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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Want To Leave This Place

Topic: Want To Leave This Place

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Bee1998
    Bee1998 avatar
    47 posts
    19 June 2021

    Two nights ago I was dropped off at the hospital by my friend. I was having a very unhappy night (which has been a regular occurrence for months now). I had been at home by myself for three nights, and I was very distressed and lonely.

    I ended up drinking half a bottle of vodka... I also self-harmed. I ended up messaging my friend, telling her I wanted to go to the hospital. She got one of our friend's to come round and pick me up. When they arrived, I was lying down on the floor in the lounge room.

    My friend drove me to the hospital.

    After waiting for four hours, I needed to rush to the toilet, as I started feeling like I needed to throw up all of a sudden. I knelt over the toilet, needing to vomit, but nothing was coming out, and I couldn't regurgitate or anything.... so I sat down on the toilet, then after a few moments, I started to rapidly overheat. I was so hot that I started to quickly strip off my clothes (my two jumpers). I wanted to take my t-shirt and pants off too, because I was so hot, but I couldn't because I was in hospital. At this point, I was excessively sweating and felt really faint and dizzy. All of a sudden, I could feel this intense feeling, I could feel my ears losing their hearing (fading away), and it felt like my entire body and nervous system was fading away/about to shut down. Three nurses rushed in to help me...

    The exact same thing happened to me again after I was finally taken through into the hospital... After having blood test taken, I felt the same thing and started rapidly overheating, but this time it was 10 times more intense. I had to get back onto the floor and sit up against the wall. I felt so sick that I was making physical noises of pain and discomfort.

    Since that night, I have self harmed, and had urges to admit myself back into hospital.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6620 posts
    19 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998
    Hey Bee1998,

    Thank you so much for reaching out here tonight, we understand that this can be a really difficult thing to do when you're feeling so low, so thank you for showing your strength. We're so sorry to hear what you've been through these past few days, and that you've been continuing to struggle with these urges to self-harm. It sounds like it must be so difficult to cope with this all on your own- is there anyone you could contact throughout this time? Perhaps a friend, psychologist or counsellor you could discuss these events with? It sounds like you are being so proactive in trying to look after your wellbeing, and if you are at risk of harming yourself, we'd also encourage you to return to the hospital, or you can also contact your local CATT team here: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management We're also currently getting in touch with you privately to check in with you and offer you some support.

    In addition to this, the kind counsellors at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always here for you anytime, day or night, whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with- you never have to go through this alone. And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and it's importanty that your contact 000 straightaway.

    Please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you through this. Our understanding and non-judgemental community are here to help offer their caring support and advice.
  3. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2000 posts
    19 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    Hi Bee1998,

    So sorry you have been feeling this way.

    Is there someone close to you that can stay with you for some company? I understand when we are going through mental illness it’s nice to have company… just someone to talk to….. it can be a very scary time…..

    im here to chat

  4. Bee1998
    Bee1998 avatar
    47 posts
    20 June 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22,

    Thank you for your response. My friend who recently passed away's mum has offered for me to go and live with her, as she also feels lonely and could use some company. I am just hesitant though, as I am afraid to step out of my comfort zone, and don't know what it will be like.

    I also would be sleeping in my friend's bedroom.

  5. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2000 posts
    20 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    That’s ok Bee1998,

    I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

    So sorry to hear your friend passed away, thats nice that your friends mum has asked you to stay with her….. I can understand your concerns……

    How would you feel about doing a trial? Maybe you could try to stay with her a couple of times a week and see how you feel……… let me know your thoughts……. Even just having her as a friend would be nice too….. you could do things together to keep each other company?

    im here to chat to you any time

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Bee1998
    Bee1998 avatar
    47 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Petal22 that is a great idea to do a trial.

    Thank you for your help

  7. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2000 posts
    22 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    That’s ok Bee1998, I’m glad I could help you…… 😊

    Let me know how it goes……

    here to chat to you

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