Thankyou for taking the time to reply.
Between yourself and Geoff, you have provided me some very insightful information.
It turns out I may be lacking largely in my knowledge towards depression.
What you have described between the alternate realities very much hits home. This is exactly what happens and he then can not see when anything good has ever happened and feels as though everyone would be better of without him.
I can see when it starts to happen most of the time, however there is definitely times in the heat of the moment it doesn't register with me and I'll continue to ask things that will make the situation worse.
He really struggles when he is feeling as he is to put into words how he feels. He isn't able to tell me if he is overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated. (When he isn't down he can) the normal cycle for us is once he comes back out of a really bad low, it pretty much pretend it doesn't happen and enjoy the good times. He tends to feel embarrassed by it and as though the has disappointed me.
His mum also suffers from depression and my understanding is she has had it since he was born and looks at things from a different perspective ( calls it being devil's advocate).
He has mentioned to me also that he wonders if he may have asperges.
Between yourself and Geoff you have both given me more understanding than I have ever had and I will be forever greatfull.
You have both provided me with information that has given me the opportunity to speak with my husband this morning not in the way I would normally address it.
I was able to approach him and rather than come across like I was interigating him. I was able to provide him love and understanding. He was able to tell me that he can't feel any of it at the moment and he can't see past the bad things.
I provided reassurance all day with no expectations and when he got home from work asked him for permission to sit with him and just tell him good memories to try and focus on.
By the time we went to bed (separately as h doesn't feel as though he deserves a bed) it was just a little bit better than the night before.
It's really hard to not take on the blaming myself that it is my fault and I know when I do it makes him worse.
And this morning he was able to come to me and ask if he could lay with me and just broke down. Small steps.
thanks again to you both for the perspective and a better understanding.