Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Why do I do it

22 posts, 0 answered
  1. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020

    Im not sure im even posting this on the right forum. Please tell me if its not. Hi.... so... upfront.....I have not read through many posts. Im sorry. I just thought I needed an outlet. Dont even know where to begin. Im 44 years old. I have a great (although very stressful) job. 2 grown kids i love. 1 granddaughter I adore. Dating an amazing man for just over 7 yrs. Lost my sister 2 yrs ago from pancreatic cancer. That's when my life fell apart. The hurt is unbearable. Just the last few months.....I self harmed. I had no intention to end my life. I just maybe wanted physical pain to take away the emotional pain.
     
  2. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76

    Hi Di76, welcome. You're posting on the right forums, so that's no problem.

    I'm sorry to hear you self harmed and you lost your sister to cancer.

  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6625 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76
    Hi Di76,

    Welcome to our valued community forums. You have posted to the correct forum, and it's okay if you don't - these forums are moderated, and our moderation team will send you a private message to let you know if they need to relocate your thread.

    We're glad that you came here as an outlet. We're so sorry to hear that you have lost your sister, and the hurt that you are going through as a result. Loss can be so painful, and the resulting grief can be different for everyone - you're not alone in this. You might be interested in our page on "Grief and Loss” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss

    Can we ask if you have received any mental health support to help you through this painful loss? You might be interested in getting in touch with Griefline - 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief.

    You may also be interested in our page on "Self harm and self injury", which provides some insight on why you might be self harming. You also might find it useful for ideas on how to find less harmful coping methods -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injury

    Thank you so much for reaching out here and sharing your story. Many in our community have had similar experiences and can relate. Hopefully a few will reach out here to welcome you over the next few days.
     
  4. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    😔😔😔😔😔
  5. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76
    Why those emojis, Di?
  6. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Saw someone once. I thought I was ok
  7. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    Coz thats how i feel.
  8. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76
    I was just trying to welcome you to the forums and say I'm sorry for how you're feeling
  9. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    This is not the easiest forum to follow. Should I mention.....im a butcher?
  10. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76
    You'll get the hang of the forums soon enough. You can go into "my threads" and you can find threads you've made and commented on and it will say that others have aswell. I was just trying to be friendly and welcome you
  11. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    I know and thank you so much. My emoji was not for your comment xxx
  12. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    Thank you I appreciate that more than you know xxx im sorry if I sounded like a bitch. Was not my intention xxx
  13. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9851 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Di76

    Hello Dearest Di76,

    A warm and caring welcome to our forums..

    I am deeply sorry that you lost your beautiful sister to pancreatic cancer...My deepest condolences Di...

    Di...2 year’s isn’t that long ago...your pain is so raw.... their is no time limit to grieving for a loved one..I lost my husband to cancer 7 years ago,,,and it took me a long time before I could even talk about him...without crying...even now after 7 years, I have some days that I think about him a lot and cry...I don’t think our grief ever ends...but it does get easier with time...

    It might not feel like it now...in time the hurt eases... We never ever forget our loved ones..You hold your sister safely deep within your heart and soul... Your love for your sister will never leave you....We are here lovely Di...If you feel the need to talk... about anything at all...

    I’m so sorry you have self harmed yourself...Umm you say you are dating an amazing man,,,Is your s/h and how much your hurting something that you feel comfortable talking over with your partner ?.....or your GP...

    please talk here anytime you you feel up to it...and keep us updated on how your managing...

    My kindest and most caring thoughts....

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    28 December 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    You are so kind. Im finding texting on this forum hard lol. I have so much I wish I could talk about. To my kids and partner im a pillar of strength. No one knows the real feelings I am having
    1 person found this helpful
  15. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2703 posts
    29 December 2020 in reply to Di76

    Hi Di76

    My heart goes out to you as you face the overwhelming struggle that has come with your sister passing.

    It's good that you suspect you know why the self harm took place. Knowing why can definitely make things easier in the way of managing that impulse. Can't help but wonder if the self harm led you to feel sadder. The reason I ask relates to my own reasons for doing it when I was much younger and how it led me to feel. By the way, I'm a 70s gal too, born bang on 1970.

    While emotions can feel like a gift at times, they can also feel like a curse, especially when the intensity of them leads us to feel like we're falling apart. In my opinion, 2 of the toughest emotions to manage would have to be heartbreak and complete and utter despair. They're so incredibly painful. It's amazing how heartbreak can feel so physical, that aching in the chest. Mending a broken heart can require not just simply time but a management plan. How we manage healing is what can make the difference.

    Have you considered ways to manage? While self harm is one way, of course, as you would already know, it's not the best way. Have you considered opening up to your partner or perhaps looking into some grief counseling? Do you have someone in your life who is sensitive to emotion, who can relate to the mental and physical impact of it? Someone who has an understanding of emotion coupled with a balance of managing their emotions could be the person to speak to. It sounds like you may need someone who deeply feels for you in the incredible challenge you face. I believe, such a person would make a good listener, giving you the opportunity to really vent. It's so important to release heartbreak.

    Di, at 50 I'm still coming across emotions I've never dealt with before in my life. I'll continue to come across those which will really test me, such as losing a family member. I'm very sensitive to emotion and know I'll need to manage carefully. Managing is how I've so far mastered not returning to depression. While my 15 or so years in depression is behind me, there are times that can have me fearfully standing on the brink, looking into that dark abyss. While intense emotions can scare and drain me, I know they're also challenging me in some way, to reform myself. If only there was an instruction manual for life with a chapter on 'Managing extreme emotion'. I'm sure emotional exhaustion would be included.

    On a lighter note Di, do you enjoy your job, even though it's stressful?

    Take care :)

  16. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    29 December 2020 in reply to therising

    Hi Di. How are you doing?

    And you did nothing wrong, it's ok. I understand you're upset and it's hard to open up to new people, online or not. But I promise you this is a safe, welcome place that is moderated. We're all here with welcoming and sympathetic arms. No one here will judge you or be rude. We're all here for one another. It's a nice safe place to be.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    832 posts
    29 December 2020 in reply to Di76

    Hi Di,

    It sounds like you were really close to your sister. I can imagine how much it hurts to not have her in your life anymore, to share lovely times and tough times.

    Has Christmas been especially hard for you?

    I would like to hear more of your story, when you are ready to talk about it. It does take a bit of getting used to the system here, but as everyone has said, once you get used to it, it's a great place to be, and to share. There's many ppl here with different experiences and viewpoints. I've found it really helpful to say here what I can't say at home, or with friends. Having said that it's good if you partner understands something of what you're going through, even if it seems like he doesn't understand and isn't able to offer you the support you need right now.

    Once my husband knew why I was coming on here, to talk, and how safe it was, then he was able to be more understanding.

    My daughter was self harming for some time. It was a real cry for help I think.

    Big hugs,

    J*

  18. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    30 December 2020 in reply to therising
    Thankyou for your reply. Well.. I told my family and partner.. everything. I feel good and bad about that. But. I did it. As a result.....I've been taken to a dr and now have the help I need. Got a psychologist appointment 22nd jan.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Di76
    Di76 avatar
    11 posts
    30 December 2020 in reply to Missing user
    Thank you for your reply. I told my family and partner everything I have an appointment with a psychologist soon
    1 person found this helpful
  20. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    30 December 2020 in reply to Di76
    Thats good. Hopefully your appointment goes well. I wish I could see my professionals earlier.
  21. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2703 posts
    31 December 2020 in reply to Di76

    Hi Di76

    So glad you've met the challenge of sharing how you're feeling, with your family. I believe there are some things we simply can't manage on our own, such as navigating deeply emotional territory we've never traveled through before. As your family so lovingly act as your compass, regarding the way forward, I am hoping this new direction sets you on the path of great healing.

    :)

  22. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    832 posts
    31 December 2020

    Hi Di,

    Thats so good that you're getting help.

    Let us know how you're going please? I know that seeing a professional isn't a cure-all, but it's a start. And if you have a good rapport with them, and they're reasonably good at what they do then it will be helpful. I even have found a regular counsellor has had good strategies for recovery.

    Sometimes it can take a while to understand what's causing the feelings and how to recover, but things like walking, talking to trusted loved ones and taking time out to do what you used to enjoy, as well as self care strategies like doing nice things for yourself, can all help, in my experience.

    Warm hugs,

    J*

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up