I will start by reassuring that I have no intentions of harming myself, but I did feel that this section of the forums was the most fitting.
I believe that I will never be good enough for this world, well actually just society. As a living breathing animal I am enough. Some days that's all that keeps me going, literally just survival of the flesh.
There are so many pressures in this world! I had a sh*tty upbringing and consequently I have c-ptsd. It's hard just getting from moment to moment sometimes, let alone meeting the never ending expectations of having a job, being perfect looking, having amazing hobbies, having lots of friends, owning lots of fancy things, changing the world for the better... I swear the expectations grow each year.
I haven't worked in over 5 years. My anxiety is crippling. I've just had a baby and hate myself that I don't work, I surely am not good enough to have a baby if I can't work, right?
Inside I am an overwhelmed mess to the point that I feel defeated, numb... I honestly feel like I would be better off dead (what a relief!) and that the world and my loved ones would be better off without me.
I don't believe I am depressed. Just realistic. What worth do I have in this world? I am just a burden, a drain on the precious resources that have been designated only to the lucky ones who grew up able to function in this circus.
Who gets to decide what is enough?