I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 years. A year and a half ago a relative of his became ill and he moved to the UK to care for him.
During this time he has developed depression and anxiety. He has returned to Australia to see a doctor but doesn’t want to take the medication that they have prescribed.
I have been very unhappy since he left as I never agreed or wanted to have a log distance relationship and he has never asked how I felt about it or considered my feelings or our life together. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way because he has a lot to deal with.
He has been home for 3 days and is struggling. He doesn’t tell me how he is feeling and uses drinking to cope. I’ve spent the whole time he’s been here trying to support him and helping him get settled. Since His return was quite last minute, I had tickets to go out last night with some friends. I asked him if he would like me to stay home with him instead and he repeatedly told me no, until I was about to go and he messaged me saying that he couldn’t believe that I would go out when I knew he was struggling (with a few swear words and names included). Since I wanted to support him I left and spent the night with him.
Since then he has been distant and told me that all I do is belittle him (I think because I have encouraged him to take his medication), that he is happier in England and that all I do is make everything about me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t really have a relationship with him anymore, I’ve been really unhappy in this relationship with him living overseas and since he has come back things are even worse. I don’t know if I can deal with it, I am so unhappy. I feel as if I haven’t received anything from this relationship in almost 2 years. Is this because of his depression? Will things ever get better? Am I being unreasonable?
Or is staying in this relationship a lost cause? It’s just really hard because this is a complicated situation. He tells me that when he is distant or explodes it is because of his depression, yet he doesn’t apologise or try to be in this relationship with me. Is this true? How do you tell what is him and what is his mental illness?
Sorry for the rant.