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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Will never be good enough

Topic: Will never be good enough

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. MyProfile
    MyProfile avatar
    49 posts
    16 July 2021

    I will start by reassuring that I have no intentions of harming myself, but I did feel that this section of the forums was the most fitting.

    I believe that I will never be good enough for this world, well actually just society. As a living breathing animal I am enough. Some days that's all that keeps me going, literally just survival of the flesh.

    There are so many pressures in this world! I had a sh*tty upbringing and consequently I have c-ptsd. It's hard just getting from moment to moment sometimes, let alone meeting the never ending expectations of having a job, being perfect looking, having amazing hobbies, having lots of friends, owning lots of fancy things, changing the world for the better... I swear the expectations grow each year.

    I haven't worked in over 5 years. My anxiety is crippling. I've just had a baby and hate myself that I don't work, I surely am not good enough to have a baby if I can't work, right?

    Inside I am an overwhelmed mess to the point that I feel defeated, numb... I honestly feel like I would be better off dead (what a relief!) and that the world and my loved ones would be better off without me.

    I don't believe I am depressed. Just realistic. What worth do I have in this world? I am just a burden, a drain on the precious resources that have been designated only to the lucky ones who grew up able to function in this circus.

    Who gets to decide what is enough?

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6620 posts
    16 July 2021 in reply to MyProfile
    Hi Myprofile, 

    We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way right now, we can hear that you are going through a lot right now and are feeling quite low. Anxiety and depression is common after having a baby and we want to thank you for being so brave and sharing your story here today. You never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experience. Thank you for being a part of this community and for being so honest and artiuclate in your story. 

    We are concerned about you and feel like you could benefit from a phonecall with our support service. If you want to chat to us, please call 1300 22 4636 - our team are are available anytime.

    If you feel unsafe at anytime, this is an emergency and you should call 000 straight away.

    Thank you again for coming to the community and sharing your experience, we would love to hear back from you if you feel comfortable. 

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
  3. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    jtjt_4862 avatar
    346 posts
    16 July 2021 in reply to MyProfile

    Hi MyProfile,

    I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through and how you're feeling about yourself. I want to let you know that, I hear you and your feelings are valid. It is indeed a really harsh world that we live in, and as society grows and becomes more complex, it places a lot of stress on us all who just want to live a happy and peaceful life. Stress factors coming from social expectations, coping with the ever changing environment that we're in, adhering to new social laws etc...

    Who gets to decide what is enough? Why that's you of course, because it is your life, and you're the main character who gets to decide what is enough for yourself. You could choose to live a life of contentment, or be a slave to everyone's never-ending expectations. You don't have to seek happiness from the acceptance of others, because you can find a better kind of happiness from within yourself by living a life of contentment. Living a life of contentment comes from accepting one's self in the flesh that they are in; recognizing the strengths that you have, while accepting the weaknesses and vulnerabilities. With possessions comes maintenance, and with maintenance comes stress. The more we have in our possessions, the more stressful it becomes to maintain it. So keep the important things, and give away any unnecessary possessions (or as Marie Kondo puts it, things that don't bring joy to us anymore).

    I feel having a baby is a wonderful thing to be had in a family. Whether you can work while having a baby, is up to you to decide. Personally, I don't think I can have a baby while working to keep myself alive, it is too much for myself to handle. But everything happens for a reason, and I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what's best for you with the amazing gift that life has given you.

    I hope this may help you find some light in your life, and I'm always happy to chat with you more. Take care of yourself, and thinking of you.

    Jt

  4. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9848 posts
    16 July 2021 in reply to MyProfile

    Hello Dear MyProfile,

    Congratulations on you new Beautiful baby...

    Please Done hate yourself, and think that you are not enough for this world..because you really are a precious and unique person, ..your ptsd makes you think that way..I know this because my ptsd can be very cruel and tell me the same things yours is telling you...I am learning not to listen to my thoughts, because that’s all they are, they are only thoughts and not real....

    Your new baby is a blessing a beautiful little bundle of love and joy, who will have unconditional love for you as you have for your baby....That is more then enough...You are working in a way... caring for your baby and nurturing baby is one of the hardest jobs anyone can do...

    Society can be hard to live in, I go into society once a week for my volunteer job and shopping..that’s enough society for me...Now that you have a beautiful baby, it can slowly open up a few things for you, just taking it at your own pace...their will be playgroups you can attend, even with a newborn you can go, meet other parents, that you can chat to...if Covid restrictionists allow it...also taking baby to a park, so you can sit and connect a little with the nature around you..and get away from every day hassles...

    Enjoy your new baby as much as you can..Society can wait until you feel more up to joining in...there is no rule that says that you must join in..or that you have to be perfect..you are you, your more then good enough and you are perfect just the way you are!..💚🌹.

    Here if you need to talk..

    My kindest thoughts with my care.

    Grandy..

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