

    Please stay safe and take care. Love and virtual hugs to you.

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