I know that you can improve. Anyone can. You can do this!
It’s about understanding and recognising the emotions and emotional states we humans experience. Not just happy, sad and mad. But insecurity, disappointment, resentment, irritably, being perplexed, love, jealousy, etc.
Then you need to able to put yourself in another person’s shoes to respond appropriately.
So, if I told you my dog was sick and I didn’t think I could make it to work even though I had to make a big presentation and it was causing me a lot of stress, how do you think I’d be feeling? What if you could hear me sniffling? Or, you saw tears in my eyes? How would you respond if I asked you for advice?
I’d be feeling sad, anxious and worried about my dog. I’d also be feeling guilty about missing work and concerned about letting the team down. I’d be feeling torn between my two responsibilities. What I’d really be seeking, even though I’d never say it, is permission from you to take the day off work and care for my dog.
So, imagine you said to me: “I know how much you love your dog. It’s okay, take the dog to the vet. Work can wait. You can give your presentation tomorrow.” You would give me comfort, reassurance and relief.
Then imagine you said, “I’m not working today, I’ll come and pick you up and drive you to the vet.”
Can you see how it works? Empathy, compassion, an act of kindness—and all of this builds a friendship. I would be grateful and appreciative. I would then be highly motivated to do something nice for you in the future.
Now, maybe you wouldn’t naturally be concerned about my dog and you might think I’m silly. But if you pushed through that to be kind I can guarantee you that you would feel good about yourself. It feels good to help other people. There is an immediate benefit to you.
Hope you can find the book.
Kind thoughts to you