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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Advice for my gf *Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and self harm*

Topic: Advice for my gf *Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and self harm*

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Dan H
    Dan H avatar
    1 posts
    19 April 2021

    Hi, first time poster here, let me start by saying thank you to all you beautiful people for helping where you can! It's so nice to see :)

    My gf (23) and I (25) have been together 5+ years and we have recently decided to buy a house together. In the past 5 years she has told me about her mental illnesses and her lack of control over them or even understanding. She would have panic attacks rarely, I only saw 1 and it was short. Nothing ever seemed out of control until recently, and now she won't get through a week without having a 'bad day' where she cant do anything, constantly on the verge of balling her eyes out, and unfortunately self harming. This is all made worse by alcohol, which she says helps, which it might short term but not in the long run. She is on anti-depressants, smokes weed regularly, however she eats relatively healthy.

    When she is having a bad day I can't even talk to her because she just cries the second I talk, which then turns into LOUD wailing and ramblings of suicidal thoughts, followed by hyperventilating and tensing up. It's very stressful for me, but I do my best to comfort her, nothing seems to help, she eventually will calm down after a few hours but doesn't recover for a day or 2.

    I can't barely get any information about it from her as talking about it sets her off. I know she had a traumatic childhood but she has talked about that fine, and has a good relationship with her mother. I suggest seeing a psychologist but she says it's a waste of money and refuses. She isn't realistic when she is like this and denies any help from professionals.

    She thinks it might be PTSD/BPD, I agree... but I just don't know what to do, if she won't accept help from me or anyone what are my options? Is it bad to tell her mother? I know she wouldn't want me to but I'm out of ideas. When she is having a good day she thinks she doesn't need to see a doctor and that everything is fine.

    Just needed to vent a bit I think, but ANY advice is greatly appreciated. I'm afraid one day I will come home and she will be dead, and I will wish I did more to help. Has anyone been in a similar position?

    Sorry for the long thread, I love this girl and I'm determined to see her happy!

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6133 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Dan H
    Hi Dan H,

    Welcome to our friendly online community. We're really sorry to hear that your girlfriend is in a dark place at the moment. We think she is really lucky to have such a caring partner. It sounds like you are trying everything you can to support her.

    You might find some helpful advice on our pages "Worried about someone suicidal"  and "Self harm and self injury". The latter contains some ideas for less harmful management strategies for people who self harm.

    It does sound as though your girlfriend really needs some mental health support. You may be able to suggest to her the option of contacting a helpline, such as Lifeline when she is becoming overwhelmed. Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. You can call them 24/7 on 13 11 14, or chat with them online 7pm-midnight AEDT -

    You are also welcome to contact them for support if you need it yourself. It can be really tough caring for others.

    The forums are not a form of immediate support, but hopefully a few of our members will be by over the next few days to welcome you. You might also be interested in reading some of the threads in our "Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition" section of the forums. 

    IWOLFI avatar
    4 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to Dan H

    Dan I related so much to your post, so thank you for sharing.

    Your GF sounds similar mine and I feel your pain.

    I’m here looking for advice and help myself so don’t have much to offer, but wanted to connect to let you know there are other out here like you going through the same things. It helped me to know that so maybe it will give you some comfort also.

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