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can’t see psychologist anymore

Willoughby27
Community Member

I’ve been seeing a psychologist for 6 months, part of the oncology department at the hospital. The reason for this is that I was referred there for help with dealing with my partners cancer diagnosis.

While seeing this psychologist I experienced DV. There have been several incidents since, all of which have been discussed during appointments.

Now the time has come that I cannot see this psychologist anymore. My partner has recovered from cancer and the services are no longer available to me. Unfortunately, the domestic violence has continued.

I am actually devastated at the loss of support and am feeling quite depressed. I have been referred to the domestic violence support services and can pick up further counselling there but I am anxious at the thought of having to go over everything that has already happened again with someone new. I’m also extremely resistant to commit to “domestic violence support services” as I feel this puts me in a box, makes me a victim, makes it official that I have experienced DV.

I am emotionally exhausted and in the last week have begun to withdraw from my friends & family, ignoring texts & phone calls and staying home. I don’t think I can bring myself to go to my psychologists appointment later this week - it will most likely be the last one and I’m just not prepared for it.

I’ve attempted to see psychologists in the past but never met with one I felt I could continue with. This is the furthest I have ever gone in therapy & because of everything that’s happened during I guess I’ve really relied on it. I’m scared of how I’m going to feel once it’s taken away.

It was extremely hard for me to get this far - I’ve always avoided dealing with things and I’ve really had to push myself to keep going and to think and talk about everything that’s happened. Going to therapy was really helpful but it never made me feel good, in fact for a few days after I always felt quite introspective and sad but I figured this meant that it was working.

I’m sure that having to change psychologists is common and normal when ‘in therapy’ so why is it making me feel so bad? I feel like cancelling everything right now and just ignoring all my problems in the hope they’ll just go away. I’m trying to convince myself seeing a new counsellor isn’t ‘starting again’ but it isn’t working. I just feel like I don’t have the energy to start again.

2 Replies 2

Alexlisa
Community Member

Hi Willoughby,

It sounds like you’re going through a very difficult time. I’m glad you reached out here. Welcome ☺️

You’re right that changing psychologists is sometimes necessary, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I know it can feel like starting from the beginning, which is hard, and can feel like a real loss if it’s been a good relationship. It’s worth discussing your concerns with your psychologist, and asking (if you’re comfortable) if she’d be able to have a hand-over phone call with the new counsellor, so that they’ll already know some of what you’ve been working on. Then you won’t have to start over completely. Its pretty common for therapists to do this, with your permission.

I can hear your concern about starting with a domestic violence support service, but it might be worth having contact with them to see how they could help you, even if not for counselling. It sounds important that DV counselling be a priority in your situation because you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. In terms of being worried about being put in ‘that box’, I think that’s a really common feeling to have for someone in your position. Making that first move, admitting that there’s a real problem, is a hard first step and it makes you courageous, not a victim at all.

I was wondering if you’ve had any contact with 1800RESPECT? It’s the national domestic violence organisation and they offer 24 hour/day phone counselling on 1800 737 732 and also online chat support on their website. I think it would be a good idea to get in touch with them to have a talk about your options and concerns. Maybe if you were to have some counselling with them first it might be an easier step than going straight to the domestic violence service counsellor? 1800RESPECT will be able to give you information on a whole range of services and support you on making the decisions that are best for you. Please give it a think.

Also, in case you did want to get a separate psychologist, you can access 10 free sessions per year if you get a Mental Health Care Plan from your GP. I’m not sure, but it might be worth asking your GP and 1800RESPECT if there’s other funding you could access because you’re trying to get help for a domestic violence situation.

I hope this helps a little, I know it’s very hard, but you’re being incredibly brave just giving these issues some thought. Please don’t give up reaching out, there are people out there who want to help and are there if you ask.

Take care

Alexlisa

romantic_thi3f
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Willoughby27,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out and sharing what's going on with you.

Having to change counsellors is a pretty normal process but it makes total sense that you feel the way that you do. It sounds like you've worked so hard to be able to open up and click with your current psychologist and now it's like starting from scratch. In a sense it's kind of like a bit of grief and loss - for the psychologist, that time and being able to have that space where you felt comfortable enough.

One thing that might be worth considering is to have your current psychologist ring up the new one that you might be seeing. With your permission, she could let the new one know how things have been going for you and what you've been working on together. It might not seem like much, but at least then there's some sort of transition rather than a full blank slate.

I want to say too that I really don't like the idea of being a 'victim'. I think it puts people in a box of 'this is who you are and you need to be rescued', which isn't the case at all. You're going through DV, but that's not who you are, and you're still fully capable of being able to get yourself some help and support - in a way that's empowering and not demoralising.

I really encourage you to try the new one, even if it is for one session. Maybe it is starting again in a way, but I think the benefits of getting that help might far outweigh the benefits of ignoring things and hoping they'll go away.

Hope this helps