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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / My (very recent) depressed ex wants me to live with her as friends

Topic: My (very recent) depressed ex wants me to live with her as friends

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Taylah96
    Taylah96 avatar
    12 posts
    8 July 2021

    A few days ago my ex really spiralled with her mental health, and started shutting everyone out, including me. This happened after an argument, and it felt like she hated me. I finally got a hold of her the next day (we bought a house together and I stayed at my parents house), and she told me to come back to the house to meet her. I did, and she told me she can't do a relationship right now, that the depression is taking up all her energy and she isn't capable of supporting someone else's needs. She said it wasn't my fault and that maybe in the future we can get back together.

    Obviously this hurt a lot, but I love her unconditionally and gave her the space she needed. Fast forward to the next day, my mum calls me and says that my ex would like me to live with her as friends, and that she doesn't want to leave the house. This is where I'm torn, I'd do anything to get her back, but knowing that this may be a cry for help and the fact that there is a chance I could help her get through this, even if it means putting her feelings first, makes me want to do it. I think I'll regret it if I don't try.

    Any feedback or opinions would be greatly appreciated

  2. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Taylah96

    G'day Taylah9,

    Sounds like you already know what to you want to do. Friendship is important.

    Is you partner open to seeking help with her spiraling mental health?

    Good luck.

  3. Taylah96
    Taylah96 avatar
    12 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    david'n'goliath said:

    G'day Taylah9,

    Sounds like you already know what to you want to do. Friendship is important.

    Is you partner open to seeking help with her spiraling mental health?

    Good luck.

    Hi David,

    Yes she is seeking help as we speak, she's on a waiting list. I'm also going to try encourage her to seek any help online in the meantime. Our families have grown very close due to our relationship, so she definitely has support. I guess I'm just confused as to why she is seeking me out. I'm scared that I'm going to get my hopes up that we'll rekindle things.

  4. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Taylah96

    Hi Taylah,

    I'm thinking that as you two have a house/home together and a friendship that moving back in as friends is a pretty cool option.

    She's setting boundaries, welcome that and engage on her terms, remembering your needs too and negotiate where needed.

    My wife moved out of our bedroom because of my sleep apnea/snoring, so our flame kinda died for a while, but we always cared about each other and are still together.

    Mental health crises changes things for sufferers and supporters, roll with the punches as it were but stay in the ring.

  5. Taylah96
    Taylah96 avatar
    12 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Thank you, I think it's going to suck for a start, it's gonna be hard trying to only treat her as a friend. But I guess I gotta try what I can, especially if it helps her out
  6. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Taylah96
    Yeh that change from intimate partner to friend wasn't such a big change for us, I mean sex is like 45 minutes right? lol, So compare that to being friends 24/7, the friendship part is actually the bigger component of the relationship.
  7. Taylah96
    Taylah96 avatar
    12 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I never thought about it that way lol. Yeah, I guess you have a point there.

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