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Topic: Am I doing the right thing

20 posts, 0 answered
  1. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    13 November 2020
    November 2020
    I was seeing this amazing lady where it was instant attraction for the both of us. She has met my kids and has always been calm around them and myself. She got unwell run down and also her daughter gave birth 13weeks early which was very stressful.
    she has since been diagnosed with bi polar on medication but has blocked me on the phone . I have sent her flowers which she has replied and said thankyou but then blocks me again. I am deeply in love with her and before diagnosed she said she loved me. I text her every morning and night to say goodnight good morning. Is this too much??
    I haven’t seen her in a month and a half and I only hear from her in text maybe once a week. I find this very hard to deal with as the way I feel for her, Am I being to pushy or harassing her too much??
    thankyou in advance for your help
  2. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    352 posts
    13 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Hi just don't know,

    Welcome to the forums. This sounds like a heartbreaking, confusing, and upsetting scenario all around. Finding someone we get on with, who is good with our family, and who we love is a rare thing and I can see that you are truly invested in this relationship. I think it might be good for both of you for you to tell her that you will give her all the space/time she needs, and that even if she doesn't hear from you every day you are still thinking of her and will be there for her.

    Of course no one can wait forever, but it sounds like this woman has had a very difficult experience and being newly diagnosed with a mental illness can be really disorienting. Be patient, make it clear that you're there for her, and do your best to give her a bit of space. She may just not be able to dedicate the mental and emotional energy that you might want from her at this point. She is very lucky to have a partner who is thoughtful enough to seek advice about this. It's clear that you're a very caring person.

    Warmly,

    Gems

    1 person found this helpful
  3. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    13 November 2020 in reply to uncut_gems

    Thankyou gems

    I know she opens my messages and then blocks me again straight away. I just want to know she is ok.

    I’d love to be by her side helping her I guess I just have to try not to message her which is going to be extremely hard for me

    1 person found this helpful
  4. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1600 posts
    13 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Hi.

    lt's heartbreaking to have those kinda feelings yet he or she has done this , l know. Just my 2 cents though would be that she knows well and truly by now there'd be no doubts , she's read all your stuff and knows your support. l'd be thinking it's time now to let things lie for for awhile now, just give her some space to sort through her thoughts and feelings. l'd also think from here that if you've now disappeared for awhile it'll make her think about you both and in honesty about what she wants to do with it, it'll sped things up bc she won't know if you'll be back or not and l think that might be a prod she needs about now if she is gonna be wanting to return and regretting things.

    Just my thoughts , but good luck . rx

    1 person found this helpful
  5. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    13 November 2020 in reply to randomx

    Thanks random, I did send her a message saying I was going to try stop messaging give her space but I am here if she needs me and will be when she is ready.

    I just hope she still feels the same way.

    3 people found this helpful
  6. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    14 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know
    This hardest thing I find about this is that I feel like I’m abandoning her by not messaging her asking how she is or saying goodnight. I do realise she has a lot going on it’s just very upsetting to me.
  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1600 posts
    14 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Of course man , wish l knew how that would pan out but l'd be thinking she needs her space moreso now, mind you , l could be wrong and l get exactly what your getting at in being there for her.

    Hopefully someone drops in that has even maybe been her , at some stage or something like and they can suggest from experience what she might need right now.

    Just wondering , do you think she was into it and you , as you were her and this , or ? bc l'd be thinking that's the key . like if she was then hopefully once she's had some time she'll wanna be back just as much as you and this isn't about you guys but hr own things going on atm . But if something wasn't quite there for her in you guys then probably not .

    Good luck anyway. rx

  8. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    15 November 2020 in reply to randomx
    I don’t know random, she said before that she loved me and about 3 weeks ago that she missed me.
    Her daughter told me a while ago that if she said that she loved me then she does, she isn’t one to throw the word around.
  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1600 posts
    16 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Yeah remember reading that but what l'm wondering, was there more than words, was she acting like a woman crazy in love feeling like a woman in love - or was she feeling like she wasn't quite in it and what have you . You know sometimes a person or couple say this stuff but they aren't really showing it. Point is if she wasn't then it might've been a bit lacking and in that case her backing away could stay that way is what l'm getting at. But if she was , then hopefully it iss all just about the stuff going on atm .

  10. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to randomx
    Yeah I understand, I do hope it’s all about what’s going on now. It would be devastating for it to all turn a 180 now.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to randomx
    I have also been doing a lot of study on the illness and it a very common thing for the person with the illness to pull away and not communicate with anybody. It also says be patient give it time but also send messages of support.
    One thing I m not very good at is patients so I have a lot of learning to do also
    1 person found this helpful
  12. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    352 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Hi JDK,

    Apologies for the delay– I'm not sure how I missed these responses but I totally agree with randomx– sounds like you've done all you can and it's time to lay low for a bit. I know it's painful, and frustrating, and confusing, but I think this is your best move at the moment. I would have faith in your partner and what her daughter told you, and just trust that your connection is strong enough to ride out this turmoil. As I said before, she is lucky to have someone who puts in the effort to educate themselves about this and seek advice here on the forums. That alone speaks volumes about your character.

    We're here for you. Have you had any contact with anyone else in her family since she's been unwell? Any updates?

    Hang in there!

    Gems

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Sweesoft
    Sweesoft avatar
    23 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to uncut_gems

    Hi,

    Sounds like she needs space. If she wants to talk to you or see you, she would. Don't make yourself available all the time for her. She'd realize what your presence means through your absence.

    2 people found this helpful
  14. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to uncut_gems

    Thanks for your help,

    I haven’t spoken to any of the family since before she was diagnosed unfortunately

  15. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Sweesoft
    I am trying sweesoft I just find it very hard for myself not to send a text of love or encouragement to her, I must check my phone at least 200 times a day to she if she has opened the message. I really have to learn patients, I am getting better but still struggling with sending messages.
  16. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    19 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    I have some great news, I have spoken to my special lady and are meeting up over weekend.

    thanks to everybody’s help I really appreciate it

  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1600 posts
    19 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Ahh that's great . Good luck on the wkend.

  18. I just don’t know
    I just don’t know avatar
    14 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to randomx

    Thanks random,

    she said she had pushed me away as she had fallen in love with me and didn’t want to hurt me.

  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1600 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to I just don’t know

    Fantastic , the kinds of reasons ya hope something like this happens eh. And that she explained why properly rather than all blurry and all over the place , really great sign.

  20. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    352 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to randomx
    Totally agree, randomx. Glad to hear things are looking up JDK. Enjoy the weekend.

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