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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / parents of children with Borderline Personality Disorder

Topic: parents of children with Borderline Personality Disorder

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ollie999
    Ollie999 avatar
    2 posts
    28 October 2017

    Hi I just joined and want to know if there are any parents in the community of children with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    My 18yo daughter has had many many years of mental health issues and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is currently medicated. I’m fairly sure that she has BPD after reading extensively about it. I know it’s dangerous to make a diagnosis without medical opinion but the symptoms of BPD match. The best way I can describe it is that she is like a tornado that creates drama wherever she goes and, in her eyes, it’s always everyone else’s fault.

    Anyway she has just moved back home after wearing her welcome out somewhere else. Basically she physically assaulted someone she was living with so she is no longer welcome. She has been back at mine for less than 48 hours and already I’m a nervous wreck and really feel as though I cannot have her living here.

    As that a valid feeling to have as a mother?

    2 people found this helpful
  2. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
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    demonblaster avatar
    7666 posts
    28 October 2017 in reply to Ollie999
    Understandable Ollie, very hard

    I don't know much at all about BPD but this will bump this

    Talk as much as you like
    listening
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    28 October 2017 in reply to Ollie999

    Hey Ollie,

    No you are not alone there are many parents here that have children with BPD.

    Your feelings are very natural and completely understandable. Firstly you need to get the best provisional help you can,from my understanding only a psychologist can diagnose but the referrals from others can assist with the diagnosis.

    My story short, My daughter is now 19. She was always a hard child,very sensitive,smart, beautiful,jealous, As a teenager, she self harmed, did not back down,fights all the time.

    We moved away 40min from big town, private school,they all loved her,vice captain, almost ducks of school, boyfriend huge problems,ambo called twice.

    finally doing courses at private hospital,deferred uni until next year and is working as a disability worker and loving it. She has been out of home for roughly 4mths and our relationship has been the best ever.

    I have had to let her learn her own mistakes cause 1 you can't tell her unless she asks,a no for our own small amount of life we have left inside for all the crap endured.

    We are now all growing.

    Hope this helps,ask away.

    Dory,

    Thanks for being so honest, that's gold.👍🏻

    4 people found this helpful
  4. Ollie999
    Ollie999 avatar
    2 posts
    28 October 2017 in reply to Guest_128

    Our relationship has always been bad. I often question does she has issues because I didn’t bond with her or did I not bond because she had issues. She was a terrible baby. Had separation anxiety, terrible tantrums and just had a mind of our own. She has flight or fight syndrome so if someone upsets her she will either physically attack them or flee the situation. She now has a car so this worries me greatly. Often we don’t know where she has gone. We have also had situations where ambulances have been called. She self harmed from about the age of 12 to 16.

    She was my first born and I did not want any other children after having her. Thank god her younger sister was an accident but has been an absolute joy to mother.

    She moved out into her 16yo boyfriends house with his younger siblings and father. I was not happy with the situation but there was not much I could do about it. The last 6 months of her not living here have been wonderful and I have been able to give her younger sister the attention she deserves. I also had a good relationship with her since she wasn’t living here.

    Now she is not welcome around at her boyfriends house and she has kind of moved back with me. Insists her boyfriend must move in too as she states she can’t be without him. This is not an option for me as my home is my quiet, calm place and I do not want anyone else living here. I don’t even want her living here. I feel like my life has been hell being her monthly and it’s never going to end.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7666 posts
    29 October 2017 in reply to Ollie999
    IT's your right Ollie to lay down the rules if she lives home again & if you don't want the bf fair enough.

    Feel for you, hard very hard situation. Sounds like she's gunna have to toe the line
  6. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    29 October 2017 in reply to Ollie999

    Hi Ollie,

    I can feel your pain, I never thought it would get better, I couldn't explain myself to people about my daughter. I just want to express that this is very common but people just don't talk about it. I don't know you but I am so very proud of you seeking help.

    Do you have any support from her father,family,friends?

    I gave up along time ago cleaning up after my daughter, I am not a slave I am her mother. Therefore please don't do anything for your daughter and boyfriend, stand your ground it is your home your peace.

    If you could talk,write a letter explaining that it would be best for all if she and her boyfriend lived somewhere else.

    What peeves me is they can buy all the crap they want,drive a car ,vote, but they can't see what you are doing for them. What's right or wrong.

    Sometimes for your own sanity you have to say that's enough,and that's ok.

    It is so so draining, It is good you had some good time with your other daughter.

    What do you do just for you?

    Dory

    4 people found this helpful
  7. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9424 posts
    31 October 2017 in reply to Guest_128

    Hi ollie,

    Short story. Our mother caused a train wreck everywhere her whole life, a daily headline, violence, yelling, controversy, heart attack one month, going blind the next

    In the end after numerous family bust ups I read about BPD...yep fitted her to a T (no offence to sufferers that get treatment) but no matter what she wouldnt get treatment which left my suster and I in a quandry.

    7 years ago we broke off from our mother and its permanent. We saved our sanity.

    Now to you. She is 18. I was 17 years and 4 days old in 1973 when I joined the defence force ready to fight for my country. Men and women fought in Vietnam at 18yo. Im not lecturing you, Im suggesting that if she lived under my roof and wanted a certain lifestyle then her and her boyfriend can get jobs and rent a unit or bungalow. Lifestyle choice has responsibilities. Its not for other family members to pay a price.

    people around such unstable people suffer anxiety and depression as my sister and I do.

    You should not feel guilty laying down the rules. If its true love they will fight to get their own place but they need to work for it.

    While shes under your roof complying with seeing a doctor is part of the package.

    If she refuses any if this then she has made her decision.

    Google

    Topic: BPD mother made me an emotional basket case- beyondblue

    Topic: emotional blackmail- likely extreme BPD- beyondblue

    Queen witch hermit waif

    Topic: new member- brother with personality disorder- beyondblue

    Repost anytime

    Tony WK

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    31 October 2017 in reply to white knight

    Hey Smokie,😘

    As per normal I Thankyou for my words that I can't express properly.

    Now problem being ,

    How to get someone you love out of your house because it's to toxic?

    Hi Ollie,hope your ok,

    Dory

  9. Scared Mum 64
    Scared Mum 64 avatar
    1 posts
    3 January 2018 in reply to Ollie999
    I am living you exact nightmare, you are not alone
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Elle 1
    Elle 1 avatar
    1 posts
    10 January 2018 in reply to Ollie999

    Hi Ollie, my 22yo girl has been bad for 10 years, in and out of different homes due to her explosive episodes and general drama all the time. My family dissolved and she continues to drain me financially and emotionally.

    She is currently at home and has nowhere to go, and we have the police here regularly and disrupt the neighbours with screaming (not me!).

    Yesterday I was granted a family violence order so if she doesn't comply with reasonable behaviour she will be arrested. Let me say, this is the hardest thing I've had to do as a mother, but I have another daughter who suffers so I needed to do something. There's a lot of details of left out, so please understand this was the last resort for a desperate mum.

    Im interested to know if others have been through this and can advise if things ever get better? I'm at rock bottom now so things can only go up, but I do worry if she will ever be able to lead a normal life and be able to function independently.

    Good luck to all those parents living this daily nightmate and thanks for any advice.

    3 people found this helpful

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