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Topic: Partner lies about her drinking

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. archiebald
    archiebald avatar
    1 posts
    29 January 2022

    Hi,

    I’m new to this and this is the first time I’ve reached out for help as I don’t know what to do.
    My partner has a drinking problem and I don’t know what else to do. She is such a wonderful person when she’s not drinking, great mum to our small kids but is a totally different person when she drinks. She has been hiding her drinking from me, sneaking drinks during the day while looking after our kids and even when I’m home. I find empty bottles of wine all the time, and when I confront her she gets so angry at me, accusing me of spying on her. The arguement always then switches to my spying on her and not her drinking.
    She can also change from realising she has a problem, to then it’s not illegal so there’s no problem at all. She refuses to see that it’s a problem and I feel i can’t leave her as we have 2 small kids, I feel I could never leave her alone with them.
    I’m absolutely stuck for ideas, I understand it’s a disease and she needs to be the one to recognise this, but what do I do in the mean time for my own mental health and trying to protect my kids from this. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    29 January 2022 in reply to archiebald

    Hello Archiebald, it's not so much spying on her, although that's what it seems to be for her, it's your concern on why she needs to do this behind your back and be a cupboard drinker.

    I was also one of these drinkers when suffering from depression and didn't like any of my family searching hiding places, but now know it was out of concern as they weren't sure why I had to drink behind their back, but with my depression, no one seems to understand unless you're a trained professional.

    One drink to others is one too many and not addressing the cause but more so the action, 'you don't need another drink', that's why the alcohol is hidden we don't have to try and justify why.

    The only person who can decide to stop is the person who is drinking because any demands or 'pretty please' won't necessarily be enough to achieve this and if the person wants to open up and say why they drink will normally be disagreed with.

    Drinking may not mean there is a problem with the marriage but it may appear to the person who is watching this to be the case, but the reason why needs to be investigated by a professional.

    Someone in this position holds their reasons close to their heart because deep down there are reasons why this has happened and the alcohol seems to numb their feelings.

    I'd really like to continue this later on as I have something to do, I'm sorry, but will certainly get back to you, early in the morning.

    In hindsight, I understand your concern as I haven't had a drink for over two years.

    My Best.

    Geoff.

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