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Topic: Denial, why?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9391 posts
    9 December 2017

    Many partners of someone with an undiagnosed mental illness visit this forum.

    Many carers of diagnosed sufferers visit also that dont take medication prescribed and/or discontinue with their treatment.

    Both these groups decide to reject help. This usually places pressure on the partner, family and friends. Life isnt fair, but it can be unfairer than what it could be.

    Why do these people reject treatment?. The common reasons are- medication side effects, attending visits to professional medical people and stigma. There is also...denial!

    Medication- I tried 12 meds before I found one that worked for me. Some people try 2 or 3 and thats it. It takes a level of commitment to accomplish a good result. It takes time for meds to work fully then wean off them to try another and so on.

    It takes empathy to their carer of their suffering.

    With someone in denial, to be fair, they might not have a mental illness. Often partners find them odd in behaviour but that isnt enough to confirm a MI. Its hurtful for anyone to accuse another "you have something wrong with you".

    How best to approach denial? Calm, quietly spoken, mentioning that ones behaviour is effecting your relationship. That you dont want the partnership imploding. That you will accompany him/her to the GP for a talk.

    I changed doctors once. He asked me what I had. "Bipolar, depression, dysthymia and anxiety..." He looked at my wife and said "how are you coping".

    Thats how a good GP assessed it. That he knew how difficult it would be to cope with me.

    Denial can be seen as a selfish act, even stubborness. Although this could be true, it isnt helpful to lay such claims in an arguementive way.

    Once you have suggested getting help a number of times with a flat refusal, there is one idea I have...go yourself. Attend your GP and discuss the problem. You can attend a counselor to learn how to cope with your partners moods, outbursts, excess sleep, social withdrawal etc.

    Your partner will want to know why you are attending. Your answer could be "Im learning to cope with us, living in a relationship where there are serious problems. Under no circumstances should you discuss the discussions between you and your counselor nor mention MI. If he/she wants to contribute they can attend the next appointment. No one can get treatment otherwise.

    Unfortunately, denial, in its final form can lead to separation. But, that isnt your doing. The above actions should relieve you of responsibility.

    You've done your best

    Tony WK

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Bethie
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bethie avatar
    326 posts
    4 January 2018 in reply to white knight

    Hi

    On one of my used to be frequent trips to the Phyc ward with my husband I was lucky. They asked me about my husband and his background then asked how I was coping. I tried my best to brush them of by saying I was medicated and would deal with a breakdown once my husband was ok. The sister put her foot down and pointed to my son asleep in the next room and told me you will deal with it now if not for you for your husband and son. That started my journey here at BB and in turn stopped me nagging at my husband so he in turn takes his medication now because I don't behave like a right cow anymore. He's seen the difference in me and well truth be told I was told by his GP it was ok to crush his meds into his cup of tea for him to take. Fast forward a few weeks and he now takes them willingly because he knows they work. Around a week in I told him what I was doing

  3. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2457 posts
    4 January 2018 in reply to Bethie
    I agree with the suggestion of seeing a counsellor. I initially started seeing one after struggling to cope after my son became MI. Denial wasn't an issue but it was bad enough with him acknowledging he had a problem. Since this time I've continued seeing a psych both for my own MH issues as well as dealing with my son & now caring for my husband. My husband has a degenerative disease not a MI but it is still stressful with some of the same issues such as when to encourage/pressure them into doing things essential for their wellbeing or stopping them from doing things which you know is harmful & when should I let things go knowing I will have to cope with the consequence.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9391 posts
    4 January 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Bethie

    Wll you got a result. Thats good.

    Elizabeth

    Its seems its a balancing act for you

    I know at times I'm unapproachable. I wrote the following thread about how to approach men. You seem to be doing ok though. I admire you.

    Topic: talking to men, some tips- beyondblue

    Tony WK

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