Hello LunaTree, and a warm welcome to you.
I'm sorry that it has hidden away from you because BP has shifts in mood, up and down levels which you may not understand why these happen even though you are a health professional, please don't blame yourself.
While I don't know much about BP I realise that you should go and see your own doctor for treatment because it's not possible to keep on pretending, it becomes too exhausting and this will also affect how you feel.
Can I suggest you click on 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order' which can be done by contacting BB, it's a booklet on depression and explains what to do and how to help etc.
You could also ring the BB phone number for information and there is also is a list of doctors also on 'Get Support' who specifically deal with mental illness.
Please, I urge you to look after yourself.