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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness

Topic: Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nic B
    Nic B avatar
    1 posts
    26 May 2020

    My husband refuses to get help, I don’t know what to do for him.

    He has decided that me and the kids are the reason we are unhappy (quoted a bunch of contradictory reasons). He won’t be happy until he gets away from us. He said he has been googling how to kill himself so it’s either one or the other.

    He acknowledges he is depressed but refuses to seek help of any kind. He has ‘no intention of talking about it to anyone and ‘no intention if going on any drugs so what’s the point of seeing the doctor.’

    I love my husband and have been blindsided by this because I had thought we had been doing much better lately. I was feeling happier and I thought he was too.

    Please someone, if you have been through this and come out the other side, what did you do? How can I help him?

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    2551 posts
    26 May 2020 in reply to Nic B
    Hi Nic B,

    Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us today. We're sorry to hear about your struggles. We're sure our helpful online forums community will be along soon with a lot of advice, support and conversation.

    In the meantime, you might find it helpful to reach out to our support service anytime day or night on 1300 22 4636 or through webchat (3pm-midnight AEST) or email via https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support. Relationships Australia is another resource you may find helpful. Further information and contact details can be found here: https://www.relationships.org.au/

    Please keep checking in and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    3894 posts
    26 May 2020 in reply to Nic B

    Hi Nic B - I feel for you in your current situation. (welcome to beyond blue btw.) It is obvious you care for your husband very much and that depression has skewed his views of the relationship(s).

    Firstly, if you do a google search for...

    husband refuses help for depression beyond blue

    you will find other people in similar positions to you, the responses received and what they might have done as well. Unfortunately there are many stories.

    as much as I could say that my father was similar your husband that was so far as talking to someone and at that time I was seeing a psychologist. I spent a day a week at their place and would tell them about the sessions I had, And one day he worked out he needed to talk to someone. I was never overt in telling him what to do.

    The main thing for you though is to look after yourself as well as it can indirectly affect you - my mother found this out. Talk to your friends if it helps. Get professional help for yourself if you think it would help. It is hard to convince someone to do something they don't want to do.

    One thing I can say is that you are certainly not to blame for anything going wrong. The mind plays games with us (read 'me') when we feel low - we might project our thoughts/feelings at the family in irritability, frustration, anger.

    Hope some of this makes sense,

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful

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