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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Life is a lot and I feel like I'm powerless

Topic: Life is a lot and I feel like I'm powerless

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. LTsMum
    LTsMum avatar
    1 posts
    9 October 2019

    Hi All. Please forgive the emotional tone of this post, I'm just at a lost and don't have a lot of support around me.

    I am a full time working mother of a 3yo whose husband suffers anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic who is in the beginning stages of his second recovery journey this year.

    We are a single income family, I have no choice other than to go to work so that I can pay the bill and keep a roof over our heads. On top of that, I'm also picking up the pieces at home in terms of the housework, meals and so on because my husband isn't in the place to do it. My day starts at 5am, at work at 8am, home by 5pm and by the time I get everything done at home, bed by 10:30pm. My husband often goes to bed when I get home, so I don't really have anyone to talk to at night, I eat alone, I find myself lonely at times.

    I don't have much of a support network, my parents are in their late 70's, his mother is too upset by her sons health to help or provide support, most of our mutual friends have dropped off as they have had enough of my husbands erratic behavior when he calls. I don't have time to see my own friends because I am busy doing everything around the house and for my child.

    I'm frustrated and feel like my entire life revolves around my husbands state of health. There just doesn't seem to be any room for me, my thoughts or needs. It just seems like I'm running from one crisis point to another with no time to recover from the last. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. Aaronsis
    Aaronsis avatar
    160 posts
    9 October 2019 in reply to LTsMum

    Hello LTsMum

    Please do not apologise for being emotional, you sure do sound like you have a lot on your plate and you are so very very busy with no support. It is so wonderful that you have reached out and shared your frustrations and concerns here, there are so many caring and wonderful people that you will be able to get some advice and some hope from.

    You are doing so very well to be able to manage a full time job and look after your son and your husband, that is outstanding but I can see why you are feeling so very drained and frustrated too. I am sorry that your family are not there to support you and I am wondering even if you have one close friend you can call on to perhaps come over even one night a week to have a coffee and give you some conversation time? Alternatively is there one friend that you could stop in after work with your son and share a quick meal with and have some relief from your stressful daily routine?

    Please don't feel like you have to share your husbands journey but I am wondering if he is getting the support he needs to get his life on track so as he can reconnect with you and with your son and therefore take some of the load back off you and be part of the family again? I think this could be challenging for you if you feel like he is not doing enough in his recovery to be able to in future support you and your family.

    I hear what you are saying and that there is no time for you and you are so very right, there isn't anytime for you and that is also not helpful to your metal health, it is so very important to make some time for yourself. Is it an option to speak to your boss and perhaps leave 2 hours earlier one day, which might enable you to do something that you enjoy, or go to a hairdresser and have a shampoo or do something that is for you and makes you feel good.

    I am so glad you have reached out and there will be lots of people here to talk to and that will support you too.

    Hug to you LTsMum and I hope that something of what I have offered is helpful.

    AS

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    7398 posts
    10 October 2019 in reply to LTsMum

    Dear LTsMum~

    I'd like to join Aaronsis in welcoming you here. You are right in that you are the whole household, wiht all the weight on your shoulders, and that's no way to be. Not if there is no light on the horizon.

    I know it can seem inevitable that someone with depression, anxiety and an alcohol problems needs extra care. OK that's true, however it should not be all coming from you.

    May I ask what steps your husband is taking to try to overcome these illnesses. As someone who has had bouts of depression and anxiety I know there is a temptation to leave it all up to others and hope some sort of meds will make things better.

    Medical help is needed, and specialist help (or a support group) for the alcohol. This means your husband has to try to work alongside them. You have not mentioned he is doing this, could you say what the situation is?

    I can't say I was anything like easy to live with but did know I was doing harm and did try.

    Aaronsis is right you need 'me' thngs. I realize you parents are getting on, but could they look after their granddaughter for a while so you can do something for you -from a hairdo as suggested, to gym time, to whatever you might like?

    Croix

  4. Crunchypear23
    Crunchypear23 avatar
    1 posts
    18 October 2019
    Hi LTsMum

    Firstly, I hope you're doing okay. I feel for you because you're in the very situation that I'm scared my future will result in.

    My long-time partner has developed anxiety over this past year. It came about after I moved interstate (a move we'd both been planning to do, I just ended up finding work first). It has become so bad he's left his job and is living back at home with family. Meanwhile I'm in a different state trying to help him through it long distance and wondering if he'll ever be able to join me here and whether I'm prepared to take this on for the rest of my life.

    My partner is getting help. He thinks this will be the worst of it but I'm not sure. We don't yet have the stressors of a mortgage and children.

    While we both have supportive families and friends, I don't feel right relying on them. Even now, telling my friends about this makes me feel that I am burdening them, and as is human nature, they give their own opinions and suggestions about the situation - which doesn't always help

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