So my problem is that I am currently here in Australia, while my boyfriend is at home in Germany. He‘s always shown depressive tendencies (constantly tired, lacking in drive/motivation), but I never took it too seriously, because he also suffers from ADD.
We used to have a really loving, close relationship, even after I started my time abroad. However, the past two months his behaviour changed and we seemed to fight about the same topic over and over: He had stopped putting in the effort he used to put in, I constantly had to fight for affection of any kind, I felt like he had lost interest in what I told him and me in general.
After he came back from an exchange a few weeks ago we were about to fight about this again, because he was really distant. He didn‘t want to talk on the phone. He read my messages, but took several hours to reply (extremely short and unaffectionate). He didn‘t say "I love you“ back when I said it.
After a few days I was really angry and hurt and asked him if he was aware that he was treating me really badly. It was only then that he finally told me what was going on: he seemed to have a depressive episode (he‘s not diagnosed that‘s why I‘m not saying he‘s actually suffering from depression). He said that he hates his life, all he can feel is pain, hate, sadness and anger. When I asked him if anyone knows about it he said no and that nobody could understand him anyway. That all of this would never end anyway. He even said that he is questioning his faith (we‘re both christian) which he has never said before. I asked him how he wants me to behave towards him and he said that he needs time to himself now to figure everything out, because he doesn‘t know what to do anymore. I told him that I am always there for him if he wants to talk, but that I’ll give him space. We‘ve hardly been in contact since.
I‘m so worried about him, I want to be there for him, but he pushes me away. He needs help, but he doesn‘t want any. I‘m so far away from him and can‘t really do anything. I don’t know what our relationship is now. I respect that he needs time, but I‘m really hurt. I have my own mental health issues (more or less recovered ed) that have become worse again.
I‘ll be home in four weeks, but I‘m afraid that that‘s too long. I‘m not sure if I should tell his mother or our youth pastor, because if he finds out I told them he will be angry at me I think (understandable in a way).
Sorry, I know this is really confusing