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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / My girlfriend has depression but why am I suffering too?....

Topic: My girlfriend has depression but why am I suffering too?....

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Titch.Mai
    Titch.Mai avatar
    2 posts
    21 June 2018

    Hi there,

    My GF and I have been together for only a short while and she suffers from depression. Sometimes I feel helpless during periods in which she suffers the most. She tells me I just don't understand. I know that I don't completely understand what is going through her mind but I too feel extremely lost myself when I am there comforting her.

    I know she loves me which is reciprocated on a daily basis however I tend to do things that may sometimes trigger her emotions. Sometimes I feel depleted and mentally drained. And it probably isn't healthy for either of us but I love this girl. When I'm with her my bad thoughts and suffering seem to fade away but sometimes without meaning to I am the onset of such emotions. Is that selfish of me?

    I spend my day filled with a busy schedule as I feel safe from deep thoughts and I spend every other moment with my GF. But by the end of the day I am usually spent and am exhausted. I feel like she thinks I don't provide enough love towards her. I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect but I'm always trying to be there for her.

    I feel like it also doesn't help that she is constantly having arguments with her family and that she only sees the bright side of my family.

    I wish I could just talk to her about it all but it just feels too sensitive considering that she is the one suffering from depression and I'm just lost. I love her so much but I feel like I'm no support...

    I honestly didn't know what to write and whether any of you can comprehend what I meant by this but I really needed to vent how I really feel. I hope someone understands what I mean and can give me some friendly advice as I just wish to help her without throwing my thoughts under the rug.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15561 posts
    21 June 2018 in reply to Titch.Mai

    Hello Guest_5649, welcome again as I had written out my reply but touched something on this XP laptop and it disappeared, my main laptop is being repaired.

    Trying to help someone with depression when it could be the start for you to fall into this illness is never easy, that's not your fault so don't blame yourself, perhaps it could be that you're not strong enough to know what to do or how to help your GF.

    Can I suggest that you see your doctor who may prescribe medication to you and refer you onto a psychologist.

    This can be done with a mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 free sessions, they will be able to teach you how to become stronger, so you can help your GF.

    The same suggestion implies with your GF and can offer to go with her, she may need your support.

    This reply is short I'm sorry to say as I'm not sure what this computer will do with my big fingers.

    Please get back to us.

    Geoff.

  3. Titch.Mai
    Titch.Mai avatar
    2 posts
    21 June 2018 in reply to geoff
    Thanks for the advice. I have found previously a couple of coping strategies to take my mind away for unhappy thoughts and she too also became a way. I am happy when I’m with her and I am distracted from such thoughts but when she gets upset it hurts me too as I can’t think straight again...
  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10556 posts
    21 June 2018 in reply to Titch.Mai

    Dear Titch.Mai~

    Loving someone who has depression is not easy, and if you have not been unlucky enough to have had it yourself you are not going to know exactly how your GF feels.

    My wife had never had the condition and had to try to look after me. After an initial period when she tended to blame herself she was able to do an awful lot. Unfortunately for her I was not always consistent, For example might one day react wiht resentment for something simple like being asked if I was OK, and another time would really appreciate it. Trial and error was hte basic answer.

    I guess encouraging your GF to seek medical help - if she does not have it already - is the most important thing. After that listening and being there for her are important too. At a good time when she is not in distress you can of course ask her what she needs.

    It is also OK to realize you are not going to be able to fix everything for her and that if you make a mistake it is not the end of the world.

    Being an affectionate, stable, calm and supportive presence is as much as anyone can do

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful

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