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How to help paranoid schizophrenic father with his symptoms

2teray
Community Member

My dad was diagnosed over 30 years ago for the most part he has coped very well until 2 years ago when there was a change in his medication and since then he has been on and off his medication he was forcibly hospitalised about a year ago.

He doesn’t live local to me but he has a as well as can be expected care team who do their best.

He lives alone.

My request is for advice on how to talk to my dad about his paranoid thoughts the voices he hears and the firm beliefs that someone is coming into his home when he isn’t home.

I think I’m doing it all wrong. I need help.

he calls me 4 or 5 times a day sometimes I don’t take his call cos I just can’t I don’t know what to say.

He tells me whenever he finds new things in his flat phones clothes ladies products food rubbish

I suggested the ladies products were left there by his ex but she left 2 years ago so he’s convinced some lady is storing her things in his bathroom cabinet. I asked him to check the best before dates and sure enough they had 2015 on them but he then says someone has put the stuff in old bottles so you’ll think they are from a long time ago.

do I simply say nothing or ok or prompt reality checks or Just agree with him or what ?????

i can’t go to him because he can get so paranoid that he doesn’t believe I’m me at times also he waiting for the day he actually catches these “intruders” and if I’m there one day when he happens to not believe I’m me and maybe see me as an intruder we’ll it could be dangerous.

I have spoken with his case worker who says he sees dad weekly yet dad says he doesn’t case worker also says he’ll call me if there are any issues but doesn’t call I call him monthly when I can’t cope and ask for advice and he says leave it with him.

I need advice on how to talk with my dad. I try to change the topic but he doesn’t respond well to that either.

I even tried to say what if I said to him this or that was happening to me what would his advice be to me and believe it or not he changes and says the same things I have said to him maybe you forgot you put it there maybe you forgot to lock the door maybe you forgot you had those items. Then when I point out that it’s the same situation and ask why he doesn’t challenge his own thoughts the same way he says it’s different with me I know there are intruders coming in and out of here touching my things using my things bringing things in and storing them here.

I really need advice please

7 Replies 7

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello 2teray

I am sorry about the pain and anguish your dad is going through. I understand what you are going through as my older brother was also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when he was in his mid teens (1970's) and he rarely responded to me changing the topic when I was trying to care for him.

He has passed away since yet I was only in my mid teens and never understood the high levels of anxiety he was experiencing. Is your dad comfortable at home or does he go out and about? Excuse I for another question....(just trying to provide more effective support).....Are you doing okay ?

I hope your fathers case worker is communicating with you in a helpful and caring manner

even though we dont have instant messaging, you are not alone 2teray

my kind thoughts for you and your fathers well being

Paul

2teray
Community Member

Thank you so much Paul

i am so sorry for your loss.

My dad goes to the pub everyday he catches up with friends he will also go to different pubs to meet new people he can be very friendly he will go to shopping centres and try chatting to new people

I have researched many places for my dad to go to to give him things to do with his hands as well as his mind but he refuses to do any of it. He will complain about being bored but won’t try any of the places I’ve suggested.

I just need to know how to speak to him when he is saying things about these intruders

I don’t want to encourage his irrational thoughts and I don’t think challenging them is ok either and I know me getting frustrated is not helping at all

i just don’t know what to do

he gets so angry and upset when he tells me someone has broken in and wore his clean jeans wore his shoes messed up his kitchen just to mention a few things.

Thanks for asking how I am Paul very kind

I suffer with severe anxiety I rarely leave my home most days I won’t even go out the back yard. I have been this way off and on for about 15 years. I kick my backside and slowly but surely I get back out of my “hostage situation” but then something hurtful happens and I lock myself away again and it’s really tough fighting myself to push aside my fears and get out the door.

But I am not coping I feel I am letting my dad down I am also being selfish by getting frustrated because he won’t talk about any of this with his sister his son or his granddaughter nope it’s all just saved for me. I tell the other family members of what he says but mostly they avoid dads calls because they all have their own lives and stuff going on. I too avoid his calls but I will at the very least talk to him every second day if not every day (sometimes 4 or 5 times) I have asked for dad to get more support for us all to share the calls his lives is a different state to us all but they stop calling and taking his calls to maybe once a month. I’m it. I’ve always been it.

If there is anyone who could please advise how I should speak with my dad when he is telling me of his irrational thoughts i would be very grateful

I am desperate

Hey 2teray

Thankyou for taking the time to post back 🙂

You are a wonderful daughter (carer) for your father and thank-you for your kind thoughts about my brother too. I understand and respect the question that you are seeking an answer to regarding how you should speak to your dad when he is being irrational. I do remember when my older brother was the same....I always tried to calm him with discussing what he enjoyed...his hobbies....and interests and only gave brief replies to any irrational comments

To many it is irrational...yet we understand its the illness, not your dad being irrational....yet sufferers do find some peace with having company and yes I understand your anxiety as I also have the same chronic affliction....since 1983....even though being in slow recovery...chronic anxiety...agoraphobia....its awful to have

Plan B.....Our friends at Sane Australia are also there for you too...and here is the copy & paste link below..

https://www.sane.org/information-stories/facts-and-guides/schizophrenia

I understand communication with your dad is crucial especially when you have limited or no support from family as you mentioned above. There is only so much you can do at this time 2teray......yet we will do our best to provide you with the best support we possibly can

How far do you live from your dad? (with respect to the limitations of your anxiety illness of course)

Please be gentle to yourself...any questions or posts are always more than welcome 2teray!

my kind thoughts always

Paul

NB: The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post. Your privacy and well being is paramount to us

2teray
Community Member

Thank you Paul

My dad moved to another state 30 years ago so he has friends there his doctors and care team.

He is not comfortable moving back here as he loves his own place (a rented unit through some church organisation) plus he knows his way around over there and here well nothing is the same so we see each other once a year maybe not even that sometimes like this year he is too unwell he is super paranoid about planes falling out of the sky.

Thank you so much for the link also I will look into that as I noticed some articles about exactly what I am looking for thank you so much Paul

I am sorry that you are also struggling with agoraphobia it’s can be so debilitating

can I ask how you cope?

If you need an ear I’m here

take care of you too Paul and thanks so much for your kindness

Nurse_Jenn
Community Member

Hi 2teray,

Welcome to the forum. As you can see it is a place of support and I really hope that you find some for both the situation with your dad as well as your own anxiety. You are not alone. Be kind to yourself as caring for someone is difficult. I suspect that the reason your dad reaches out to you and doesn’t spread this around to your other family members if that he feels safe with you. It is a clear tribute to your care for him but it can also be a very heavy responsibility. I encourage you to use the forum for your own mental health as building your own strength will help you to be able to cope with your dads illness.

I have been employed in many roles working with people who have had paranoid beliefs and even as a health care provider, it is always not straight forward on what to say or do. Most people’s paranoia stems from something that was initially based in reality. For example, when your father was really unwell at some point, a care person may have left an item at the home. This could be why father thinks people are coming in and leaving things. It is not always clear or easy to understand a persons thinking.

Being supportive to your dad is important but it is also important to set boundaries for yourself. For example, you might respond to his call once a day at a set time. The reliability and consistency of support is important as so many things are confusing when you have disorganised thinking. But it is equally important to set boundaries on yourself and your own time.

Paul’s responses are fantastic and will complement his suggestions with a few other links. MIND is UK based mental health support company which has a good support document on Paranoia. You can have a look here with ‘support for friends and family’ beginning on page 18.

https://www.mind.org.uk/media/5274193/paranoia.pdf

Additionally, there is a lot of support for carers of people with mental illness in Australia. A good place to start looking for support is here: https://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/

Staying in regular contact with your fathers case worker may help you have a consistent support avenue. Sometimes case workers have a lot of great information on communication but you may need to specific in asking for what you need.

I encourage you to have a look at the Anxiety thread on the forum. There are many strategies that you might find that can improve your anxiety and start your own healing journey.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

Thank you very much Nurse Jen

I appreciate your advice and time

i will look into helping myself get mentally healthy and read a lot about how to support my father better

i know it’s a compliment when I’m trusted with people able to be themselves with me it’s always been this way sometimes I selfishly wish I could be the one people put on a fake face for all the please and thank yous all the care and concern about not being offensive and/or not being seen in a poor light.

How nice that would be

anyway it is what it is and I will do my best for my dad and myself

thank you again so much

Hi 2teray

Nurse Jenn has posted some excellent counsel above including the helpful links too 🙂

Our own health is paramount especially when we are doing our best to care for a family member or loved one

To answer your question...this is what I did to help me help myself with chronic anxiety...

  • Mental Health Workers....I saw many and they were great...yet it was hard work..Some were social workers and some were psychiatric nurses. There was one psychiatric nurse who said he would help me as long as I committed to a weekly appointment...
  • I kept the weekly appointment for seven months and he fixed the bulk of my anxiety/agoraphobia
  • GP's....I had two in the 80's & 90's and they were fair yet firm about meds....so I started on SSRI's and a benzo (when required) to provide some relief from the nightmares and cold sweats.
  • The hardest part was being brutally honest with the MHW's and this opened the door to recovery
  • I still see one of my GPs every month for a 'fine tune' (a vent...talk..chat)
  • I applied for charity with the 'Good Shepard' when I was briefly out of work in the 1990's and my medical center waived my outstanding debt on my account and are still bulk billing me 23 years later
  • Frequent ongoing counseling does provide us with a solid foundation on which we can recover effectively using all the coping mechanisms that are available

I really hope some of this has been of some help to you 2teray

my kindest thoughts for you and your dad 🙂

Paul