A ticklish situation.
Re: "I want to leave but I live with the threat that he will get worse and possibly kill himself if I do that"
I'm addressing this first because you are not responsible for others actions.
In general conflict resolution can be improved by reading the first post of this thread
Beyondblue Topic relationship strife? the peace pipe
My mother I believe has BPD (in denial) and she had a difficult childhood with bipolar in her family.
Your husband needs anger management advice and counseling but, if he wont then how serious is he in finding solutions? Abuse is a tough word
Beyondblue Topic the definition of abuse
Family judgement on someones fiagnosis amuses me. 15 years or more training psychiatrists dont diagnose lightly yet untrained family seem to know better.
Suffice to say if your husband is not listening to you as a priority then he is not serving the marriage well.
You say you are in danger. Are you going to wait for danger to arrive? At this point, you might be wise to reconsider your position and I dont often say that, but in danger is a position you should not endure unless your husband answers some serious questions to your liking. Eg his promise to never hurt you physically. To remain loyal to you. To trust doctors advice and diagnosis and so on.
If not answered satisfactorily then you must be brave.